16 Therapy!

A/N: Just a heads up but i got a bit carried away and almost all of this chapter is dialog, I just love these kinds of quick-fire conversations where nobody really answers questions unless with another question. >.< If you find yourself getting lost just remember that when there is a gap, then its swapping talker. at least during the therapy part, you'll know when it starts :3 I love word games.

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I am now entering the Hokage tower dressed in casual, the tower is as busy as always.

Approaching the front desk, I get the attention of the overworked looking ninja.

"Hello, I was told to report here."

I really don't know why I am here after all so that's all I can really say.

"Right, name. And number."

He only added the latter part after noticing the Hitai-ate around my neck.

I give my name and number and am told to head to room 14 in the psych wing.

Well, that's ominous.

Knocking on the correct door, (I had to ask for directions, its only my second time in this tower!), I enter after receiving an acknowledgement, and am greeted by a very... calm office, I suppose it's the point but all the neutral, calming and beige colours kinda just put me on guard.

Closing the door behind me I observe the offices owner.

she is a young woman, a natural blond, maybe mid-twenties, she gestures to the comfy looking seat in front of her desk and as I sit, I can confirm that, yes, it 𝘪𝘴 as comfortable as it looks.

After a moment of silence, clearly her letting me be the first to speak, until she realises, I have no inclination to do so, and with a patented smile she breaks the ice. With a voice that just screams therapist.

"Hello, my name is Koi Yamanaka, and I will be your therapist for the foreseeable future, before we begin do you have any questions? or something you'd like to get out of the way?"

Called it, and yes, in fact I do.

"Why am I getting therapy exactly?"

She seems to have been expecting this question, maybe she gets it a lot?

"Every ninja on the active roster has mandatory therapy sessions, even moreso for higher ranked ninja or, as in your case, ninjas below the civilian age of majority."

Huh. Y'know that actually makes sense.

"Well, you're the professional here, what now?"

She seems pleased I'm not fighting this, which makes sense since there are probably a lot of shinobi who would see therapy as an insult or something stupid that stupid people think.

"Now, we talk, typically we would just talk about how you are doing, about what's going on in your life and how that has made you feel, but since today is our first session, we will instead spend this time to get to know each other and our thoughts on this situation, as well as something else i would like to talk about at the end."

I nod along her words until she gets to the end, and I use the driest voice possible to ask.

"Does this mysterious subject at the end happen to have anything to do with my first kill, perchance?"

She definitely wasn't expecting me to just jump into it huh.

"Well, yes, it was, however if you'd prefer, we could start with that?"

"I think it would be better to just do both, talking about this will be a good reference for getting to understand me and what I feel about doing therapy."

Ok, so she was clearly expecting me to be more my age, but now that she knows I'm not she has visibly switched gears, and her smile has changed from that comforting thing that felt vaguely condescending and is just a soft smile that looks a lot more comfortable on her face.

'This sucks'

"I was told to not expect you to act like your age, but I must confess you have surprised me."

"A ninja should always expect the unexpected, no?"

"That assumes that I am a ninja."

"Which is a reasonable assumption."

"Except, we are at war, wouldn't it make more sense to use civilians as therapists so all our ninja can contribute?"

"That assumes the contribution of the shrink ninja is equal to that of the ninja they would be helping, that's like saying our medic-nin should be fighting instead of healing."

"So you are saying therapists are equal in value to a medic-nin?"

"I am saying, if you can stop just two decent ninja from breaking, then you have provided more firepower to the village than you yourself is likely to be capable of."

"But again, doesn't that assume that I am a ninja? a poor quality one at that."

"Are you denying being a kunoichi?"

"I'm only asking for clarification on your thoughts."

"Well then, I think you're a kunoichi because a civilian will never understand what it means to be a ninja, not to mention most ninja wouldn't be able to respect a civilian enough to trust them with their issues. Only a ninja is qualified to give therapy to another ninja."

"So, you think civilian therapists would be unhelpful at best or detrimental at worst for our shinobi?"

"Is that a question relevant to why I am here?"

"No, but it is one that has come up recently with the war going on and I am curious for your take on the matter."

"Don't we have a time limit to our talkings?"

"We do, but for this session that time limit is greatly extended especially with your unique circumstance."

"And what unique circumstance is that?"

"You are six years old, and in spite of any supposed maturity, you have experienced your first kill, a traumatising event for all shinobi, never mind one so young."

"I somehow doubt that."

"Doubt what, exactly?"

"That the first kill is traumatising for 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 shinobi. Unless you mean to tell me that this village has never had psychopaths and the like?"

"Do you see yourself as a psychopath?"

"'And the like.'"

"Meaning?"

"I wouldn't say I'm a psychopath but I'm aware I'm insane, relatively."

"And what makes you think that?"

"I'm a ninja, of course"

"You mean to say all ninja are insane?"

"What else would a civilian call someone they know would kill an innocent young girl without hesitation, for no reason than because they were told too?"

"Do you think what you did was wrong?"

"I think any civilian in the village would be horrified at what I did and that I did it so young. And I think they would then call me insane should they learn how I enjoyed it."

"Do you think it was wrong of you to enjoy taking a life?"

"I simply acknowledge how others would feel about it"

"And how did you feel, taking her life?"

"I didn't really feel anything, emotionally"

"And physically?"

"I felt light, I felt adrenaline, I felt like how I assume being high feels."

"Why do you think you felt that way?"

"I'm pretty sure it was a natural response, my body going into shock after seeing death so close for the first time."

"Do you feel, then, that therapy would be a waste of your time? If you are not suffering from your actions?"

"Not really, I may not feel anything for something as inane as murder, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to be fighting in a war in a couple days, and it would be an exercise in arrogance to assume nothing there will affect me."

