I've been asked to review this story since apparently I inspired it somehow.Okay, so this is my honest review. ----------------------------------------------------------1. In terms of writing, you keep switching between present and past tense a lot. Even minor inconsistencies like these puts people off. I'd suggest sticking to past tense since it easier like that.2. The 'Vanadis Odr' skill is a dangerous play here. While it will be interesting to see how he grows stronger by this skill, it will put pressure on how you pan out their relationship out and development.3. It's important that MC's have backgrounds as it adds substance. The beginning was far too generic of a start and I know a lot of people that the moment they see that cliche, they instantly drop the story because they think they've seen it before. But now that you've started, from here on out try and drop little flashbacks to his past or something just to give him background because this MC's ideals, motivations and methods are ALWAYS going to be contested and questioned a lot as you update more.4. You've entered this guy one year before events, so you have to make sure that you've planned out his development and what he will engage in as a year is a long time before Canon.5. Never say to your readers that you will update when you're 'in the mood' as it makes you sound flippant and disinterested in your own work. If you are like that, why should they expect a good story from this?6. Try and increase the word count little by little as you go along.7. Don't give so many ideas all at once in author's notes. Because if you do, your readers will know what to expect eventually and they won't have as exciting and fulfilling an experience as they would have if they didn't know what was coming.8. The pacing is rather rushed. Take your time with descriptions, establish a good setting. A lot of people just call it word filler but they're just talking out their a*se. Use descriptive and emotive language that helps people picture what you're trying to convey. Because the more they engage, the more they invest in the story.9. Don't keep this little prologue arc too long. If people just see chapter after chapter of prologue before this guy is in Orario (which is what they want to see), they're just going to drop.10. Keep different dialogue separate. If one person is replying, put it in another paragraph. 11. Try your best to do an original idea and not something along the lines of the usual cliches. Make other OC characters, or make his path to power different than other MC's of other Danmachi fics.It might not make sense but I'd recommend you read a good few of the big ones to get an idea of what I'm talking about.----------------------------------------------------------Overall a good start to a story. Making the MC's growth proportionate to the feelings and his treatment of one of the most controversial characters in Danmachi is a new thing, although I fear you'll hit stumps. Because you write him as her Odr', yet he's supposed to neglect her to become strong. People ARE going to want them to end up together, so you're playing with fire.It's too early to say if I'm enjoying the story as there is not enough of it.But it's clear you're taking a big risk here. I can only hope you have the ability to flesh it out and culminate into a source of entertainment for us all.Good Luck!
