Look Mom! Me. At UA. Never thought I'd make it this far did ya?

I feel like I was having a wonderful dream. One where the author chose not to update this story and forever left it dead. Freeing me of this pointless existence in the process. But alas, that dream was not meant to be seen to its conclusion, as my dear sister took me out of dreamworld.

"Shoku, wake up! You'll be late for your first day at UA!"

I groggily got up from bed. 

"You know Renko. For the first time in my life, I can honestly say that I hate you."

"Awah, you're so mean!" She whined.

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The walk to UA was uneventful, as most walks to school are. Well, it didn't mostly consist of walking. You see, I lived quite a while away from UA, and Renko didn't have the time nor means necessary to take me to UA herself. So unfortunately I had to take... public transport. Fortunately for me though, this is a Christian fanfiction, so no train rape happened on the way to UA (for now).1 

I finally arrived at the front gate and took in the school in all its glory.

Honestly, I'm kind of proud that I managed to get into UA. Despite how corny its inhabitants are, UA is still the most elite school in the nation, so the fact that I managed to make it in means that I wasn't a total failure after all. Now granted, I did have the help of super-op psychic powers, but it was my ingenious use of them that led me to victory. Look at me now Mom! You said I'd end up being a good-for-nothing bum, but now look at me. Genderbent and at UA. During all that time you spent bitchin' about me needing to 'get a job and take a shower, you smell like shit' you never even stopped to consider the possibility that I'd transmigrate into the world of My Hero Academia as a character from A Certain Magical Index, switch genders, almost die (several times), and then get into the most prestigious school in the nation. I'm not a good-for-nothing bum! I'm at UA! I got super pog psychic powers!

I'm still unemployed and I still smell like shit though, but hey! One step at a time.

"Admiring the building again?" Asked the unknown presence that had just made itself known.

I turned my head and saw Jirou, who donned a personalized version of the UA uniform and holding a school bag.

"I wasn't admiring the building this time," I said solemnly. I feel like doing it now that she brought it up though. "I was mentally berating my mother from beyond the dimensional barrier."

"What...?" She asked. 

"But since you brought it up, yes it truly is a masterpiece of architecture. It's so big... and sturdy. Truly a marvel."

Still wouldn't be able to hold up your mom though.

Jirou merely gave me a blank stare. She's no doubt already used to shit like this. I'll have to work harder from now on.

"If you're done being weird. You should get to your class already." She tiredly said before sniffing the air and turning in my direction. "Also, it's kinda subtle but you definitely stink. You should take a bath when you get home." 

Aw, come on! Don't tell me Mom got reincarnated too.

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"Wow, would you look at that? We're in the same class. What a coincidence." I said to Jirou after we'd found the door to class 1-A. 

I don't think she was expecting me to be in the same class as her. She probably thought I'd end up in class B because she doesn't really think I'm that strong. Yeah, I never really told her I got first place on the exam, which is something I should've probably told her given she's my friend. But I want to make the reveal when Bakugou shows up to see his reaction, and I don't trust Jirou enough to not blab early.

After Jirou realized we were in the same class she let out a long sigh. 

~~~~~~~~~Jirou~POV~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why does this keep happening to me?

~~~~~~~~~Me~Again~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She looked at me with resignation and proceeded to enter the classroom without another word.

Upon entering the classroom we gained the attention of none other than the Führer, who after noticing us enter walked over to us.

"Greetings, my name is Tenya Iida from Somei Academy. I've taken the duty of introducing myself to all my classmates in order to foster amicable relations for the coming year." He said while holding his hand out. 

Jirou was the first to respond.

"Long introduction, but I'll play along. I'm Kyouka Jirou from Himikogaoka." She then pointed at me. "And this is Misaki Shokuhou, also from Himikogaoka."

I could've introduced myself you know? Now I'll never make a good first impression on the Führer!

Wait he's looking at me with a contemplative gaze. Damn you Jirou! Now he's totally judging me!

"I feel like I've seen you before." He started. "Aw yes. Now I remember. You're that girl that was clapping when I called out that boy who was muttering. While I appreciated the sentiment, your conduct was nevertheless distracting. Please keep that in mind."

"Yes, Mein Führer!" I eagerly replied with a bow. 

He seemed confused by my uttering of his title. One glance at Jirou, who merely shrugged was enough for him to drop it and move to greet the next student to enter the class.

"You're so strange..." Jirou whispered to me before moving to find a seat.

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A colorful cast of characters entered the classroom. Naturally, due to my impeccable memory, I know all their names, but I'm still going to refer to all of them using nicknames. If I didn't come up with nicknames that produced 'big funny' not only would our already low ratings drop, but I'd also be going against an already established character trait that first showed up in chapter 6. So uh... yeah nicknames!

Fetish was the first to show up, she naturally started trying to chat with everyone and really hit it off with Jirou, who thankfully steered her away from bothering me. I appreciate you trying to save her from my wrath Jirou, but she still gets a demeaning nickname. 

