The More The Merrier (5)

"I'm gonna go if you don't need me." I get bored and turn to leave.

"Wait! We need to take you to the guild!"

"Then can we hurry this up? I've got shit to do." I don't even know why I'm still here, but I figure I might as well keep playing along.

"Of course, let's get moving." I pull back and watch how Martin interacts with his party. It's not at all what I expected. While walking, he seems genuinely concerned about the girls and asks them how they're doing. He makes lunch plans based on what they want; I also notice several times where Peaches and the half-elf woman have their own conversation, and he doesn't jump in to gain their attention. Even after only a few minutes, it's clear he's a really nice guy.

[Did I judge him this wrong?]

I still have my suspicions, so I intrude upon their exchange.

"Martin."

"Yo," he responds casually.

"Peaches was telling me that she's wearing a warming talistone. Is there any reason why she doesn't have one that raises her defense?"

"Hm, hm, hm." Martin puts his hand on his chin and laughs like some low-level villain. He smiles smugly at me, which just makes me want to punch him. "That may be what it looks like to you, but for professional adventurers such as ourselves, every item we wear is carefully selected."

I roll my eyes and sigh but allow him to continue.

"As I'm sure you noticed, based on how easily Peaches captured you, she relies heavily on her speed in combat. While she wears a resilience talistone during the summer, we decided it's best for her to wear a warming talistone during the winter." Peaches closes her eyes and nods while Valencia smiles at me.

"Then why aren't you wearing armor?" I ask. The three of them just have on regular clothes, which is unusual for an adventurer party.

"That's because 'We Look Cooler Like This!'" he shouts the latter half of the sentence and points his fist to the sky. Looking at them, they do seem to have well-organized outfits; the colors compliment each other, and the clothes themselves extenuate their figures without being too revealing. I don't know if Martin was the one to pick out their outfits, but if he is, then I have to admit he isn't wrong. Upon closer inspection, they look quite well put together.

[I thought he was an asshole, but maybe he's just a benign idiot.]

"It's important for the hero to look cool when he's saving the day." He says, without the slightest hint of self-awareness.

[He's not a benign idiot. He's an Anime protagonist! What kind of shonen bullshit did I get myself into?]

The girls act like it's natural, making the situation more concerning.

"So, are you together, or how's this work?"

""What!?"" Both Martin and Peaches jump out of their skin at my comment. The trio blush profusely as they scramble to refute my statement.

"I'm-I-we-we're friends, comrades! I-we can't stain our friendship with temptation! It's the hero's job to work together with his friends to save the day." Martin sputters out a largely incoherent speech about friendship. I notice that he's looking back and forth between the two girls as he's speaking.

"I couldn't- would never want to be with an idiot like him! Stupid dummy pervert!" Peaches flails her arms about wildly while insulting Martin profusely, though she can't seem to look him in the eyes. Valencia stands off to the side silently while staring at the ground. The sexual tension in the air is so thick you could cut it with a knife.

[My god, it's worse than I thought! He's a harem shonen protagonist. I'll have to do something about this. Anime already ruined one reality; I won't have it destroying another!]

I probably take the bit too far as I begin reaching for the spear on my back. Fortunately, we're interrupted before the situation escalates.

"Nick?" I spin around to see Sampson at the gate. I was so lost in thought I didn't even notice that we'd arrived in the town.

"Oh, hey, Sampson. What's up?" I take the opportunity to end the scene and act as if I wasn't considering murdering these people.

"Not much. What are you doing with them?"

"Oh, they said they're taking me to the guild, so I figured I'd just follow along."

"Well, be careful. I've heard some strange rumors about them."

"And I'd believe pretty much all of them," I say as I look at the still flustered party to my rear. "I'll see you around."

"Yeah, you too."

I say goodbye to Sampson and move back to my mortified captures.

"I've got shit to do today. Let's get going." I urge them forward. They quickly agree as they're looking for any out to lower the tension. It only takes a few minutes of walking for the awkwardness to fade, so I don't feel too bad about potentially muddying their relationships. As usual, I'm a few paces behind them as they walk. In all likelihood, they've completely forgotten about me. Peaches teases Martin for his endless stories while Valencia listens intently. Occasionally, she'll make a comment or ask a question, but for the most part, she remains silent. I've never had too many friends, so it's nice to enjoy myself vicariously through them. Their back and forth continues until we reach the guild. Martin and his party step inside to talk to the receptionist.

"What can I help you with today?" Catherine greets us as she is manning the receptionist's desk.

"...What did we come here for?"

[I was right.]

"Um, hi?" I announce my presence to hopefully remind him why we're here.

"Oh, right!" Martin collects himself and rests one arm on the counter while leaning towards the receptionist. His attempts at being suave just come off as hilariously pathetic. "We found this boy in the woods, so we brought him back to the guild. Kids really shouldn't be playing in that dangerous forest."

"Pfft." Catherine struggles to hold in her laughter. "Nick? What did you get yourself into?"

"I was just going for a run." I throw my hands out in exasperation. I make sure to leave out how I initially provoked him.

"Let me guess." Jezabel walks up behind Catherine with a smug grin.

[Here we go.]

"You saw Martin with two pretty women and thought they needed saving. There's nothing more pathetic than a child with a hero complex." I glance over at Martin, who looks increasingly confused.

"No comment," I reply.

"Fufufu, this should also be a lesson that you can't save people from themselves."

"Noted," I say as I nod my head.

"I was talking to Catherine." Jezabel continues to glare at me even after she's finished speaking. And with those parting words, the enigmatic guild master walks away.