Unexpected

I didn't wait for you. I didn't know you were coming. When you appeared I didn't realise, because there was never a YOU. You were not on any list. You were a surprise, a gift I never thought I deserve.

Similarly, I didn't fall inlove with you. I walked into love with you, with my eyes wide open, choosing to take every single step ahead of me.

From the moment I started calling you Cave Girl I knew I'd be hooked. When I looked into your eyes I felt our stars aligning. I think I found my future in your eyes. Every single day my life gains more meaning with you in it. I always loved the rain you know. That's because it was my comfort, it was there for me in moments I wanted no one else to be. You became that for me. You became my safe space and just like the rain the blanket of comfort you cover me with is one no one else could ever offer nor comprehend.

I don't know when I actually started liking or better yet loving you. Did it start off as a seed that I gradually watered? A seed that later blossomed into something bigger? Did it appear out of nowhere and just kept growing? I really don't know, but it had me in a turmoil of emotions.

Will she feel the same? Does she feel the same? Will I be the only one to fall in deep?

Those are all questions I asked myself. But you answered them all. You showed me that no matter what you would always love me. Ever since you, I've asked what good I have done in my life to be blessed with such a wonderful girlfriend.

You're my sun, you know why? Because just like the sun lights the moon in the dark you light up my dark days and you make them admirable. And that's where I always want to be. Right here with you. Next to you, having petty fights just for the sake of it. In your arms amidst your comfort and warmth. I keep wanting to express all the abounding feelings I have for you but not knowing how. This is a start I guess.

In books and fairytales, the love interests always fall for each other whilst one or both of them were in their darkest pits. I never wanted that. I didn't want someone to come into my life and burden them with fixing something they didn't break. I wanted the person I loved to find me in a place where I am more myself, and that right there is how you found me. It is said in order for a flower to grow you need to water it regularly and care for its environment. I am said flower. You created a safe place for me in your heart and watered mine with your love everyday.

But I don't know what to do with everything you make me feel. All the emotions and feelings. No one ever told me how to keep the water below my skin. No one told me that love has no seabed. No one told me that in love you drown. That doesn't matter though, because any day I would choose drowning in your love over anything else. I wish I could write the way I think. Passionately, fascinating and tremendously deep. I would write on days end. Like I've been starved. I would write manuscripts spiralling out like tentacles. I would write till I could no longer hold onto a pen. Till every thought of you in my head was on a sheet of paper. However, that would be impossible, for you are the only thought forever clouding my mind. You're the only one I look forward to talking to when I get home and telling you how my day was. The only one I want to be with when I'm happy, sad, frustrated, tired or angry.

What is it about you? Some may ask. I don't know. Probably the way you are easily flustered and blush at the slightest compliment, which is very cute. The way you reassure me, even when I don't ask but you know I need it. The way you're so caring towards those you care for. You wanting to better yourself not just for me but for yourself too. How you listen to everything I say, even when I think you aren't. The love you have for your music that I will never understand. You preferring to watch people react to shows instead of just watching them, which I find odd. You slowly picking up some of my habits and I find that adorable. Your humour that never fails to put a smile on my face. The way you look at me like I'm the only thing that matters. Your eyes sparkling with stars when you talk about something you really like. Your weird and disturbing facts. You're smart. You're beautiful. You're kind. And most importantly you try even when you don't know what to do or say. I guess you could say that those are some of the reasons why I love you.

It's nothing big really, because how could I have really not fallen inlove with you? You're just amazing. There are still parts of me tht I still have to share with you. Parts that I have gradually worked on getting comfortable with. But your patience makes me feel like I don't have to rush to do that.

There's just something about loving someone that makes you lose your mind. Cause I'm constantly thinking what you're doing. If you ate or if you are taking care of yourself. And that is because I cannot fathom a reality where you are not okay. I can't always be there for you but I can't stop thinking that if I were would I be able to take away the darkness you don't want to burden me with. I'm still learning about you. I'm still grasping the threads of you being real and mine. It will take time but whenever and wherever I will always be here whether you need me or not. I won't be terrified of what's in your mind because that's a part of you and I love every part of you. In any version of reality I'd find you and I'd choose you over and over again. I do believe in fate yes, but I believe that we are only fated to the things we choose anyway, and in my case that's you. You are my fate, for in a thousand lifetimes I would always choose you.

