Finally Them

I'm doing my best to stay awake, I have been driving for 18 hours now with only breaks for bathrooms and food/drinks. I look to my right my oldest daughter is sleeping. She's 16 and could help me drive, but she is angry I am taking her away from her friends. I spent most of her life trying to hide that her father was a monster. Now she thinks I'm over reacting as I run with her and her little sister. I glance into the backseat my 9 year old is also asleep. Her soft curls covering her face.

It feels so hard to stay awake with everyone else asleep. I would roll down the window or turn up some music, but it would wake them up and start another round of arguments. I'll stop at the next hotel.

As I pull into a parking spot at a hotel my oldest daughter Aja wakes up.

" Another crappy hotel? Were even are we?" She gives her straight blonde hair a little tug in annoyance.

I looked at the hotel it wasn't great, but it looked clean and even newly built.

"We are in Texas somewhere about an hour outside of San Antonio." I sighed I'll just let the comment about the hotel go.

I left Aja in the car with her little sister Reya while I got us a room. On our way to the hotel room, as I carried a half asleep 9 year old, Aja started complaining about her phone again." I don't get why I can't have my old cell phone, I won't call Dad if that's what your worried about." She had been saying the same thing for the past 22 hour, minus her sleeping time. I had left our cell phones any credit cards with my married name on it, and even my SUV behind. We were currently driving my daughter's car, a 16th birthday present from me. She didn't understand why we had to leave so suddenly, she didn't even know I had been planning our department for a while, but she also didn't know what happened 48 hours ago. And I don't want her to.

Flashback to 48 hours ago

"You stupid bitch, did you think I wouldn't find out?" My ex-husband screamed at me. The anger that was almost always in his light blue eyes shone through.

Find out what I thought to myself, with him it could be a large number of thing I had done or that he though had done. I try my best to not be afraid of him like I was for all those years we were together. So I looked him in his cold blue eyes and as always saw the gate way with anger and rage sitting right at the forefront, waiting for it turn to shine.

After a few minutes of our silent stand off he started screaming at me again.

"You think you can go and change your name anytime you want? what's next are you gonna change my girls names too?" I cringe to myself, I hate when he says that " My girls" once I thought he would say " My girls" as an endearment, it's not it's him placing his ownership on them, on me, and on anything he wants.

"We have been divorced for almost a year now," I try to reason with him, " I just want to get on with my life."

I don't know what was wrong with my statement but I guess there was a lot.

"Your bullshit divorce doesn't mean anything to me, you think you can just decide to move on and be some kind of SLUT." he screamed the last word.

Every time there is an argument it just turns to him yelling insults that don't even relate to the conversation. I am glad he hasn't found out about the most recent court ruling, that would set him off for sure.The latest judge has just giving me full custody of both girls, and in the document it states he was not to get any visitations. I just received my copy of the order in the mail today while Reya had been at his house, I tried my best to co-parent I didn't want to be the reason they didn't have a good relationship with their dad ( he would mess that up all on his own). He is the one who showed up to court with the intention of shooting me, hence the ruling.

I'm standing in my ex-husband's front yard, trying to pick up Reya before he gets to his mail and sees the court order. Being yelled at for wanting to go back to my maiden name seems like any other time I have been yelled at over the years.

I can ignore the hateful comments he makes to me , I did it for years. Although I have noticed he is a lot less stable then he used to be. I finally get Reya into my SUV and start the engine when he suddenly comes rushing out of his front door to my SUV, with a letter in his hand.

I soon fingered out he also had a hammer his other hand because when he got to my window it immediately smashed into me, spraying glass everywhere. He grabbed me throughthe broken window I was too shocked to even put my car in drive.

"Everyone knows this is all your fault, you make this bullshit happen, you better fix this today or I'll trap you in that new little house of your and burn it to the ground with you in it. No One will miss you, your just a stupid slut that no one even likes."

The same hateful words laced with a death threat. I just started at him, you can't fix a court order in a day, and after this why would I want to. I could call the cops but he has had them called on him more times than I can count, they never do anything, maybe end up drinking buddies by the end. No that will help nothing.

"Look what you made me do," he looks at his arms cut up from the window, " I should sue you and have you arrested. Isn't that right Reya." he yells I am shocked, really every time, this kind of behaviour shocks me.How is it always my fault in his mind.

Reya is crying as silently as possible when I look at her, her light blonde curly hair has small chunks of glass sitting on them. Her round cheeks covered by her hands.

"I need to go." That's all I say I didn't yell or cry. I'm actually mortified that I ever tried to love and care for such a monster.

Back to Present

So I might be over reacting, I just am not sure anymore, but I left things that I thought could be tracked easily behind. I don't only not trust him but I don't trust people to not trust him. We lived in a small town and I know he has tried to convince everyone that I am crazy, that I left him for another man that I cheated on him, even that I'm a bad mother. I couldn't tell you if people believe him, I just can't take that chance.

"I told you I'll get you a new cell phone when we get there." I said it again hopefully Aja would let it rest, at least for a while.