The Three Idiots

Two Cyber Mancubuses and a couple of Arachnotrons were walking down the street. As they moved around in their own mind, one of the Cyber Mancubuses looked to his right and saw a lampost. Because for some reason, he felt there was something odd about it. 

Before he could investigate for himself, the other Cyber Mancubus growls at him and gestures to him to follow. The Cyber Mancubus looked at the lampost one last time before following his comrades. 

Once they are lost in sight, a zipper suddenly opens on the lampost, through the open zipper was a hollow space, and from that hollow space came Jeff and Robert. 

"Looks like they're gone." Robert said as he looked around to see any demons around their vicinity.

"Yep."

Once they learn there are no enemy forces around, they both come out from the hollow space, which the zipper disappears when they get out.

"Well thing's went 0 to 100 quickly back there." Jeff remarked.

"Yeah. Do you think the others made it out?" Robert then asked.

"I'm pretty sure they did, but now with those ships out there, we need to be extra careful especially you since your ability is very important and useful."

"Agreed. But now we might have to take a longer route to the portal."

"Yeah, so it's better we move out now. The others might be heading there as well." Jeff pointed in the other direction, Robert nodded behind him and they stealthily walked down the streets. 

———————————————————————

Meanwhile in another area, McQueen, who is in his Bipedal form alongside Carlos, was in an alleyway far from the area where the buildings collapsed. 

"Well ain't this great. We have those things after us, they have ships, dead people and monsters everywhere and me, a racer, now turned fighter literally partaking in this battle!" McQueen yelled loudly, he never signed up for this, and he is starting to lose it if this continues.

Behind him, Carlos lets out a growl and gesturing to him to calm down. 

"Carlos, I know you're trying to tell me to calm down, but when things escalate this far and quickly you can't help but feel a bit scared and frustrated. Because this is not a race track, this is a battlefield."

Carlos nods understanding what McQueen is feeling right now. Carlos pats him in the back with his three right hands and then gestures to follow him. 

'For a bird, he's quite smart. Gotta respect that.' McQueen thought, staring at Carlos' back, feeling impressed before he started to follow him and heading for the north side of the city where the portal is.

———————————————————————

With Spy and Kreig, the people from two popular video games were also separated from the rest of the team and Finn's gang, the two were walking down a street and continued heading north for the portal. 

"Well that was crazy." Spy first spoke.

The Sane Krieg stares at Spy and scoffed, [I've seen deadlier warships, monsters and more crazier moments back in Pandora.] He said nonchalantly.

"...You know, it still surprises me that a 20 year old was declared as leader of our team." Spy suddenly went into another topic.

[You have a problem with it?]

"No I don't. Before we got deployed here, he told me about his encounter with the GOC and how it went down and all. The boy got his first taste of what survival and death looks like with the GOC and... I think he might reach a breaking point sooner or later."

[Are you saying this out of concern for him?]

"No. I'm just merely stating the facts after hearing his story."

[Ok, but still why did he tell you about this?] 

"He at first declined to tell me but decided to tell me so that I can know more about him and what he had gone through, and also trust him a bit."

[Well that's surprising coming from you.] 

"What? I can't talk about what I think about others?"

[Just saying.]

"Hmm..." As he was in deep thought, Spy began to think about the ambush moments ago, "That attack back in that area though it seemed well coordinated. Sure ambushes are a common theme but still they were able to get the jump on us almost."

[Do you think they have a leader coordinating these attacks on us?] 

"It's possible, mon ami. But for now let's keep moving."

Krieg nods and the two keep on moving.

———————————————————————

Unfortunately for Green, he was the only one by himself with his Stand Cerberus only. He too got separated from the rest and was now heading north of the city for the portal. Green has done some missions in his past alone but this was a different case. One, this was a battlefield and two, he had a Stand. 

'Ok Thomas you got this. You have a Stand, you have an assault rifle and experience on your side. You can make it.' He thought to himself as he was trying to get a response from the helmet radio, but having problems in communicating with it, Green sighed and was about to give up.

However, his helmet radio was starting to clear up a little and finally he heard a voice. 

[...Green?]

"Missed me?" He asked sarcastically with a smirk.

[No, I was more concerned about where you were.]

"Oh really?"

[Ok, maybe a little. But where are you right now?] 

"I'm heading for the north side of the city where you mentioned the portal might be. I first thought about going through the sewers and heading there, but going alone with my Stand might not be the best option given that most of them could see my Stand but fortunately they can't harm it, and that ambush back there was a bit coordinated. So for now I'm going through the streets."

[Alright then. Also our UAV drones are down in the area so for now we can only see your movements through the security cameras in the city. And don't try to get killed.]

"In this line of work, that's a tough promise to keep, but I'll try my best. Call you later."

As he ended the radio call, Green began to move forward.

Few minutes had passed and no Hell's forces were encountered. Once Green took a right turn down the street, he suddenly stopped. 

