SHINOBI: The RPG

Whelp, dying sucked.

There I was, driving down the freeway on my way to work when an idiot in a pickup decided to turn in front of me. So I plowed into the truck and I didn't even take the other guy with me because I ran into the passenger side.

I think it's because my cars the same color as the road. Made it difficult to see me.

After that, it's a little fuzzy. I mean, as a fairly religious guy, I'm pretty sure I went to an afterlife. I'm also pretty sure there was some kind of argument. Or maybe I'm giving myself too much credit. Whatever. Doesn't matter.

What does matter is that I'm currently floating in a liquid-y, dark place. Not breathing and I don't need too for some reason. Occasionally, I heard the echoing of voices way in the distance. I'm not sure where it's coming from. I think it belongs to the cord that's attached my stomach. If I wasn't currently in a state of maddened bliss, I might have figured out what it was.

I think it's symbolic.

As I was pondering my bizarre circumstances, a green window with text seemed to appear in my mind. Which is a good thing because I'm not sure my eyes could comprehend actually seeing something yet.

Hello, and welcome, Green-box read. To Shinobi: A Naruto RPG.

Oh, cool. I get to play video games for my afterlife! I consider this a blessing. Because I love RPG's and I'm sure I would've gotten bored eventually of this pleasantly warm-liquid- abyss thing. Eventually. It was really comfortable though.

The window changed.

Select Gender: Male/Female.

Hmm…not even bothering with a tutorial, eh? Well, I am really good at RPG's and stuff. I imagined myself selecting male since my limbs were currently non-functioning.

Are you sure? It asked.

Yes. I am absolutely sure.

Keep old appearance?

Don't see why not!

With my choice made, the window disappeared.

Huh.

Well, that's dissapointi-THE LIGHT! IT BURNS!

AND IT'S COLD.

I'm being held by these warm things!

What's happening? I…oh.

I was just born. Huh.

Well, in that case, my screaming was perfectly justified! In fact, I made a note to do as much as humanly possible because this is ABSOLUTELY BAT$# $!$ INSANE!

THE ACTUAL-

Oh, my mental cursing raged on and on, as I was wiped down with a warm rag and then subsequently handed to a bed-ridden person who was presumably my new mother.

Since I was very attached to my old mother, this thought was distressing and made me scream even more. To the point that my lungs were burning. Hey, gotta build those lungs nice and strong, right?

As I my senses started to develop, I became aware of an increasing oddity within me. It was like an electrical current, a thrum of power that hovered just beneath my skin. I wasn't really sure what was freakier, that this frankly awesome feeling existed within my body or that it seemed to be everywhere else in the world as well.

Oh, wait.

The Naruto RPG.

What I'm feeling is chakra.

I'm an idiot.

Well, that's one less mystery out of the way.

Anyway. Most of my days, when I wasn't hungry (and I was always hungry), were spent in meditation. Clearing my head, breathing and attempting to look asleep so I wasn't unnecessarily bothered were quite relaxing and pretty much the only thing I could do to adequately satisfy my adult mind. One happy side-effect of meditation was that it gave me a very keen sense of the chakra in me. And around me.

In most fiction, when characters meditate, they 'unlock their potential'. They bring to bear some hidden superpower they always had but had locked away for some reason or another. While that was extremely attractive to me, as a guy who is more or less in an extremely dangerous world and is completely dependent on other people for his safety, I know that's not how it actually works. That's not how it worked in my old world, it's not how it works here unless you're already extremely powerful.

But the main reason I did it was that, when meditating, you force your brain into a dream-like state, allowing it to process information, store it and handle it. Which was invaluable for a lot of things; like overcoming emotional trauma.

Which is something I've just been served a major helping of.

I am meditating.

I am one with the universe.

All things happen for a reason.

I am the master of my being.

My choices are my own.

I am extremely hungry.

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

The months went on. I ended up not needing to meditate as much as I used too and my senses were developing. For some freaking reason, the people around me were speaking English, which fits game-logic but doesn't make any actual sense.

Luckily, my tongue and mouth coordination, plus the actual lack of teeth, made it very difficult to actually communicate with them. Because getting snapped up by ROOT? At this age? Would be very bad. I mean, it might be amazing for EXP if this freaking game has any but I'd like to have some fun playing this game.

If that can even exist at this point.

So, my time was spent flailing around, trying to build muscle faster than normal babies did without also causing irreparable damage and stunting my growth. And meditating because it was easier to not rage about how bored I was when I wasn't thinking about anything other than breathing.

I was a very chill child.

Something I ended up figuring out as I grew older was that I wasn't in a home with loving parents. I was actually in an orphanage, with a lot of other kids. The person that was responsible for feeding me was actually a wet nurse, rather than my biological mother.

