welcome to my life

my troubles all started off the first day I was born. i was born into a life that i really wish i didn't have to adore. it made me what i am today in a good and bad way. so for you to understand just why i ack the way i do sometimes, let me tell you my life story. my mothers name is Deborah Renee civelle. she had several men in her life. not very good ones i may add. well that seems reasonable cause she wasn't a very good person herself. what she put  me threw and what i had to deal with is not fare to no child or person at that. i was born in altoona hospital feb 20th 1985. i was born 2 to 3 premature  but i wasn't alone i was born with a twin sister. we are identical and thankfully because i think, because i was born with someone that i could deal with this and not feel alone in all this mess! i mean granted time to time i still feel sad and alone and feel like no one cares or likes me. but i know that's just the depression thinking. for this is what happines if you have a life that i had. as for thos who had it worse or just as bad or just as simular then you'll know exactly what it can do to someone. but if you didn't you'll never know how bad something like this can scare a person! so all you can do is be awer and be there for them. but you'll never understand it! any ways, my mother was going to adopted us out to a black family.  we was with them for like a few weeks or so. not quit sure how long we was with them. but at some point in time ether the family or my mother changed there minds and took us back. now are mother called us dawn and Denise  but sense we was given to this family when we was born they named us shonda and velda naugle. but when are mother took us back she never changed the birth certificate so now i have 2 names, shonda aka dawn. i rather people didn't know my real name because i don't like it. im not quit sure why. maybe because its apart of my past that i kinda turn my back on because it reminds me of my past and i don't want to remember it. but i already know this ill never for get. its inscripted into my memory. it will always be apart of me no matter how bad i try to forget. now when i was at my mothers house it was a gray house. it wasn't fit for kids and what went on in there also wasn't fit for kids or any human to be honest.  now there was 5 of us kids in the house. witch bad stuff was done to all of us! there was jj, vergina, Nicole  my twin Denise and me. me and Denise was in one room. im not quite sure were the other 3 stayed.  but my room was dark with no lights or windows. we did have a crib but are mother didn't use it for us. she had a lot of junk and garbage and more in there. she had us sleep on a matrices on my bed room floor. and the room was not clean at all. stuff was every were including animal fesses and when i say every were i mean every were even were we layed. me and Denise was in there 24/7 almost. we was baby's and couldn't talk or walk. so are baby days was spent in the dirty and dark room! are mother was a druggy. she would do anything for money. she used us and treated us like objects. when she looked at us she sow $ signs  and not in a good way neither.  we was 3 1/2 and Nicole was 4, jj and vergina was the oldest im not sure how old they were. but that's when are mother got arrested for drugs. so we was with are aunt Karen.  we was with are aunt maybe a few days before Nicole started to talk about what happened in that house. she would say and acked out things that a normal 4 year old shouldn't even know about even know about  by watching TV. and at 4 she new more about sex than an normal adult! so when my aunt found out she had went to the cops. we went to court but nothing was done to my mother for what she did. she was set free and got away with it! jj and vergina was to afraid to say anything. and the judge said that Nicole was an unreliable witness because she was to young. which i highly disagree with because she remembered everything that had happened to a the t! now me and Denise couldn't even talk or walk or anything at 3 1/2 we was still wearing diapers and was wearing 12 months old baby close. so sense none of us could go up agenced are mother she got away Scot free! now i didn't get into what happened yet because it wasn't till later that i started to rember what ackshully happened to us. the only one who remembered was Nicole.  now jj and vergina remembered but are aunt didn't keep them. she couldn't handle them and they weren't listing to her. they were to far gone by the time are aunt/mom got us! so they went to a foster home. the only ones that stayed with my aunt was me denise and Nicole  now that i had told you how i ended up with my aunt, now i can start telling you what went on while i was with my mother.