Let us be idiots together

Part 1 - Searching for sweet answers 

I went back home, I was so deep in my thoughts, I didn't even say hello to my stepmother, I went straight to my room, Emi did the usual semi undress and drink a beer, I wish she didn't drink so much, but I've never really seen her drunk, so I decide not to play the role of the big brother. 

-Akari came back. 

She was pacing back and forth in my room. 

-Hikaru sit down, we said we were going to talk about our problems and the first thing you did was run away. 

I really couldn't help but burst out laughing. 

-I'm serious, it's not for you to make fun. 

-I know, calm down, but I didn't run away, I really needed to calm down, otherwise I would have been a total jerk to you Akari, you don't deserve that. 

Akari kept walking back and forth, it was kind of cute in fact she reminded me a bit of Asuna since she had a puffy cheek... it was cute to see how her red hair was wagging as she walked. 

-Maybe I do deserve it, because of me you lost your friendship with Kirin. 

-You're wrong about that, you were responsible for falling for Akimoto's game like an idiot, but the one to blame for everything is still that inept Kirin, he was the one who didn't believe me after all, maybe you won't like what I'll say, but Emi made me realize it. 

Akari stopped this time, resigned herself and sat on the bed. 

-I don't mind, you know? I wish I could help you like she manages to do. 

-What nonsense, you help me quite well on your own, even in ways she can never do, like the handjob you gave me. 

Akari was upset, she was red as a tomato. 

-Don't say such things... I'm glad you enjoyed it," she said almost as a whisper. 

-Believe me, so am I, but I'm sorry that I didn't manage to make you enjoy it, my ego is on the floor because of it. 

-Don't be silly, you can't do anything, you know well that I don't have a corporeal body. 

-That's no excuse, I'm your partner and I failed in something important, I'm going to make an effort to find a way for you to feel good too, with or without a body, don't tell me anything, I'm not going to give up on it. 

-Silly, can we get back to the initial topic? 

In a way Akari is happy, even though she was trying not to show it. 

-Yes you're right, like I said you did something wrong, but you're not to blame for me breaking my friendship with Kirin... I also did something horrible to you with that picture, I invaded your privacy, I should never have kept it on my phone, that was lousy. 

-In the end we both ended up hurting each other in a way, I think we're both idiots Hikaru, but we can be idiots together. 

I really feel like I don't deserve Akari, but I'm going to keep rejecting that idea, when I went to the psychologist as a kid because of my crappy mother, I always felt like I did, I've never stopped feeling that way, the only difference is that now I reject the idea of thinking that I don't deserve things. 

-I'd love to 

-All settled then, Hikaru? 

I kept thinking about it, I wasn't really upset about Kirin anymore, but I felt that what I had done was much worse. 

-You can really forgive me for the picture, I'm sorry I betrayed you with that. 

-Yes, you're an idiot, if you had never tried to masturbate with that picture, maybe what happened in your bed would never have happened, do you think that if I was mad at you for it, it would have helped you feel good, no, right? I only thought about doing it with you, I also told you the truth, on the one hand, if I was upset, as you said I felt that you had invaded something so private for me, but the desire I have for you... I mean love overshadows the rest, I just don't want you to do something stupid like that again. 

I was sweetened by his words, I felt very lucky, I don't consider myself someone handsome, nor someone ugly, but rather someone normal. I couldn't help but get a little sentimental. 

-Of course I'll never do anything like that again, and now that I know that, when I need to treat myself, I'll ask for it. 

-Of all the things I've told you, you've kept that. 

I laughed a little, I was joking with her, obviously I let her know, we continued chatting for a while without thinking about time. 

Part 2 - Advice. 

I started to find out on my mobile phone a way to satisfy Akari, without being able to touch her, which until now I thought was impossible, but apparently it was possible, according to what I read it was not easy, but it was possible, I read that you need to know what turns your partner on, but about sex I knew nothing, I was still a virgin, the closest I had been to it was recently with Akari, so I only had what I had seen in videos, but if something Emi taught me once is that porn videos are far from reality. 

I couldn't really think of anything, so I decided to ask someone who knew a lot more than me, Emi, it's going to be a very embarrassing conversation. 