In a way, that made me feel better but it also made me feel awkward in lots of different ways. In fact…I don't like thinking about it. I was fed and that was that. Nope. Nothing other than that to say.

Eventually, I was able to sit up on my own. Even more impressively, I was able to start crawling! Yay! Look at me, getting all mobile and stuff! I'm just the most adorable little thing. Life in the orphanage wasn't really that bad, either. Granted, I didn't really socialize much but there wasn't much I could do about the mental gap. They were adorable, though.

The matron of the orphanage was an old woman, but other than her skin, she showed no signs of her age. She carried herself like someone who was still very much in the prime of her life, which meant she was a ninja.

Which meant that attempting to escape her when she came to collect you for whatever reason was hopeless. Don't get me wrong, she was nice enough, but I had a thing about being carried. I could carry others just fine (no I can't) but I don't like being carried.

So, she picked me up from my crib, token efforts to wiggle out ceased upon exiting the crib. Even I know accidents happen. She carries me, making fond, affectionate noises at me. Ugh, she's going to make me sick one of these days. Well, I got sick a lot, since I have trouble burping for whatever FREAKING REAS-ahem.

She deposits me in the play area, and the various toddlers with me are all playing with various toys. Fake, baby proofed Kunai, I think were my favorite. Made me laugh whenever I saw it. I examined the area and off by itself, I saw a thick, baby book.

…no way.

I hastened over there and found that, indeed, it was the S.P.E.C.I.A.L book, ripped right from Fallout 3. The only difference was that the illustrations had a Shinobi headband. With the Vault-tech symbol on it.

Well, that confirms that I wasn't going crazy and this is, in fact, a game. I think. First thing I did was open the book. Strength, Perception, Endurance, the dump stat, Intelligence, Agility, Luck, it was all here! Okay, Charisma might be good if it provides bonuses to my teammates if it's anything like New Vegas but screw my teammates!

I'm sure somewhere, the Hokage, wherever he is, just got the urge to spank a kid and that kid was me. Oh well. Screw him too.

Anyway. The book was formatted like a children's book. On the left page was a description of the attribute, with a number 5, bordered by arrows with the + and – symbols within. On the right, was a picture of the attribute in question. A vault-boy lifting a massive weight like a circus strongman for strength, or a vault-boy being awesome by studying in the library for intelligence, or my personal favorite: A vault-boys path being crossed by a black cat and about to get beaned by an anvil. Irony was much beloved in Fallout. At the end, there was a summary, with arrows going up and down each number.

Just like that, I was torn between the two paths to godhood. It was between putting my five remaining points into Intelligence and learn new skills like they were going out of style or putting my points into Luck and let the universe itself shower me with gifts and love as it murders my enemies in comedic fashion.

Eh, I always went high INT because I hate being dumb, so all my points went there. Now, I just have to decide what to do about my dump stat. Charisma. On one hand, in my games I took all the points away and distributed them evenly. I've never simply put them right into Luck, but I was now seriously considering just that.

See, on one hand, it will almost assuredly guarantee me perfect wins on everything. Gambling will become an absolute joke. So. Much. Money. To be made. On the other hand… Charisma makes it so people like me. I want to be liked. A lot. There were some really cool people that I wanted to befriend. Maybe turn Sasuke from his destructive path and get him some freaking therapy. Give Naruto a friend…maybe lots of friends. A high charisma character with 100 speech skill could end the stigma against him. Quickly. I don't know how much the special stats affect general gameplay. Maybe they just affected skills like in Fallout 3. Maybe they affected everything.

But if that's the case, and Luck is anything like in New Vegas? That becomes the most important stat in the game. Bar none. Intelligence is for personal preference, if I'm honest.

Dang, I wish I knew these things.

So, hesitantly, I subtracted all the points from Charisma, bringing it down to a measly 1 and raising my Luck to 9. I briefly consider taking a point from intelligence and putting it into luck, but I leave it. Again, personal preference. I pressed my little finger on the black button labeled 'done' and suddenly WOAH NELLY I FELT WEIRD as a warm, hot feeling washed itself all over me and in my brain and I could feel myself getting…smarter.

Woah.

Okay. Well, I hope I can handle my newfound social awkwardness.

…plans to raise my charisma later if I cannot are on the table.

For the first time in I don't know how long, I heard the sharp sound of a cash register ring in my ears. Green numbers appeared in my eyes, +100, with a small meter beneath it, demonstrating progress from level 1 to level 2. The other kids laughed because my startled reaction was apparently funny. A second later, the adults joined in.

Oh boy.

…I wonder how long I'll have to wait until I can actually tag my skills?