Writing Quality: 2/5
Your writing style is good, there is nothing wrong with it, but the grammar makes everything drop. There are problems with missing commas, capitalization, wording, and punctuation.
Also, this is my personal preference, but some paragraphs are too long and should be shortened.
Updating Stability: 5/5
I give that to everyone because people have lives and not everyone can update daily. Plus, I never pay attention to this.
Story Development: 3.5/5 (but I will have to put 4 on the thing).
I like the way you tell your story; it's good, but some stuff seems too fast-paced while slow-paced at the same time. The flow would throw me off when the commentators would talk, because it does not give an indication when they start. But other than that, the plot development is not bad.
Character Design: 4/5
I like your characters and they way they interact, especially the MC and his brother. Although, the interactions could come off as forced a few times, they are still interesting. You did a good job on developing your characters.
World Background: 5/5
You gave a clear view of your background; very descriptive and clear. The changing of gaming settings/scenes are a bit of a flow disruptor, but it is unique and I like it.
All in all, the main thing that needs to be improved on is grammar, especially in chapter one (the P.O.V in chapter one was confusing too). Other than that, you are on the right road.
Keep up the good work, author!
