Chapter 7 - He Who Lost It All

August 2021 (Approximately 5 years after)

The goofy thing about faith is that you believe it and don't believe it at the same time. It isn't unlike having an imaginary friend or something. I believe in faith; I believe it, but everytime I sit down to explain this to somebody, I feel like a palm reader, like somebody or a kid who always making things up whenever his words are done and the lines around his palm has already been left out. In the end, you figured out the show isn't real, It's a mere of an Illusion.

Whenever I saw those green lights, I'm expecting someone might be there to help me, just like old times. But it didn't, this time, I don't have any luck, the slot machine betrayed me, and so everything does. Everything feels heavy and fuzzy, perhaps I didn't eat for about five days straight. Well I guess I don't need to worry next morning though, because I'm sure I don't need to wake up anymore. I might end this one as well.

I already set those sharp cover of an easy open can, isolating and lurking my self to these corners and hiding my shadows where I can't even say where I am, like a candle that has been almost at it's last peak of light. Yes, that's right, I'm thinking about dying. My head is so dizzy, the only thing that has with me is my tattered scarf and those sharp cover of an easy open can food. I already set myself killing before morning comes. I mean, that will speed things up right? even though I have a bad life, but still I've been living with it in a good terms somehow.

"Ahhhh...I want to die.. why not..now? you scaredy cat."

Right after I said those words, a lady showed up with a flashlight on her hand, standing behind the door. I didn't recognize her, not a single moment, my head is already spinning and I'm about the edge of collapsing. I even forgot to answer her question.

"Wait... what was her question again?"

The moment I lost it all is coming back right at me. As if they're trying to chase me where I'm already at the endpoint of anything. The color of the series-wound yellow candles, the siren of ambulance, the mark of unforgettable memories, the pain, the guilt, it's all coming back to me. Remembering it woke me up gasping, trying to catch my breath with agony and hatred inside me.

"Are you okay?" The lady asked me.

"Eh? uhh.. how long have I been here since i slept?"

"It's been an hour, and actually you didn't sleep normally, you collapsed."

"Oh.. I thought this was the other place I've been waiting for."

"Other..place?" The lady were confused at first, but eventually I know she already knew what was I'm about to do.

"I-I don't think this is the "other place" you've been waiting for. Rather thing is, I wouldn't do that if I were you."

I look at her on the face with a scared eyes and realized. Yes, of course she will not let me do that, it would cause trouble for them and their family after all if I do it on their house. Not only to their family, but to their neighbors as well. I can't believe I'm ending my life in such a complicated way. Well I guess I don't need to think about it right? since I will not worry anyone of that when I'm gone. Like hell I can feel sorry or empathy when I'm already dead. It's funny how I think about that stupid idea.

"May I ask your name?"

I guess I don't need to tell them that anyway, it's pointless.

"I-Im sorry, I'll get going.."

"To where? your home?" A young girl asked behind her.

I just nood and started walking. I don't want them to know that I already don't have a place to stay for the night nor a place to live. Pathetically, my stomach starts to growl and left me up on a embarrassing situation right after I almost left out to their garage. I'm sure those two heard it.

"Tchh.."

"Um, would you like to come join us for dinner?"

There's no way they're not eating dinner yet. It's already 11:30 in the evening. They're just trying to be kind, like how normal people should do.

"No.. I'm okay.. I'm going home after all.."

"Going home? to where?"

"Eh? well.."

"You're lost right?" The young girl asked again standing behind her.

"You see, ma'am.."

"Yes?"

"If you keep trying to be good to anyone, they will also try to take advantage to you.."

"Eh? well, yes. I suppose it will, but—"

"Don't you think you're being too nice to someone you just recently met? What if I accept your kindness and try to murder both you and your daughter when you're off guard?"

"W-what?" The girl behind her said it with a surprising reaction.

"Im leaving, thank you." I turn around and starts to walk.

The woman smiled at me while trying to answer my lines recently.

"You wouldn't..."

"Huh?" I stopped, while looking back at her again.

"You would not, and never will" She smiled.

"What do you mean not?"

"I don't know where you come from, or where do you live. If you feel like you've been manipulated or controlled then so be it, we don't mind after all."

"Ehhh??"

"Just think of us differently as someone who just wanted to offer kindness."

"Differently? No.. like I said you shouldn't—"

"Come over, you're hungry don't you?"

"W-why do you keep on dragging?"

"I don't know, we just want to help you, that's all."

"Huh?"

"And also, you will never said that if that was your intention right?" She smiled again.

At that moment, I feel like there's something changes between me again. I don't really know how and why. Can I really? trust someone again? Im sick of waiting at the green lights, waiting for someone's help. If this might be the last, should I? or should not?