-Emi can I come in... 

-Come in, tell me what you need Hikaru. 

She was lying down in that giant nightgown again, she had her rest glasses on, which was rare to see her occupy and she was with a notebook on her legs while chewing on the other end of the pencil. 

-I wanted to ask you... something.... 

She saw that I was feeling nervous, she put her notebook aside. 

-Go ahead and tell me anything, you can trust me. 

-I just need to ask you something very embarrassing. 

-Come sit next to me, that's it, here, now look me in the eyes and shoot. 

I took a breath, I was still hesitating, but if I didn't speak, it would remain the same. 

-You remember that I told you about Akari's picture and that we half solved it. 

-Don't tell me, that they're still fighting, I thought that because of all the time that passed and those laughs that I heard, they had made up, or rather, your laugh. 

-Actually we did talk, we're fine now, but that's not what I want to tell you Emi.... here it goes, Akari helped me to masturbate, she... I don't want to go into the details, but the thing is that after I... well you know I finished, she was suffering because she was horny and couldn't feel or pleasure herself, then surfing the internet I found out that you can bring someone to orgasm without touching them, so... that's why I decided to ask for advice... damn I'm dying of fucking embarrassment. 

I pulled out a pillow for Emi and sank my face into it. 

-Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.... 

Emi was even more nervous than me. 

-Hikaru like I said, I mean maybe I can... shit this is more embarrassing than when I gave you the damn sex education talk... well, what you want to do is very difficult. 

-I know, but I don't know anyone else with experience in the subject... 

-I understand... how embarrassing... Hikaru how do you know I have experiences? 

Emi was totally pale. 

-Ehhh... Emi when you turned 17 and you brought your ex-boyfriend who was older than you, well I think all of us in this house heard your moans when you had sex with him. 

Emi didn't know what to say or do, she snatched the pillow from me and now she buried her face in it, she even cried out in embarrassment. 

-Why didn't you ever tell me that you could hear my moans? Forget it had to be very embarrassing for you... wait a minute, Hikaru don't tell me that whenever I brought someone when I made love to them, they always heard me moaning. 

-By the way... yes with each of the 3 of them every time they did it... but don't worry I understand that it's a natural thing. 

-Shit... when I masturbate they listen to me too.... you know I don't want to listen anymore Hikaru. 

For the love of everything, this conversation is getting so distorted, I can't stand the embarrassment anymore, neither of us were able to look each other in the face. 

-Emi, can you help me? 

-I don't know, each person is different, they have their own tastes and ways of preferring to do it, I understand that she can't touch herself, you can't touch her either? I can't believe you're making me say these things again Hikaru.... I don't know if it's going to work I've never had a good orgasm in sex, only when I've done it alone. 

Emi was hitting her forehead with the notebook. 

-Why do I say this... the thing is that I've never had an orgasm without having a stimulus... that could be, you'll have to stimulate her mind, somehow with something she likes, her fantasy, those things, maybe you should be very descriptive, you'll have to take off all your shame to do it, I think that's all I can think of, little brother, I hope it'll help you. 

-I'm sorry for bothering you with all this, I promise not to bother you with it anymore. 

Emi grabbed my hand before I left. 

-If you need help no matter how embarrassed I am, I'm willing to help you, and do me a favour if next time... they hear me you know what I mean let me know, I don't feel good knowing that they hear me when I do it... now I'm scared.... 

-Thanks Emi, I'll let you know if we hear you, I just hope I don't have to... 

Silly Hikaru, he keeps worrying about me. 

I was listening to their conversation behind the door, I know I shouldn't, but I was curious how nervous he came out of the room. 

I think I owe Emi an apology, I made Hikaru go and ask her this kind of thing, when she's in love with him, I don't like the idea of it, but it makes me feel bad for making her suffer.... 

Hikaru should be more aware of other people's feelings... although I can't complain, he makes a lot of effort with me and he manages to understand me perfectly. 

I'd better go to her room, before she catches me... so she thinks about making me feel pleasure, I like that... 

I didn't even realise that I was jumping up and down with happiness as I went back to Hikaru's room.