44 Interlude: Shaak Ti

Confusion. Exasperation. Cursing oneself for being a naive fool.

Anger.

That's how being Shaak Ti felt.

Ever since she started actively participating in the war, she had found it harder and harder to center herself when she meditated. The screams of billions dying were echoing through the Force, feeding the Dark Side. Every day more and more people were joining the choir of the murdered, making it that more difficult to keep oneself free of their emotions while meditating.

In hindsight, Shaak Ti and the other Jedi Masters should have anticipated it happening. She had seen the records of the wars between the Old Republic and the Sith. Of the effect that a prolonged galaxy spanning conflict had on the Jedi Order.

That simplywasn't enough to prepare her for the reality of the war. The sheer senseless, callous destruction and the unimaginable scale of death that inevitably came with it.

What she did know was why the Jedi of old were so reluctant to participate in the Republic's wars unless the Sith were involved.

Simply feeling the war through the Force while she was training Clone Troopers on Kamino, while far away of any active battlefield was more than enough to make ridding herself of her emotions difficult. On the occasions she was near the location of anything but a small scale skirmish, she could easily feel people's deaths echoing through the Force.

And when she actually engaged in combat, it was that much Worse. The only thing that helped then was the nature of the enemy, which was composed mostly of droids.

That didn't help as much as she had hoped.

Shaak Ti still felt the death of the Clones under her command, of the ordinary beings engaging on both sides… and the civilians caught in the cauldron of war.

As often as not, when countless millions were dying in the span of moments by either design or accident, every Jedi could sense it.

Despite all her efforts, the Jedi Master was simply no longer able to completely purge herself of her feelings as she could do before the conflict flared to life. Especially when meditation, which was the exact time for a Jedi to balance himself and set herself free from any emotion.

The war had been slowly warping the Jedi.

Every time a Jedi engaged in combat, every time an order member was anywhere near a massacre, they were influenced by the Dark Side no matter how much they tried to resist it. It frayed the Jedi's control over their emotions.

Then he appeared, and it all got much, much worse.

A Dark Lord of the Sith… who was anything, but what the Jedi were taught to expect.

Shaak Ti would have laughed if she could. Instead she just glared at the man who was subtly destroying the Jedi Order from within.

The ancient records had warned the future generations of Jedi how dangerous the Sith could be.

Those warnings were in fact underestimating the true threat a Dark Lord of the Sith could pose. It wasn't his mastery over the Force and techniquesthat had becomehalf-forgotten legends.It wasn't his proficiency with a lightsaber that rivaled or perhaps even surpassed the best swordsmen in the Order. Oh, no. Those things weren't what made him truly dangerous.

It was his dark allure. The strange charisma that he could summon at times. The reasonable way in which he made millennia of Jedi teachings sound as if they were flawed creations, holding the Order members back.

When he spoke, the Jedi, especially the younger ones listened. Instead of scoffing at his attempts to twist everything they were, every principle they stood for, a lot of Jedi considered his words… and an increasing number of them found merit in them.

After the horrors a lot of them had felt, witnessed or even participated in, it made a number of Jedi doubt themselves and their teachings. It made them willing to listen when Veil spoke "innocently" suggesting another way to do things.

Oh, she felt the allure of his words. At a time when even Jedi Masters found it all but impossible to free themselves of their feelings during meditation, impossible to fully center themselves, Veil was promising that they didn't have to. That they weren't failing as Jedi when allowing themselves to feel.

That it wasn't wrong.

It was what many of the younger ones and some of their elders wanted, to hear.

It was the same for Shaak Ti. It was a vindication that a deeply buried part of the Togruta sorely needed. A promise that her predator instincts that always made it hard to be a decent, emotion free Jedi, weren't wrong. Weren't something that she necessary needed to constantly fight. That her instincts wasn't something to fear.

She could see it now. It was so easily to start sliding down a damning path. It felt so right to let herself experience emotions instead of instantly squashing them with a sheer effort of her will.

It was sublime.

And it almost brought her to damnation.

Even now, when Shaak Ti was finally clearly seeing the trap she fell into, it was all she could to to hold the storm of emotions raging within her and not act on them. She trembled with the effort, pressing her lightsaber to Veil's heart.

It would be so easily to give in to her righteous anger and end the Sith once and for all.

Yet he spoke again, his honeyed words halting her hand for the moment. No matter how she loathed it, the bastard was right. Simply cutting him down in anger… she knew the consequences. That would surely lead to the Dark Side.

What was the alternative?! Here he was, at her mercy, an occurrence that was unlikely to happen once that was no longer the case.

He would never let himself be so vulnerable again.