"So you recognise the importance of therapy then?"

"Need I repeat myself?"

"No, it's just rare for shinobi to accept the importance of therapy, especially on their first session."

"Does that hurt your pride? being blown off by every shinobi that comes here?"

"I believe I'm supposed to be the one doing the therapy here."

"I believe your words were 'since today is our first session, we will instead spend this time to get to know each other'. Unless that was a fallacy, and I needn't know you as you know me?"

"I did indeed say that, good memory by the way, and you're right, fair is fair. I do get somewhat irritated when shinobi act as if they can handle all of their burdens alone, I suppose it is similar to how the medics, famously hate shinobi patients thanks to their disregard for bed rest."

"Do 𝘺𝘰𝘶 equate shrink-nin to medic-nin?"

"The brain is just another organ in the body, I am simply a specialised medic-nin, no?"

"So you admit you're a kunoichi?"

"I never denied it."

"You never confirmed it either"

"Do I really have to? You clearly already have your answer."

"To assume you're right without confirmation is an effort in futility."

"Well then, yes I am a kunoichi, a Tokubetsu Jonin to be precise"

"Not good enough for a proper promotion?"

"The opposite really, I'm squarely a chunin, but I'm good enough in my speciality to be recognised with a higher rank."

"Is therapy a speciality to be promoted for?"

"I don't think you truly believe that therapy is my specialty."

"Exactly, you don't 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬, you don't 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 unless you ask"

"Ah, I think I understand. In that case, what do you think my speciality is?"

"Counter espionage."

"What makes you think that?"

"That depends."

"On what?"

"Am I right?"

"Haha, no, unfortunately you are not, my speciality is profiling and information gathering."

"In that case I assumed counter espionage because you're clearly a good actor, perfect for espionage, but as not just a Yamanaka, but a 𝘧𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘦 Yamanaka, I highly doubt the village would ever let you infiltrate an enemy shinobi village, that's what they have clan-less ninja like me for after all, and that leaves counter espionage."

"You don't seem upset at the village prioritising my life and safety over yours purely because of where and to whom we were born?"

"I would be more upset if they didn't to be honest, I don't really care about what choices people make, but inefficiency always annoys me, and giving enemy villages a shot at our bloodlines is not a very efficient way to win a war."

"You don't have a problem with villages kidnaping clan women to breed the bloodline for themselves?"

"Are you insinuating that Konoha wouldn't do the same given the chance?"

"Being willing to do something for the future, doesn't mean you have to be happy about it."

"True, well, the only thing I find distasteful about it really is that everyone always seems to prefer the idea of using kunoichi, I mean I understand that it's probably because the majority of ninja forces are male, so by popular vote its far more likely for a village to want women for breeding stock, but really it would be so much more efficient to kidnap a male, and have him impregnate like ten women, he'll probably not even fight that hard against it too, then you can just kill the guy and start a new indoctrinated clan. Easy peasy."

"And you don't think there are any moral implications in this?"

"I think that's a stupid question."

"Elaborate?"

"Who decides what is lawful? Who decides what is moral? People like to hide behind laws and morals as an example of what is right and what is wrong, but they were just decided by random people, like you and me, and if they can decide what's moral, then why can't I? Why can't you? It's all a matter of perspective."

"And what is your perspective?"

"I think everyone, in the end, has free will, and we all just do whatever we want with the options available to us, for example I am here because I want to keep being a ninja, and because I wanted to not deal with whatever would happen should I have refused to come, however I am still here because I'm actually having a lot of fun right now. You are here, I imagine, because you want to keep your job, or maybe something more altruistic and you want to help people, either way you are just doing what you want, and I will never get upset at someone for doing what they want."

"So you think it's fine for anybody to do anything?"

"Not quite, I think I have no right to be upset with someone for doing what they want, I believe doing so would be hypocritical. Like if someone punched me in the face, I would want to be upset about being punched in the face and I would want to hit them back as revenge, but I would not be mad at 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 for making the choice to hit me."

"I'm still not sure I quite understand."

"Think about it like this, rather than saying 'How could you do that', I think we should be more honest and say, 'I don't like that you did that'. It functionally makes no difference to anything, but it is how I see things."

"I think I understand now, and I must say it is a most interesting thought process you have."

"I try."

"Indeed."

And with that Koi glances at the clock on the wall and wryly smiles at her empty notebook, 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘐'𝘮 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘦𝘯𝘫𝘰𝘺𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬, and turns back to me.

"Well, I hate to end your fun, but out time is unfortunately up for today, I expect to have another session in about a month, but I understand that you might not be available, in which case, after a month I'd like for you to come and book a session when your free, or if you want to talk earlier, you can always come for a walk in."

I look at the clock myself and 𝘸𝘰𝘸, 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘴𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨?

It's already evening, I will probably have to rush just to make it in time for dinner, thinking such, I say my goodbyes to Koi and shunshin home, using the front door this time since I'm not in uniform.

As I walk in, I smell dinner, 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘮𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦.

My parents were happy that I showed up, apparently, they were worried I'd get caught up in work and miss dinner, I didn't tell them what I've been doing today, 𝘴𝘦𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘵 𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘫𝘢 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘧𝘧, 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶.

Then we ate a nice meal together, I listened to my mum talking about how all her friends have been acting about her pregnancy and then I went to bed.

It's been a good day.

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A/N: He~llo! Dear readers!

wow, over 2k words of pre therapy lol. i really like word games, and i was imagining the convocation to be without pause, constantly shooting questions and answers, no time to think about what to say. its like a battle of the mind instead of body.

Please give me a review @>@ i want a star rating!! even if its one star!

Love you all, see you next chap >.<