Fetish was followed up by Thunder Thighs. If I wasn't a woman, I would've totally attempted to rizz up. Like the good honor student she was, she went to the back row of the classroom and imminently started engrossing herself in her studies. However, I did notice her sneaking glances at Fetish and Jirou.

Female John Cena entered next. Normally this would be the part where I'd say what she did, but for some reason, I couldn't see her. So it seems I'll have to move on.

Tongue Action and Hard On entered next. Tongue Action merely moved to to sit quietly in her seat, meanwhile Hard On immediately noticed me and raced to my location. Now I don't need someone to tell me how much of a badass I am (I'm well aware), but I'll never say no to some flattery. With how manly he said I was, I honestly started to suspect he knew who I actually was. I'll put him on the potential enemies list.

After those two, Animorph entered next. He followed the Tongue Action route. Nothing interesting to say about him. Now as for the nickname. You know those old ass scholastic books with the goofy ahh covers? He looks like an Animorph mid-transformation, so that's why he'll be called as such.

The rest just arrived in droves after that.

Nhen Mc, Coke Lord, Zesty Boi, Home Depot, Rough Buddy, Biri Biri, Harambe, and Edgy KFC all arrived and did nothing noteworthy. No that isn't the correct phrasing, I believe it'd be safer to say that I simply didn't care what they did. My attention was solely focused on the man whose score I'd beaten in the entrance exam. The one and only dickless wonder Katsuki Bakugou! Following canon, he indulged the school desk's filthy foot fetish and was justly chastised for it by the Führer. Personally, I would've already started writing down the execution date if I was the Führer. Dickless is lucky he's such a merciful leader.

Deku doesn't get a nickname because the auth- I'm too lazy to come up with one, so he'll simply remain as Deku. He and Evil Newton entered the classroom last. The Führer apologized to Deku for his conduct during the entrance exam (Even though he didn't need to) and Deku immediately started hitting it off with him (Lucky Bastard).

"If you're just here to make friends. Then leave." Said the yellow turd on the floor.

Said yellow turd got up and- wait a goddamn minute! That's not a yellow turd! That's Kakashi! He's the guy who *Please refer to Chapter 6 for more information*

Said Kakashi got up and pulled a stopwatch out of his yellow turd suit.

"It took you 9.35 seconds to settle down. If you wanna be pros, you'll have to do far better than that" 

 If he stayed in that bag for long enough would he turn into a butterfly? This is a question I would've asked Jirou if she hadn't preemptively sat in the seat farthest from me.

He moved to the front of the classroom and looked us all over. His eyes noticeably lingered on me the longest. He no doubt remembered the time *Please refer to Chapter 6 for more information*

Kakashi proceeded to pull out the UA gym uniform.

"Put these on and meet me out in the field."

After saying that, he proceeded to get back inside his yellow turd suit and went to catch some Zs.

What more could I say? He's a teacher that loves to snooze. 

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We're out here in the fields. Under normal circumstances, I'd make a cotton-picking joke, but I have self-preservation, so I think I'll pass on that one. 

Kakashi finally showed up after leaving us hanging for like 20 minutes. When he finally showed up he informed us about UA's flexible education model and told us we'd be doing a quirk apprehension test. Something that my quirk is useless in.

"Bakugou, you scored second place on the entrance exam. How far could you throw a softball in middle school?" Kakashi asked Dickless.

A visible tick mark appeared above his head at the mention of him being in second place.

"85.4 meters." He spat out.

Kakashi tossed a softball at Dickless, who instinctively caught it.

"Now try it with your quirk." He said.

Dickless went out onto the field swung his arm and with a very very inaudible "DIE!!!" threw the ball with a massive explosion created by his quirk.

Kakashi held out his measuring device.

'705.2 meters.'

Awe emanated from my classmates and Fetish commented on how it looked fun. 

Bad idea.

If I had to describe her, I'd say Fetish is one of those students who gets up before the bell rings, causing the teacher to get pissed and make everyone stay after the bell until everyone is seated.

Her comment caused Kakashi to tack on the condition that anyone who got last place on the test would be expelled. 

"But that's not fair!" Evil Newton argued.

Kakashi then went off on a tangent about how hero work and life in general wasn't fair. That quickly shut her up.

With the tests set up and the opposition quashed the quirk apprehension test had officially begun.

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"Day is never finished~. Master got me workin' ~. Someday master set me free ~!"

"If you don't take this seriously. I'll expel you right here and now." Kakashi threatened.

"Fine fine," I said as gripped the pull-up bar and attempted one last pull-up.

A part of me already feels like complaining about how useless this test really is. I mean really? What exactly is the point of all these tests if they don't actually test our quirks? Like what use does Mental Out have when doing pull-ups (besides removing the pain of my aching muscles)? I feel like this is all just an elaborate scheme centered around getting Midoriya to not break himself as much. I mean surely he did better than someone like Female John Cena in canon, as he was athletically fit. Yet he ended up getting last place. I mean look at him now. He's at 11 and counting. Meanwhile, Female John Cena and I struggle to get even one.