Shaak Ti knew that she was trapped. Snared as surely as the rest of the Council. Legally he had done nothing wrong to warrant her striking him down. Doing so could very well turn the Senate, Chancellor and the Republic and her army against the Jedi. It was something that almost happened when Master Windu apparently saw the truth during the attack on the Temple and tried to act on it.

A wave of desperation slammed in Shaak Ti and almost instantly fed into her anger. What was the alternative? Watch how Veil continues to tear apart the Order from within? Watch him turn scores of Jedi to the Dark Side without them suspecting anything being amiss? Allow him to continue to toy with her? To continue manipulating her?!

She was shaking, losing her doomed fight to contain the confusing storm of emotions threatening to engulf her whole being.

Claiming that he wanted her to be free?! She almost laughed at the thought. It sounded great, it truly did. It was a lie of course. Another plot to twist her mind.

There was only one little problem, a treacherous voice spoke at the back of her head. Why letting herself freely experience emotions for the first time felt so right?! Why did it make her feel complete if it was so wrong?!

Then Veil leaned even closer and softly kissed her.

That threw Shaak Ti for a loop, the unfamiliar sensation making her bind blank for a moment.

It was unexpectedly pleasant. It called to the instincts that even now were fighting for control.

Shaak Ti growled, a primal sound containing equal amounts of confusion, dark desire and fury.

The last vestiges of control she had over her emotions snapped.

=RK=

Part 7

Briefing room 1

Republic Cruiser "Chimera"

First Assault Fleet Flagship

High Orbit over Geonosis

A pulse of raw, wild Force energy threw me back. Only instinctively shielding myself from the power release prevented me from slamming intothe bulkhead behind me, though it was close. My frayed nerves screamed as too much Force ran through my body, but I only grit my teeth and took a step closer to Shaak Ti, who was swaying on her feet. The Jedi Master was in the center of a localized storm of energy which was whipping around her like a small tornado.

At the same time the doors slid open, revealing my Apprentice. Aria had an ignited Lightsaber in hand and a confused expression on her face. HK was a step behind her, his carbine was sweeping the room for threats.

"Leave. Make sure we aren't interrupted." I ordered, while concentrating my attention on Shaak Ti.

From the corner of my eye I saw Aria frown, but she stiffly nodded nevertheless and left with my assassin on her heels. When the door shut and locked behind them I let out a sigh of relief. The last thing I needed was an interruption. This was going out to be a delicate matter to handle.

The emotions I could sense coming from the Jedi Master had risen to a crescendo, a virtual hurricane of unbound and conflicting feelings. My lips twitched upwards in a semblance of a smile as I allowed my senses to brush over the amount of Force that Shaak Ti was unwittingly channeling. The raw power at her disposal now that she was no longer binding her feelings was making her even more alluring.

Now, how to end this mess without having to kill her, because that would be such a kriffing waste…

I concentrated, using the Force to brush the surface of Shaak Ti's mind. She flinched at the ethereal contact. The power around her contracted, forming a rough defensive barrier between Shaak Ti and the surrounding world. It was a pure reflexive response, nothing that could prevent me reaching her if I wanted.

"Shaak Ti." I spoke into her mind, taking advantage of the glaring lack of mental shields, which had collapses when she lost all semblance of control over her emotions.

The Jedi flinched and took a step back. Suddenly the cauldron of boiling emotions that was gripping her was being dominated by sheer terror.

"I have no intention of hurting you." Unless you tried to stab me with that lightsaber, but lets hope it wouldn't come to that.

"VEIL!" She hissed. "You did this to me!" In an instant the fear was drowned by delicious fury.

"I'm partially to blame, yes. How is it, to feel? To revel in your emotions for the first time since you were a little girl?" I asked aloud.

"This is madness!" Shaak Ti stared at me with wild, scared eyes.

"Well, you're loosing it in a rather spectacular way, though thankfully there isn't any collateral damage to speak of." I quipped.

She was back to being furious with me. Yep. Typical Jedi, no idea what to do with her emotions.

Fear. Desperation. Anger. Desire. Sheer confusion. Regret. Self loathing. Sense of loss. Attraction… The way her emotions were shifting like demented podracers was giving me a headache. Undoubtedly it was a hundred time worse for her.

"It's all right. There's nothing wrong with allowing yourself to feel emotions. Doing so don't lead to the Dark Side." I took a step forward, while doing my best to project a sense of calm and security through the Force. "Close your eyes. Concentrate on a single feeling. Let yourself experience it instead of fighting it. Let yourself feel." I muttered softly and took another step forward.

"It's too much!" Shaak Ti whispered with a desperation laden voice. The Force responded, lashing wildly around her and leaving rends in the bulkheads. I staggered as a wave of power slammed into my defenses, but continued to slowly get closer to the confounded Jedi.

