Is he still even alive

As Tiamat ruby sits alone in her dorm ok the side of her bed as she stares out from the window and into sky . She thinks where is he why have you not talked to me for months where are you .

Where are you this must all be a dream right I can't do this anymore where is he . I swear if he doesn't get back this instant I will kill him . Before she thinks maybe he wasn't one of the lucky ones .

Maybe because he was so strong he was drafted like the others and so will never return .

She thinks about this in her head and as she thinks about this staring out into the sky with a shocked and terrified face .

Tears start to come out from her eyes as they make their way down her face and onto her clothes .

What if he's no longer alive she thinks what if he's already what if he's already no he can't be she thinks as she shakes her head and wet face .

He can't be dead but logic comes back to her before she thinks he most likely already is dead .

I'm kidding myself when I think he's just going to magically appear in front of me and comfort me and give me the reason . Of for why he was not hear for I think 6 months straight .

And has not communicated with me or anything so what should I do I don't know what to do . If he really is dead should I stay loyal to him even though he is dead .

And or do what most would likely do just move on without having a second thought . Should I do the dishonest move of still staying loyal to him or should I move on .

It's freaking me out I just can't think properly so this is what stress does tot he brain I think it make you unable to think logically .

I can't deal with all of this both knowing if he's alive or not scares me so much . What if he's alive what if he's no matter what answer it is .

I will still feel like this confused and alone what should I do what can I do.

Is he even still alive are the questions I ask my selves I don't know which is the answer but I'll try gong through like this until I find out .