I usually don’t ever review works, however this one has potential if it weren’t for the writing quality. The premise is intriguing but needs to be properly polished with acceptable writing that isn’t just paragraphs of unnecessary text and dialogue. This story would benefit from proofreading as can be seen from how it’s all just giant paragraphs with no substantial spacing, not to mention all the constant quippy back talking that should be cut down to more impactful scenes. This isn’t a TV show and even then they aren’t this excessive. The dialogue also reads that of a zoomer rather than a person. Overusing of words such as “literally” or inserting unfunny memes every chance you can get, it’s not bad to do so once in a while, however keep it in moderation so as to not break immersion. I see promise in this story, so I hope you’d take my advice in mind and try to improve in your writing.
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First off, thank you for all the wonderful advice. I'll try to see if I can incorporate it into my work. I don't know which chapter you were in or how far you got, but the paragraph issue was settled after a couple of chapters. I figured out the problem. This is my first work ever writing. It was never my strong suit, so I'm trying to improve it by writing an actual story. I actually got a lot of comments saying I made good strides from the first chapter to now. It's supposed to be a sense of humor with the story developing in a certain direction that will lead to more serious situations. the MC is trying to use every dvantage you can get to make sure he comes out on top. he's going to be the type of character that thinks outside the Box and uses his otherworldly knowledge to his advantage. he's a type of character who says if you're not cheating, you're not winning. If you have tools in front of you, you better make sure you use them. As for the dialogue, I know it wasn't great at the beginning chapters, but I think I got better later on. I mean, I think I'm doing something right, having more than half a million views and close to 4,000 in collections. if I'm able to keep getting repeat readers to come back and read my story, I'm doing something right. In the end, I wanted to say thank you for the review, once more.
I’ve read all the way to the current chapters before I made this review. The idea is nice so I’m glad you’re taking the time to read reviews on what improvements could be done.
RikuKage:First off, thank you for all the wonderful advice. I'll try to see if I can incorporate it into my work. I don't know which chapter you were in or how far you got, but the paragraph issue was settled after a couple of chapters. I figured out the problem. This is my first work ever writing. It was never my strong suit, so I'm trying to improve it by writing an actual story. I actually got a lot of comments saying I made good strides from the first chapter to now. It's supposed to be a sense of humor with the story developing in a certain direction that will lead to more serious situations. the MC is trying to use every dvantage you can get to make sure he comes out on top. he's going to be the type of character that thinks outside the Box and uses his otherworldly knowledge to his advantage. he's a type of character who says if you're not cheating, you're not winning. If you have tools in front of you, you better make sure you use them. As for the dialogue, I know it wasn't great at the beginning chapters, but I think I got better later on. I mean, I think I'm doing something right, having more than half a million views and close to 4,000 in collections. if I'm able to keep getting repeat readers to come back and read my story, I'm doing something right. In the end, I wanted to say thank you for the review, once more.