Personally, I blame the Mexicans.

I mustered up all my strength and did a single pull-up... before promptly losing all the strength in my arms and falling on my ass.

"4." Kakashi recorded.

Well... it isn't very impressive but it's certainly better than John Cena who was only able to do one.

I'd personally prefer to not continue embarrassing myself. Hopefully, I do far better in the other tests.

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...

...

..

.

.

.

.

.

.

I don't wanna talk about it.

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Alright alright, I'll just jot down my scores.

50-meter dash: 7.32 seconds

Grip Strength: Grip deez nuts.

Standing Long Jump: Landed within the sandbox. Honestly, I'd look better jumping off a building.

Repeated side steps: Just like I side-stepped answering what I got on the grip strength test, I will also side-step having to reveal this info by creating a distraction.

Hey, look! It's the ball throw! 

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I threw my balls away a long time ago. But it looks like I'll get to relive that experience today.

I step up to the plate. The ball held firmly in my hand. I feel a bead of sweat run down my forehead. My palms are sweaty, my knees weak, arms are heavy. But nevertheless, I press on. I readied my pitcher's stance. I swung my out arm. The ball left the clutches of my hand and soared through the air, time seemed to stop for everything except for the ball. Then it resumed, and as the world came back to life, the ball came back to Earth. 

"20.2 meters." 

It's amazing.

It's impressive.

It's the average for a middle schooler.

Kakashi jotted down my score and I moved aside for the next person.

Evil Newton got infinity as per canon and made everyone except for me freak out.

Next, Deku stepped up to the plate. His arm pulsed as green lightning surrounded its entirety. He swung his arm and... didn't throw the ball very far. 

"6.5 meters." 

Oh wow, you know what on second thought I don't feel as bad about my score anymore.

"W-what happened to my quirk?!" Deku sputtered out.

"I Erased it," Kakashi said as his eyes glowed red and his hair started rising.

He wrapped his scarf around Deku and pulled him in his direction. I can't hear what he's saying, but I already know what it's about.

From the angle I'm looking at them it kind of looks like their kissing. This is something your average My Hero Academia fan thinks about three times a day.

Eventually, they break free from their oh-so-passionate embrace and Kakashi hands the ball back to him.

"Try it again." He said.

Next, Deku stepped up to the plate. His arm pulsed as it was engulfed by absolutely nothing. He threw his arm out and at the last second concentrated his quirk on his finger. He's able to move after using his quirk, but he still broke his finger. Fitting that the quirk is called One For All. One quirk for breaking all your bones. A masochist's wet dream realized.

"Sensei... I can still move!" Deku said through gritted teeth as he clutched his broken finger.

I can't see Kakashis face light up, but I can tell from his body language he's elated. Do you know who isn't elated and whose face I can see though? Dickless. He imminently pushed past all our classmates and started making a beeline for Deku with his hands letting off mini explosions. He promptly proceeded to fall face-first onto the floor unconscious. 

"Must've been too tired," I comment. And everyone seemed to agree with that assessment. Everyone except for Kakashi, who looked at me while narrowing his eyes. I simply shrugged my shoulders.

Deku returned to the crowd while clutching his broken finger so we could get our results. His 'seething in pain' noises were getting pretty annoying, so I discreetly pulled out a mechanical pencil, pointed it toward him, and pressed the bottom.

"Huh?! The pain is gone!?" Deku noted.

I remembered that Canon Misaki had a rival known as Mental Stinger, who basically had the exact same power but with one singular difference, she used Phones instead of remote controls. And so this got me thinking. I could use other stuff rather than a remote. After I did some mental rerouting, I was able to classify any object that has a button or lever, and that could be pointed at someone as a catalyst for Mental Out. A mechanical pencil just happens to be more discreet than a remote control.

I'm not telling Deku that it was me who removed his pain signals because I know he'd immediately ask a fuckton of questions about my quirk and generally be annoying as hell. It's inevitable that he'd ask questions but I'd prefer it later rather than sooner.

Kakashi lists out the scores.

Welp Deku's expelled series is over. Let's start a new fic everyone. One where I'm reincarnated as Accelerator.

"Oh and by the way. That thing about last place being expelled was a lie. It was a logical ruse meant to bring out the best out of everyone." Kakashi revealed while donning a shit-eating grin.

Welp, looks like this fic is here to stay.

Thunder Thighs has the IQ of your average Eva fan, so she managed to deduce this fact early on. She told everyone that it was obvious from the beginning.

Deku went to get his finger healed. Muttering about how the pain disappeared all the way.

Kakashi went back into the school building. No doubt looking for his turd suit. 

Jirou and the rest of the girls started gossiping as they headed back to the locker room.

The boys also went to change back into their uniforms.

Dickless is still on the ground. Is no one going to pick him up?

Sure as hell isn't gonna be me.

I'm too busy dying inside about the fact that I'm still alive.

I gotta spend three years with these people.

Maybe Mom wasn't so bad.