chapter 1

I decided to right about my life as therapy. Luckily I don't remember my past fiscally. A long time ago my brain locked it behind a door in the back of my mind. But what I do know about my past came from my older sister Nicole. She remembers it all! Pluse my aunt/mom and gram told me stuff as well. also some stuff I had back flashes. there is one certain dream that I often dream quite frequently! It's pitch dark and all I can see is a shadow coming over to me and getting on top of me. Then I wake up and often crying! I told my twin sister about it and she says she has a simular dream. She said she's impotween the door and dresser. She sees a man get on top of me then when he's done he comes tords her, she says that is very frightened! then she wakes up. But it's ok because my childhood may of been very bad but it made me the strong young woman that I am today! My past has tought me a lot and I think that maybe the way I think and acked sometimes is because of the way that I was treated growing up. The fact is that I know from right and wrong! That's why I chose to notice the positive stuff in life. because that's good stuff! I've chosen a long time ago that I'm going to be the oposet of what I grew up with! because what I went through was bad and I want to be good! I don't want no one to feel the pain that I have felt or had to adore! So that is my reason for why I go out of my way to help others in any way that they may need if possible. Seeing others happy makes me happy! But despite how bad my life was I have turned out a better person and I am a very happy person. I find that I'm still happy and love life despite it all! despite all the negativity in this world now I can still smile! I dream to be happy, successful, help others and maybe one day all that will be possible. I still have my days were I brake and I'm sad! I suffer from depression and Axiaty so at this time all I need is the people that I love to be There for me. But despite that in all I'm happy! because I'm better than my past! But I'm still in pain sometime. So I keep a positive out look and one day my dreams will come true! I do this because the positivity steers me to be a better person. My real mom and every man she brong to the house abused us in every way! My older siblings were made to bring friends over and they were made to do the same. So they couldn't or felt ashamed enough not to tell on my real mom. now my aunt/mom was mentally, sicologicly and a little bit of fiscal abused tords us! By saying we was nothing and wasn't capable to do anything. That we are incompetent. we was a no body and stuff like that.  She was a very negative person and she didnt see or ignored are real potenchole! But I am so thankful that despite all of that bad stuff that I went through, I still turned out to be the nicest, good person that you will ever meet! Yes I have my problems but the good that lays with in my soul makes up for all of that! Me and my twin sister are the only ones who Brock the sill of bad in are family. I am so thankful that god has spared me of that type of life. I try my best to be the best person that I can possibly be and thats all that we all can really do! Yes its difficult to be nice/good and easer to be mean/bad! But I chose to be good! because all I want from life is to be happy. I treat ppl as they treat me as everyone should do that.