Lin_XiaoLong
There are frequent grammar mistakes and tense changes, but not so much that it detracts from the writing. The prose itself seemed a bit dull and boring. There was nothing that drew me in, and I had to force myself to read the 1st (2nd) chapter. I found the prologue unnecessary, though I guess it served as a sort of buffer between the source and this fanfic. POV is sometimes messed up, and a general lack of description and sensory detail meant the world (if I can even call it a world) lacked depth, uniqueness and a lived-in feel. All in all, events seemed to happen for the sake of happening, with not much emphasis placed on the importance of said events for the POV character. A focus on telling events also led to a lack of description. Characters... I can't say much, except that the one character introduced thus far seemed rather dull. As for world design, the novel seems to want to focus on the in-game Glory world (evident in the introduction of VR) but again, the overuse of 'telling' meant it fell short. Overall rating is 3.2.
I love how you were able to display Shaotian's attitude almost similar to TKA. His in-game trashtalking and shamelessness was there and the other characters were fairly developed but not that much, but still I gave full marks for Character Design. I also noticed that you tend to skip the fighting scenes or perhaps fast forward the specific fight scene. I don't know why, but I guess you are quite uncomfortable writing said scene, but the thing here is that TKA focused on this scenes, thus making your version quite lacking with regards to this. As for the quality of writing, well there were inconsistencies on the tenses, but it's not that much and is still understandable. Suggestion: If you want to enhance your fight scenes, read Er Gen's book "Pursuit of the Truth". I hope this could help
Interesting premise. Hoping to see more. The story seems to be a bit slow, but I'm willing to wait and see if it'll pick up. The battle scene is also alright so far. Though I can see that the author seems to want to avoid writing it. Probably not confident. Other than that, it is good! Really recommend others to try. **: I like the twins so far!
Love it. Keep it up. Don't drop! Love it. Keep it up. Don't drop! Love it. Keep it up. Don't drop! Love it. Keep it up. Don't drop! Love it. Keep it up. Don't drop! Love it. Keep it up. Don't drop! Love it. Keep it up. Don't drop! Love it. Keep it up. Don't drop! Love it. Keep it up. Don't drop! Love it. Keep it up. Don't drop! Love it. Keep it up. Don't drop! Love it. Keep it up. Don't drop!
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I've only recently entered this circle that reads video game novel (TKA) and I am very intrigued by it. Then I saw that WN is hosting fanfic contest so I became curious. How will author deal with the stories? How will they twist it to give the story part of their essense without destroying the masterpiece? Out of all, this is by far an interesting one. Other's are probably because there's a lack of chapters so it didn't really grab the attention. As I read the original, I'll read this too and see how it goes.