Delphonse
It's a well-written system/action story that, while I have seen this kind of story before, I can still enjoy it for the good writing and fun story developments. That said, it does take a while to grow on me and I would request new readers (if they actually read this before reading the book) to give it time as they read it and let themselves get accustomed to the story beats. Good work, author!
The novel is a generic magic academy story. The MC is chosen on his 14th birthday. Then on the first day of class, he manages to learn something, get involved in a commotion, and gain a friend as well as a sneering rival. All in a day's work for the average magic school beginning. As the story progresses though...it should be more exciting than this? The narration is a bit dry. May I recommend this essay to you? http://blog.freshessays.com/writing-powerful-sentences/ It is something I'm also working on for myself, and has helped a lot. Also, you don't have to detail every action a person takes in a conversation. Or if you like actions better than words, it is in fact possible not to make people speak in a conversation. You can answer words with actions, like a wave or a scoff without saying anything. You can detail actions to imply words that don't need to be spoken, like a mocking glare responding to a greeting or something. The conversations would be more exciting that way. For dialogue, may I recommend this article? https://***.masterclass.com/articles/how-to-write-great-dialogue#4-writing-prompts-to-practice-great-dialogue The Fool's Paradise subplot mystery elevates the ******* a bit, which is a good thing. I now feel and hope that the protags are set on the road to Laputa. The MC...I feel he's portrayed a bit too childishly for his age. Too innocent and too energetic. He comes off as a seven-year old actually. Others may disagree of course. It may be only personal taste as I like my protagonists a bit more mature. The characters are bland. They're not bad, they are certainly likable, just not memorable enough. Even the strange teachers fall flat because the character traits that should make them interesting seem forced. Well, it gets better as the story progresses, mostly after chapter 10. The author at this juncture has started getting a feel for his characters. They're not so forced anymore. I just feel that a character should be recognizable right away - maybe not their hopes and dreams right off the bat but something of the core of them. Once more, may I recommend an article? https://writetodone.com/most-memorable-characters/ The story is good, the plot progressing at a nice pace, the grammar well done. But it's not enough to have good plot or characters, the words that these treasures rest on are important as well. Writing style is one of those things that can make or break the interest of a reader. (I say that while not having a definite writing style yet, hahahhh) This reviewer believes that the author is finally getting into the swing of the story, but I'm saying that having read 20 chapters. The 'swing' of a story must start at the very first chapter or even before that. Keep on trucking, author! The story definitely has potential
Shameless Author here, with a shameless review. I wrote a novel recently, which is Reincarnate as Prince:Change Magical World with Industry. It was my very first attempt at writing, and there may be some mistakes and errors in it, but I still feel extremely proud of it and enjoy it thoroughly. Please give my story a try and leave some comments for me. Thank you! htt**://rb.gy/sxwmsa
Ok, that was pretty much worth my time as it is a very nice magical world to dig in! Don't belive me? Then I urge you to read the first five chapters or so... You'll soon find yourself on the most recently uploaded chapter wishing for more!😁 God bless the author! I, together with your avid readers wish for the fruition of this tier-1 work of yours^^ We will be waiting for the unraveling of the 'Fools Paradise'
So, everything about this novel is great! The writing style is great! And it seems like the author really enjoys writing this; and there's nothing better than a passionate author. The ability to take up some criticism and better the novel through it also made me like the author and the book. Keep doing the good work. For all the readers, hope you enjoy this novel! Sincerely, The Chimp