You're always there when I call. Turning the whole world upside down when I'm not willing to talk just to find out what's wrong. You're not perfect, no, but to me in your own way you are. With you I feel more alive. Yes my insecurities do get the best of me sometimes, but you still look at me and see a masterpiece.An artwork worth more than millions. So how could I possibly not be infatuated by you. You accept me for everything that I am and that I am not. The galaxy cannot compete with you nor your beauty. Love isn't easy, relationships aren't either, but you make it worth fighting for. This is one chapter in my life I want to take my time reading and not rush through.

A lot of times I crave to see your real expression to the love quotes I send you. I have a visual presentation, you blushing getting all shy and probably feeling what I felt when I sent it. You my love are an adventure that I will never get tired of going on. Our world's collided and created this beautiful collision. Our own galaxy. Where only we get to go and delight in. On dark nights I think what it would feel like to be cuddled in your arms, having a deep conversation or just silence and having no care in the world on anything else going around in the world. It would feel like pure bliss. Like the first drop of water after being stranded in the desert for days on end.

The distance between us was never a problem for me. Even though I couldn't see as much as I wanted to or hold you to my heart's desire, I still felt deeply for you. So much so that my emotions got centered around the feeling of missing you. One moment I'm annoyed at you for not being next to me and the next I'm sad at the same reason. As you like to say life is hard lol.

All my life I thought that there were just two kinds of love, the one you'd kill for and the one you'd die for, but you my love are the kind of love I would live for.

I sometimes wonder how you can be so good. How you can be so patient without breaking. How I walk on the edge of your knife yet you do not cut me regardless of how sharp it is. How you always seem to find a new light in what I do. You amaze me. Yet I on the other hand am not like you. I don't always know what to say. I temper with you. I work on your nerves. I doubt you, yet you still stay. I had never met a soul who could speak my language but you showed me that you are fluent in me.

But yet again there's so much that I still don't tell you. Truth is you control a lot of my emotions unknowingly. Yeah I might be tough love and what not, but more often than not I found myself feeling a lot cause of it. I never tell you that, cause if you say that I'm rude and that's my love language than I won't say anything cause that's a good thing. But that's only in person. Over the phone it's a completely different thing cause it hits me. But the last thing I want to do to you is make you feel bad for something that's true. I'm working on it, but for now, I'll let this be a secret between my pillow and I.

I feel like I make things awkward sometimes you know cause I always take everything so seriously. But you try. That's all I can really ask from you cause this is a two person thing. I too have to put in an effort and I apologise for all the times I've made you feel like you weren't doing enough.

Honestly you have changed a lot in my life including my life. I've always been a person who lived up to other people's expectations. That's just how I grew up, but I could never quite do it. I get an 89% they ask me why I didn't get a 90. I pass with all 80% they ask why its not 90. I never could get them to say "you did well" or even a "well done". All my life I've been working hard for other people's praise in the way I thought or how I even lived my life. But you, you changed it.

You don't talk or look at me like you expect me to act a certain way. You look at me and tell me to be myself and do what I want. You are supportive, and that's another thing I love about you. I was always in survival mode until you came along. I never really looked forward to the next day. I was lost as to what I wanted, cause I was waiting for someone to make the decision for me, and they always did.

I might not be there yet, but I'm very close. I don't care as much about other people's expectations of me cause if they really wanted the best for me they wouldn't make me despise my life or how I lived it. Slowly but surely I'm falling inlove with life again. I think God brought you into my life when we most needed each other without knowing it. I thought I was okay by myself but I was wrong. All I really wanted was someone who really got me, whom I can lean on and who didn't make me feel less. I'm so grateful for you. I appreciate you for being in my life.

You make love look easy. You say you not good with words but I say that that's a lie. You know what to say when needed to.