END OF NEW BEGINNINGS

Yeah, talk about dreams, easy to achieve in thoughts than in reality. You can only become a queen in dreams and wake up a servant, it feels great to dream that you even smile when you think about it. You could even feel the sense of accomplishment and success, but the truth is that reality is not a fairytale.

There I was, biting off my nails, tears brimmed in my eyes as I completely retired to cogitate.

"Am I really going to be a mother, am I really pregnant?" I wondered as I gazed at my tummy.

I could not help but think of the look on my mom's face should she find about this, I knew something had to be done, something that could alter my life completely. Day in a day out, I thought about it and realized that abortion was the only way out. Perhaps the solution I was to resort to might make me sick in the process, but I was ready for everything to come my way, after all varsity was closed for the holidays so I would have enough time to recover, besides, it was still at trimester stage, nothing major could happen.

"What could possibly go wrong"?

I wondered as I sat on the porch. Thoughts played in my mind as to whether or not tell the person responsible for the pregnancy. Series of love issues seemed to trouble me.

Anyways, Lemma and I had met during Christmas holiday before going to last grade in high school when I had accompanied my friend Poppy to get her hair done. I could not help but notice him, all dark and handsome and he looked manly in his vest. He was playing my favorite music genre "RnB", I could almost see myself in his arms dancing to soothe tunes and moving my tiny hands over his body, but this was no scene at a set of a romantic movie, I had to stop building castle in the air. Honestly, he was so seductive and good looking, I had to get his attention and luckily the music will do just the thing, or at least I thought. I watched him in the mirror as he cut the hair off my friend's head. Later when Poppy was finished, I then approached him to get the songs; perhaps seeing that we had the same taste in music might bring us closer, and to my surprise, he told me that he will send them to me via WhatsApp and that his numbers were on the door just outside his barber.

"Take them and text me, I will definitely send them, I'm a little occupied right now".

My pride was much greater than my crush, it denied me an opportunity and honor to have his number, and besides, those numbers seemed as though they were for business purposes, and I did not want to appear desperate by texting first.

"How could there ever be a spark between a guy like him and a girl like me?"

For the first time, that boldness that hit my brokenness vanished.

To me Lema stroke me as the type that would go for tall girls with claws, make-up, designer clothes and with lot of money but I, I was neither in those levels. I was a simple girl who never seemed to get anything right, a girl who got used to her father's love and presence but later that very same father abandoned her to be raised by her grandmother. Life became really strenuous for me after my father's departure or rather his" disappearance".

How can I forget?

It was mid-February morning 2016, dad had come from work for the holiday, I went outside to get some air but got back to noise; my parents were fighting. I was only ten years old at the time, it was the first time I heard them argue in that manner. I thought I would sit by the door because I had seen in tv how intense arguments could get.

I sat down in my night gown with my head between my knees and my ears covered with my palms. Few minutes later mom came out in a hurry carrying a huge traveling bag.

"Where are you going"?

I thought she was leaving for good; I was so confused.

"I am going to work, go get ready for school before it gets late".

With those words she left. What could I possibly have done but to get ready for school! Little did I know that it was indeed the last day of our family together.