Looking around, Green noticed that the street in front of him was quiet. Too quiet. Calling Cerberus out, he uses his wolf ears to hear for any movement or sound, he could only hear the sound of water dripping and even ants walking hundreds of meters from him.

Moving his ears left and right to get a better grasp of the sound if there was any in the area. But nothing. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't find anything, there was absolutely nothing a kilometer around him.

"War."

"Ok, if we're clear then let's go."

Taking a step forward, Green was about to move forward when he suddenly stepped on something, causing Green and his Stand to instantly look down.

Only to see it was a red button.

Suddenly, multiple figures appeared on top of the roof of the smaller buildings around him. Cerberus immediately creates a chain made out of cold ice and tossed it towards one of the figures, the chain wraps itself around the figure and pulls it towards himself with the chain and grabs the figure, which...

... just turns out to be a cardboard cut out of a Doom Eternal Revenant. 

"...What?" 

But then, he heard something behind him and the sound of blasters charging up.

"Hahahaha! You fell for the oldest trick in the book! Damn I haven't done these traps ever since the three of us teleported ourselves to Remnant. Good times." The creature said with a maniac-like voice.

Then, Green heard two other voices beside the creature.

"Yeah, good times sir." A floating creature nodded.

"No, those were not good times!" A third creature ranted, "We literally got yeeted into Remnant by an idiot's Coca cola, interfered their tournament, get almost killed by Grimm, atlesian bots, teenagers and old people who have weapons that can literally turn into guns and a buttload of other things and find out that a crazy lady wants to call two brothers and destroy them or they by chance destroy us! SO I'LL SAY AGAIN THAT THOSE WERE NOT GOOD TIMES!"

On the ground, both Green and his Stand, Cerberus stared at the three figures. The one who was ranting just now was a normal Imp. The other two however were different. One was a humanoid skeleton with armor and jetpack with shoulder cannons attached to it. The other was a one eyed floating creature. 

These were a Revenant and Cacodemon. 

[IMAGES]

"What the hell are you?" Green asked the three in utter confusion.

"I am your inevitable demise!" Revenant replied loudly before powering up his canons, "And today is a good day for you to die!"

"His name is Revenant. One eye is Cacodemon. And I'm Imp." The Imp simply answered Green's question in a polite tone.

BAM!

Jerking his head at Imp's direction, Revenant angrily whacks him in the head with a shovel. 

"...Ow."

"Goddamn it, Imp! Don't ruin the moment!"

"That was rude. Also where the hell did you get a shovel?" Green asked with a questioning look.

"Quiet prisoner! I don't know what that three headed wolf is behind you but now-"

"Sorry to interrupt sir but we could gather some intelligence from him." The Cacodemon cuts his sentence off and points at Green, "He looks like a soldier who works for our enemies... the Hoomans."

"Cacodemon... that might be the most sensible thing you could have thought about! Good work!" Revenant loudly patted the giant meatball demon's head, feeling proud.

"Thank you sir." Cacodemon nodded and accepted his applause. He then looked at Green and began to asked several questions.

"TELL US WHAT YOU KNOW! WHO IS YOUR LEADER?! HOW MANY OF YOU ARE OUT THERE?! AND WHAT DIABOLICAL SCHEME ARE YOU PLANNING AGAINST US?!"

"Can I ask you something? Are all of these things on the rooftops cardboard cutouts of you?" Green asked, pointing to their cardboard cutout versions on top of the building.

"Uhhh no. Perhaps." Revenant answers, speaking very quietly in the end.

"..."

"..."

"I'll take that as a yes and consider that you three are the only ones here."

"You goddamn hooman! You underestimate me! I upgraded my 2016 form to this new look after our so-called invasion of Remnant!"

"That was not an invasion! That was an idiotic accident!" Imp immediately corrected.

'Okay, there is something definitely wrong with these three.' Green thought as he continued to stare at them weirdly.

"Enough chit-chat! I have a prisoner to interrogate!"

"You haven't even imprisoned me."

Ignoring his remark, Revenant points his shoulder cannons at Green, "You better start the talking prisoner or my cannons will do the talking."

With a deadpan look, Green simply turns around and walks away from them, seeing these three as complete brain dead idiots and a waste of time.

Noticing him leaving, Revenant let out a psychopath grin, "So you've chosen death? Very well then. EAT THIS!"

In an instant, Revenant fired a barrage of rockets from his shoulder cannons at Green but then, Cerberus appears and deflects away all the rockets using an ice sword, causing the rockets to hit nearby buildings and abandoned parked cars. 

"IMPOSSIBLE! NO ONE CAN JUST DEFLECT THE ROCKET BARRAGE!" 

Cutting off his shock look, Revenant grabs Imp and lifts him up.

"What are you doing?!"

"Consider this as a tribute for your years of lazy service for my team and the hell dimension and I'll let your sister know that your sacrifice wasn't in vain."

