Grieving_Stage 2: Pain & Guilt
Jungkook POV
After we put all the lyrics together and made a song, we listened to it together to see how it turned out.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nc20T4gpA7o
I really liked it. The sad thing was, is that since I wrote it from my heart... I really felt all the emotions coming back to me. So while Namjoon-hyung and I were listening to it...I cried. A lot. again. He said it was OK for me to cry since the last time I cried was about 15 years ago. He just told me that I have to live a normal life also. Like, I have to sleep a healthy amount, and I still have to eat three times a day at the least. (Twice fans were u at?) if I did all that, then he would help me with whatever I needed. I agreed to it, knowing I would need some help on things during this huge part of my life. I really was thankful having Namjoon there with me.
After we discussed a little bit, he asked me some thing I never actually considered. I felt stupid for not thinking of it but, I'm glad he asked me. He asked if I wanted to ACTUALLY publish my song. I was shocked but... I said yes. I was going to finally become a musician. I wanted to be happy but, I couldn't. Because I missed Jimin so so much, and I was doing this for him.
I started thinking of him and wondering why in the world he did this to me. I apologized many times to him. He just misunderstood the whole situation. But, technically it is MY fault because I never told him anything. I really messed up didn't I? I started tearing up a little bit and I guess Namjoon noticed because he asked what was wrong. When I told him, he just started shaking his head and lightly chuckling. Why in the world was he laughing? This wasn't funny. He then said that I was going through the second stage of grief. Pain and guilt. I asked him how he knew all this. The stages. All that stuff. Then he said he went through it also. Oh. I never knew Namjoon could ever be in such an awful state in life. I asked him what happened and he said, " Exactly what you're going through, Kook. A broken heart." I then asked out of curiosity, "Who was it?"
He smiled and said proudly, " His name was Kim Seokjin." I felt like I had heard that name before, but I couldn't remember where I had heard it. Namjoon started speaking again,
"But eventually we got back together again. It was actually just a couple of days ago. We had our first little date at his house since his roommate or whatever had a date with some guy for the whole day that day. Then it clicked to me. Jin was Jimin's roommate. If remember now. When I went to go pick up Jimin, he was there! Jimin introduced me to him and he was super nice. Sadly, I couldn't stay that long since I had a date with Jimin. But I still had a great time either way. If only I'd known it would come down to this. I told Namjoon all of this and he was shocked.
"Wow! I should've known it was Jimin. Haha, now I know where Jimin gets his great cooking skills from." He said while winking at me. I lightly chuckled to not make the conversation awkward. But deep down, it still hurt mentioning Jimin or even just thinking about him. So, I decided to make another song to express the pain I was going through.
Namjoon helped once again to make the song better. (Thank you Joons) I didn't feel like recording it, but I knew I had to. So I started singing the song, but when I started singing the line, 'Don't waste your love, just let it last 'Cause once it's gone, it's never coming back, it's true' I realized something. I didn't want to seem TOO desperate (even though I was) by singing all the songs. So I asked Namjoon if I could ask someone else to sing the song for me, but still let everyone know that I made the song originally. He said that was fine since other people also do that. So I went ahead and recorded the song so whoever I picked would have a demo version. While I was listening to my recording, I realized that the chorus would've sounded better with a deeper voice. I started scanning through all the people that I knew that had a deep voice. Then, I knew exactly who to call. ~
The doorbell rang and I went to go open the door. There he was. He said, "I'm here to record the song." and I replied with, "Thank you Jackson... Thank you very much."