"It's not. You're stronger than this. You can face your emotions, revel in them without losing yourself." I whispered.

"I can't! It's wrong!" She shook her head in confusion.

"Is it? Does it feel wrong? Or are you afraid that for the first time everything feels right, even if you don't know how to handle it? I know its confusing."

Another step and I was in a hand's reach from Shaak Ti. Her emotions shifted again and this time she looked lost and vulnerable. I frowned. I hated seeing her like that. I moved even closer and gently placed my hands on her shoulders. Her head snapped up and she looked at me with her huge eyes.

Confusion. Attraction. Danger. Mistrust/Trust. Desire. Anger.

Her swirling feelingscontinuedto bombard me as I softly rubbed her shoulders, trying to calm her down.

"Let it go. Stop fighting your emotions." I whispered.

Without thinking I raised my right hand and gently cupped her cheek.

"It's all right."

"Why? What did I ever do to you?" Shaak Ti asked.

"You fascinate me. Your strength, your determination. Especially the glimpses I've seen from the woman who was hidden under all those layers of Jedi indoctrination. I'm not your enemy, Shaak Ti. Especially not now, when you're finally free. Then there is the fact that you're a gorgeous woman too." I smirked in the end, earning myself a soft snort.

"You have a strange way of showing it." The amusement was gone as fast as it appeared. "You broke me." She muttered.

A profound sense of loss. Shame. Failure.

"On the contrary. You're finally whole. There's nothing to be ashamed of."

Anger. Confusion. Satisfaction mixed with loathing.

"I broke the most important tenet of the Code!" Shaak Ti shouted in my face and started shacking. "I'm not worth of being a Jedi Master and it's all because of you!"

"You don't believe that. Not really." I stated. "Listen to your heart. I can sense it in you. You don't believe that letting your emotions run free is wrong."

"What do you know?! Have you gone against everything you've been taught?" Shaak Ti snapped at me.

I smiled. Check mate.

"Yes." I leaned forward until our noses were almost touching. "I've told you a few things about the Empire I served. About my fellow Sith and their mistaken interpretation of our code. Of my intentions once I ascended to the Dark Council though that plan was thrown away by my excursion to the future. An apprentice killing their master. The warped self-destructing internal politics that doomed the Empire even after the Republic and the Jedi were military defeated. As a Sith those were things I should have approved of. You know that I hated that nonsense and I would have changed if if I wasn't sent to the present. Or died trying." I added quietly. "So yes, I know exactly where you stand. The fact that the majority of your Order swears by their precious Jedi Code doesn't make it right or sensible."

Shaak Ti closed her eyes. I didn't need the Force to know that her mind was spinning.

"Freedom is a precious thing, Shaak Ti. Awonderful and terrible thing. Please don't throw it away now that you found it."

"What do you want?" She sighed tiredly. "Why are you doing this to me? I know…" She growled. "I can hear it whispering. I could feel a part of it within me. The Dark Side. Yet… I don't think I've fallen though a lot of Jedi will disagree." She frowned in confusion.

"Fallen? No, far from it. As far as the Dark Side goes, at least now you can meet her on a level playing field. It has always been there even if the most of the time you couldn't hear her clearly."

Shaak Ti's frown deepened. I could see understanding and confusion in her eyes, even a trace of horror.

"You could have turned me just now. Easily."

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I'm interested in you, not the twisted fallen Jedi I would have on my hands if I had turned you. Being a True Sith doesn't mean that you fall to the Dark Side, for that would be a failure of which precious few had ever recovered. It means that she is our servant, our greatest, most terrible and dangerous tool."

"Dangerous for your enemies and yourself."

"Finally you understand." I beamed. "The Dark Side is a double edged sword. However when using it in combination with the Light, when we use the Force itself, then it finally sets us free."

"Free." Shaak Ti repeated with a far away look in her eyes.

The storm of emotions that had been gripping her for some time started to slowly abate. I could feel her relax a bit in my arms.

I couldn't help myself. I crossed the tiny distance separating us and kissed her. After a moment of confusion Shaak Ti leaned into my touch and returned the kiss.

Anger. Pleasure. Confusion. Desire. Contentment. Need.

I could see her eyes darken with feelings she had never allowed herself to experience before.

Damn, her taste was simply intoxicating.

A sexy grow emanated from her chest as she pried her lips away from mine.

"After all you do want to get under my robes." Shaak Ti glared at me.

"I'm a Sith. I'm selfish like that."

Damn, that woman was making me lose my better judgment.

"I see." She growled in such a way that sent a pleasant shiver up my spine. "I find myself feeling selfish too." Shaak Ti growled and slammed her lips into mine.