Wake Up

 I woke up crying! I looked around and noticed I was in the childhood bedroom that I shared with my younger sister and stepsister. I was still confused about the crazy dream I had. In my dream, I was dying of cancer at the age of 40! 

 I heard my CD alarm clock go off and started playing Spice Girls, 'Wannabe'. I started to sing along and jumped out of bed. I ran across our huge room to turn off the alarm clock before it woke up my stepdad. 

 Our room used to be the den, but my mom changed it into our bedroom so all 3 girls could share a room while the boys shared the other smaller room. I am the oldest of 3 and gained a stepsister and stepbrother after my mom married my stepdad. I loved my step-siblings but hated my stepdad. It was a culture shock, to say the least when they got married. 

 He was super strict, and my mom had always been laid back. The only things she disciplined us for were lying and doing poorly in school. Even when she used to spank us it never hurt. One time she used a belt when I failed a test, and it left marks on my legs. The Catholic nun at school saw it and called CPS. 

 They gave her a warning not to hit us so hard and she was embarrassed. She never meant to hit me that hard. I had super sensitive skin, so the marks looked worse than they were. After that, she never struck us again. We used to cry just from her yelling at us because we were upset that we made her angry. 

The first time I saw my stepdad spank my stepsister I was shocked! She was a tiny little half-Asian girl who was only 6 years old. He spanked her so hard she moved across the room! I don't even remember why she was in trouble, but it was some minor offense. One time he hit her on the head with a phone because she spoke about something he didn't like. 

 Her head bled and she had to miss school the next day. He didn't even take her to the doctor because he didn't want the CPS in his business. He was a rageaholic! He didn't drink or do drugs, but he probably should have! It would have mellowed him out. Later in my adult life, I went out with my stepsister for her birthday, and he was drinking and having fun. Later we went back to his place, and he made some pot brownies for everyone. It was such a trip. LOL! 

Anyway, back to the present, or past. I'm not sure! I guess I will have to wait and see if things happen the same as in my dream. It was a very detailed dream, so I'm leaning toward reality. I ran across our huge den and turned down the CD player so my stepdad couldn't hear it. He was deeply religious and didn't allow us to listen to any music that was not Christian. 

 He told us it was the devil's way of creeping into our lives. He also told us that demons lived in messy areas and made sure our room was spotless. I was already afraid of the dark and now I had to worry about demons! SMH! 

The layout of the house was old, and my parent's bedroom shared a wall with our room. The den was at the back of the house, and they had to walk down a hallway, turn around, and go through the living room to get to our room. 

 If my music had woken him up as it had in the past, I would have heard him yell through our room and stomp his way to our room to smash the CD player. He had done it before. Luckily, this time I got to it in time to turn it down. 

 I had a hard time waking up in the morning as I was a very deep sleeper. I would set the volume as high as it would go to motivate me to get up. I also made sure the CD player was across the room so I would have to get out of bed. Once I was up and had the adrenaline from almost waking the beast, I was ready to start the day! 

I shared a hand-me-down California king-size waterbed with my sisters. By leaving the bed, the water ripples would rock them awake! I remember the first time we got the waterbed from my grandparents. We were so excited to sleep on it and didn't know it needed a bed warmer. We woke up freezing the next morning and took such long hot showers the hot water ran out! My poor brothers had to take cold showers. The next day we found out how to install the waterbed warmer and my grandparents were like, "Sorry, we should have told you. I forgot." LOL! 

We still thought it was fun to sleep on a waterbed. I would dream about floating in the pool and relaxing. 

 My younger sister Amber looked at me and asked, "Jasmine, were you crying?" I looked at her and answered, "I had a really weird dream." My younger stepsister, Caitlyn looked at me and asked, "Are you ok?" I smiled at her and wiped my eyes. I responded, "I'm ok, thanks." I got ready and went to eat breakfast before heading to school. 

 In my dream, I learned I was lactose intolerant. So, I thought I would test it. I usually had a bowl of cereal and would have an upset stomach later in the day. Today I decided to have some toast with honey and sliced banana. My mom noticed and asked, "Is that enough for you?" I nodded and replied, "We have early lunch. I will be fine." She encouraged, "OK, take some fruit or a granola bar for a snack later in case you get hungry." 

 I smiled at my mom and nodded. Even though we were poor, she worked 2 jobs to keep us well-fed. My stepdad would work at their ice cream store during the day because he didn't want to hire someone else. He also liked being his boss. My mom was the one who had the mind for business. He had a huge ego! We would go to the ice cream store during the Summer and work while he took a nap in the office. He called it babysitting and told us it would help us develop a good work ethic. 

We went to school early as usual. My mom would drop us off before she went to work. She had to be at work by 8 but my high school didn't start until 9. I would usually go to school early and walk around or go to the library and read. I had recently been hanging out with my boyfriend before school. 

 I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16 because my mom had me when she was 16. She would always say she wished she would have waited, and she wouldn't let me ruin my life by having a baby too young. I would be upset, but I understand! 

 My father was not a good guy and sometimes I wish I had a different father. I even wanted my stepdad to adopt me so I could change my last name. My stepdad was not good, but he was better than my father. My father was a drug addict and alcoholic. At least my stepdad didn't drink or do drugs. Better to have the rageaholic who was there every day trying to be a father than the drug addict father who was never around. 

 Some years went by after my parent's divorce and my dad didn't call us. Sometimes he would get our birthdays wrong and say that he didn't believe in birthdays. Then he would be upset that no one remembered his birthday. 

 Oh well, if I was reborn, it would be too late to change my father. I could only try to change the future. Time to make a list of all the things I could change and think about the positive and negative possibilities. 

In my dream, I remember everything being Apple brand from iPhones to iPads. They even had smartwatches, rings, and glasses! If there was one thing, I was going to change it would be to invest in Apple. Maybe I should tell my aunt and uncle about it. My aunt is the first person I know from our family who owned an iPhone, and everyone made fun of her because it was over $500 and didn't offer insurance! 

 We all used our free flip phones that came with the cell phone plan. Of course, I was too poor and didn't have a cell phone. I just remembered them from my dream. 

 I was starting to think it wasn't a dream, but I would need more proof.