The Face Of Wrath (4)

"What?" I look at the kids, who seem just as confused as I am. Inari sighs and rubs her temples with one hand.

"When fairies die, it is the job of the village head to absorb the core of the fallen fairy." The three of us just stand there, blinking, waiting for her to continue.

"The core, as you call it, contains the essence of the individual. By absorbing it, I can preserve the memories and feelings of the fallen fairy. I believe you humans refer to it as the soul."

"Shinigami?" Sakura places her hands on her face in shock.

"So you're an amalgamation of many souls?" I ask, perplexed.

"Not quite. Over the generations, our vessel has solidified itself into an imperturbable monolith. Each individual core has little effect on who we are now, but we continue the ceremony out of tradition. After becoming the village leader, I have retained some sense of self, but the monolith is becoming."

"Wow. So is that why you're so strong?"

"Essentially. Each fairy is relatively weak, but together, we become strong. We may not be very smart, but tens of thousands of years of memories culminate into a powerful force." Inari puts her hands on her hips and smiles proudly with her eyes closed. We all stand silently, trying to process what we just heard. It's hard to believe that the creature in front of me has that many years of memories all tied together.

[I've had my memories combined with that of another, but how can you do that a thousand times over? How can you maintain any sense of self?]

The system described in "Psycho-pass" comes to mind when thinking about what her experience must be like.

"It seems lonely." I break the silence with my comment.

"What?" Inari's smile drops to a frown.

"You don't have anyone to talk to about this, right?"

"What are you trying to say?"

"When was the last time you could discuss your situation with anyone?" Inari doesn't respond, but her frown deepens. "You exist as that monolith; you are a demigod. How can anyone relate to what you've been through? How can anyone begin to understand who you are?"

"I don't need to relate to other people." Inari turns her head away dismissively.

"So you're just alone forever? How can I envy your position? I can't imagine suffering in solitude for eternity."

"There is no eternity, child. All things come to an end eventually. And I have a purpose; I can survive any ordeal if it means protecting my fairies."

"So you need them just as much as they need you; the ever-watchful parent."

"I need them much more than they need me." Inari's face finally breaks into a grin. "They are my purity, the axle that my decisions revolve around."

"So you aren't alone."

"I'm more isolated than you could ever imagine, but that all washes away when I see them smile. No one smiles brighter than a fairy." I feel my eyes tearing up, so I wipe them away with my forearm. Inari continues speaking, which helps distract the others from my tears. "I'm sure you have places to be. Let's get you, children, back to town."

"Okay." The kids don't seem particularly affected by our conversation, but it's all I can do not to break down sobbing. I struggle to hold in my emotions as we walk steadily back to Alkine. The newlyweds are chattering aimlessly as we move. Sakura explains all the different types of flowers that she has seen in the forest so far and describes what they look like. Josh nods his head and occasionally throws in his two cents. The conversation ebbs and flows as they drift from one topic to another. A bright, sparkling smile alights Sakura's face as she grabs Josh's arm. Even Josh's normally stoic expression softens into a small grin.

[It must be moments like this that Inari was talking about: just enjoying the happiness of others.]

Like clockwork, I notice Inari's gaze. She watches me with a knowing smile. She flies close to me and asks quietly, "You do the same thing as me; are you projecting?"

I don't know how to respond, so I just shrug my shoulders. There are too many conflicting emotions rising through my chest.

Inari moves to the front while swaying back and forth in the air. Her smug attitude has been seemingly replaced by a calm comfort. So many thoughts are rushing through my mind that I hardly pay attention during the rest of the trip.

"Nick!"

"Huh, what?"

"You okay?" I look up and see Kim with concern painted on his face. Did we arrive at the town without me noticing?

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Just a little tired." I respond absentmindedly.

"Alright, well, you take care."

"Yeah, thanks. You too." I try to pull myself together as we make for the guildhall. I walk in and look for Shelly, but it doesn't seem like she's working today. I don't see anyone else I know at the counter, so I just pick a random line and wait for our turn.

"Quite the haul you kids have here."

"Thanks." Josh and Sakura answer in tandem.

"It should be four hundred." He looks a bit confused, so I let the guild staff member helping us know the usual price of our goods.

"Let me talk to the guild head," he replies. I nod, and we wait patiently. Sakura resumes her one-sided conversation about flowers, and I let her words flow through my mind. While thinking about how flowers might have evolved without the existence of dinosaurs, Jezabel arrives.

"Hello." I greet her with an even tone.

"I knew you would cause me more problems."

"I just got here."

"So you want four hundred for these?"

"I think so?" Now that she's asking, I'm less confident.

"So now you're not sure?" I'm a little shocked by her tone, so I decide to probe for information.

"I-are you trying to start a fight?"

"What if I am?"

"Then I surrender." I throw my hands up to alleviate any tension in the air.

"...You're no fun."

"Yes, well, I like not being dead."

"Three fifty."

"Why the price change, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Last year, we received a total of twenty Punctastar hides." I can feel everyone in the hall turn their attention to me. "In the last three days, you have delivered fourteen."

"That makes sense. I'll just take the three-fifty."

"Just like that?"

"Yeah, I mean if the supply goes up, the demand goes down. I didn't realize how inelastic the market was."

"You're pissing me off," Jezabel spits.

"I'm pissing myself off, so I'm glad we can agree on something."

"Here's your money; try not to choke on it." Jezabel places a bag of coins on the table while chuckling to herself. I'm struck by her odd behavior, and a boiling heat boils up in my stomach. Normally simple provocations like this don't bother me, but for some reason, I can feel an impudent rage fill my limbs.

"Is your life so pathetic that you feel the need to start a fight with a child?"

"You don't know anything about my life," she says coldly as she turns back to face me.

"True, and I assume no one else around here does either. You may find some modicum of satisfaction in clinging to your trauma, but that doesn't make you better than us. You act like you're the only person who has ever suffered loss. That doesn't make you superior. That doesn't make you strong."

"Big words coming from a child."

"I may be a child, but I don't make it a point of acting like one."

'Woosh!'

A sharp blade digs lightly into my neck.