'Is this guy serious right now?' Green mentally says.

"WAIT! WHAT?!"

"IMP ROLLA DA!"

With a Dio roar, Revenant literally yeets Imp towards Green but Cerberus appears in front and grabs both of his legs before he could crash onto Green.

But all of a sudden, the Imp suddenly does the splits between Cerberus' hands.

"YOU FELL FOR IT, FOOL!"

Crossing both of his arms in an X shape, flames that had the same heat as the sun coated both of his arms and shouted loudly.

"FIRE CROSS SPLIT ATTACK!"

"Incredible! By crossing his arms he's defending himself and attacking him at the same time?! I'm impressed." Revenant shouted excitedly in the background.

"Which means no one can escape this attack!" Cacodemon added in an excited tone.

But before the attack could even hit Green, Cerberus instantly froze Imp's entire body and tossed him back at Revenant, which he caught him and placed the frozen Imp on the ground gently.

"I'll give you A+ for effort, smart attack execution and completely referencing it to a meme but your attack not hitting the enemy, I got nothing to give."

"OY! JUST DE-ICE ME ALREADY!" Imp shouted at Revenant through inside the thick ice he was stuck on.

"Looks like I'll have to do this myself." 

Muttering underneath his breath, Revenant picks up a random shovel from the ground and lets out a cry.

"For Davoth and his ancestors! CHARGE!"

Charging towards Green and Cerberus with a shovel and letting out a war cry, Revenant jumped high in the air and was about to strike them down with the majestic shovel.

However, before Revenant could even reach five meters from the two, Cerberus proceeds to shoryuken him into the air, causing him to launch back and crash on top of a car roof. 

Floating towards Revenant who is grunting in pain, Cacodemon simply asked.

"Sir?" 

"*cough* Cacodemon *cough* I'm not gonna make it. *cough* Lead my team to victory... *cough* and make sure Imp doesn't slack off while on cleaning duty *cough* and whatever you, do NOT let you or anybody else eat my Taco Bell meals that were about to be delivered from Ohio soon... Bleh! X_X" 

The Great Revenant has died, speaking his last words while dying in an over dramatic way.

Looking at the dark sky, Cacodemon spilling out tears falling from his single eye and lets out a Darth Vader 'no' yell.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" 

"...What the fuck?" Green cursed with a dumbfounded look, looking at them in disbelief of what he is witnessing right now.

———————————————————————

At site-17, most of the people in the control room including Molly, Carson, Simmons and Iris who had seen the three's idiocy through the camera feed of Green's helmet were laughing their ass off and wheezing as well, except for Amelia and Abel.

"HAHAHAHAHA! I CAN'T BREATH! THIS IS TOO GOOD!" Iris laughed, placing her palms on Abel's shoulders and laughed loudly close to his ears, to his annoyance.

"HAHAHAHAHA! TRUE! HAHAHAHAHA! THESE THREE ARE COMPLETE IDIOTS!" Molly laughed as well, just beside Amelia who let out an annoyed look.

"HAHAHAHAHA! YEAH! THEY'RE THE MOST DUMBEST BRAIN DEAD NOBODIES EVER!" Simmons wheezed as he and Carson both laughed their ass off on the ground rolling side to side.

'I'm surrounded by children.' Amelia and Abel both thought the same with deadpan expressions, while surrounded by numerous people in the room laughing at the comedy drama on the screen in front.

——————————————————————— 

"Ok, this is stupid. I'm leaving."

"I'LL GOD DARN KILL YA!" Cacodemon yelled out enraged, and as he was about to approach Green, Cerberus fired an blue orb of ice and freezed him in place. Revenant in the back suddenly woke up and saw his best team member frozen.

"Wait, you're alive?!"

"You animal! How could-" Revenant's sentence was immediately cut off as he too got hit by an ice orb by Cerberus and frozen in place alongside the two demons.

"Well it was nice meeting you three. Peace✌" Green said as he quickly ran out of there, giving them a piece sign before leaving the three behind. 

Looking at him leaving until he is long gone, Revenant stares at Imp, "Hey Imp?" he asked him while in a frozen state.

"Yeah?" He said while still being frozen.

"...Let's not report this to the General regarding our easy defeat at the hands of an average human and his three headed dog man that can fire ice orbs like that Sub-Zero guy that this fellow Scorpion fought."

"Noted." Imp nodded. As he stood there doing nothing for a couple of moments, he then asked, "Now how do we de-ice ourselves though?" 

Before any of the two could answer his question, they spotted a Fireborne Baron approach them. In fact, it was the same one that Green fought against earlier.

And another fun fact, he is also actually... part of Revenant's team of talking idiotic demons.

"I have so many questions. Where the hell have you guys been? Why are you frozen? And why are there so many cardboard cutouts of you!?" The Baron angrily asked deeply to his leader, Revenant.

"Well, my big friend, buckle up, it's a long and chilling story."