ASlyDrake
An interesting take on a game world and its mechanics. The 'balanced fortunes' system (for lack of a better name) that the world has is a surprising new take on how a game may be designed, at least in my reading/playing experience. A smidge concerned about the state of the MC and his life, both past and rebirth, but that is hopefully just due to a lack of current exposition detailing it at this stage of the writing. Overall this novel has gotten me intrigued and I am looking forward to watching as it grows.
I like the person's background and the character. I think this has a lot of potential! Good start, may the writing Gods bless you with motivation and creativity to continue! I'm still starting a lot of writing projects like this, get excited and then lose it after the first few chapters, so I hope you have a better time than I do!
I found myself liking the MC much more starting from C3. The characterization feels humorous with an underlying serious tone. I have a personal preference for such atmospheres and the writing accentuates that chapter. Moving on to technical issues, I feel that the novel will improve with less usage of adverbs. I notice that you have a heavy inclination of using the word 'had' and using the phrase 'a small'. Perhaps some variation would help here? All the best!
Well it's been 9 months and I hope that the author decides to continue this work... I thought chapters 3,4,5 were straight up hardcover publisher quality quality... Some of the latter chapters get a bit wordy in a way that does not develop, enrich, or further the plot or characters but more a word count extension... THAT being said, the writing quality of this story is easily near the top of WebNovel... ... Another reviewer made a great point, "An interesting take on a game world and its mechanics. The 'balanced fortunes' system (for lack of a better name) that the world has is a surprising new take on how a game may be designed, at least in my reading/playing experience." ... ... The work feels like it has some of the flavor of "Ready Player One", "Android's Dream by Scalzi," and a little bit of "The World Online" (among others) ... Overall this novel has gotten me intrigued and I look forward to watching it grow. ... ... ... THOUGH, as a final nugget of a request, I hope the author will not ignore his MC's real body life while pursuing his VRMMORG relife... a 1/3 non-gaming life reboot to 2/3 gaming life reboot feels pretty correct. ... ... ... Good job author.. please return.
Beginning of the story is typical. You can say cliche :D It's ok, these kinds of novels are fun to read but I am concerned about many things. I don't see any errors in grammar. (It might be a problem that my grammar isn't that good either.) I will continue to follow the story and update your review. Good luck! (The rating is temporary. I cannot really rate if I have only 3 chapters. It's like judging the book from its cover.)
Beginning of a good story. So please don't make virtual world in to a alien world or parallel world. Hope for the best . Again tnx for a nice story ..................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................And Please don't mashup with release date!!!!!!!
Broken VR Game (the balance, programming, and hardware are all poorly done) + unnecessary (RE:) Time Travel. Then he jumps back into the machine that killed him. I've heard "The MC's actions were unrealistic" before, but I'm not going to read about the multi-Darwin-Award winner. The only reason I flipped through the first few chapters, was that I thought it was Portal Fiction. It's not.