kids say the funniest things stories

At age 3, she knew who she wanted to marry. At age 10, she gave away her first kiss. At age 20, she became his personal bodyguard. For her childhood best friend to still run away after all this, what was the point of her learning marital art all these years? The saddest thing to come out of all this was the fact that she was the one feeling burdened all this time… Five years later. “Mommy! How come I am so cute but I do not have a daddy?” “How should I know? Go ask your daddy!” Xia Yuxun watched the newly married couple through the TV screen and answered without looking back. Half an hour later, at the live wedding that was being broadcasted, a crying child was grabbing onto the groom’s leg and screaming “daddy”. The man stared at the miniature version of himself and asked, “Where’s your mommy?” Xia Yuxun, who was watching this live show gulped, “You brat, you are digging your mom a hole!”

Reborn into the body of a poor young boy in an unknown village in another world, Lu Qing felt quite helpless. Fortunately, he awakened an ability to see through the information of objects, which gave him a bit of capital to survive. He looked at a weed by the road. [Cow bone grass, average quality, medicinal, highly effective in treating bone injuries.] He looked at a red carp in the river. [Red moon carp, excellent quality, delicious meat, a top-grade nourishing food.] He looked at a wild rabbit in the mountains. [Gray rabbit, ordinary wild rabbit, edible.] ... With his innate ability, Lu Qing gradually established himself in the village, able to survive. Just when he thought he would lead a peaceful life in this ancient world with low productivity, one day, he suddenly saw a figure sweeping across the sky...

Having crossed into the Immortal Cultivation World and finding himself at the very bottom, struggling to survive, Xu Yang discovered he possessed a special golden finger. As long as he persisted in any single activity, he could gain the power to transform the decayed into the miraculous. Eating: Stabilize the Foundation and Cultivate Essence, strengthen the body, extend lifespan… Sleeping: Nourish and accumulate energy, be as vigorous as a dragon or a tiger, Eternal Youth… Breathing: Turtle breathing technique, a tide of vitality, Qi Moves Mountains and Rivers… Walking: Travel a thousand miles in a day, shrink the land beneath you, rival mountains in your speed… No matter if it was the common myriad activities or the Hundred Arts of Cultivation, as long as one was persistent, they could reach the pinnacle of refinement. With this, Xu Yang evolved from a humble fisherman into the strongest ever known, revered as the Ten Mile Sword God!

Su Yang was an average university student in Shanghai when he received a system that allowed him to add points to things. The point system provided him with missions and by clearing them, he would gain points. Add a point into an object, the object will receive a special ability; add a point into a plant, the plant will come alive; add points on himself, he will get talents or superpowers. With the mysterious point system in hand, Su Yang aimed to become rich and alter his fate. On his path towards success, he encountered many interesting matters and people, including famous actresses and business tycoons. Fueled by determination, Su Yang set his sight on adding points into all things to help him achieve his goal.

Bei Ran lay on the operating table, Gu Qingchen was her surgeon. His eyes, deep as the Aegean Sea, gazed at her: "Honey, it's been four years since we got married, and you're still afraid of me?" Honey? Last night he already threw a divorce agreement at her, what right does he have to call her that? In City A, Gu Qingchen is a long-lasting legend. He is a leading figure in the medical field and a major shareholder in a Fortune 500 company, capable of great influence in the business world. He only needed an obedient wife. Bei Ran was so 'obedient' that he never had to worry. The four-year marriage was just a matter of agreement, but who is the one lingering endlessly after the divorce? She accidentally fell into water at a wedding she was hosting, he said: "Beg me, you know I'm always responsive to your demands!" "Gu Qingchen, we're divorced!" Bei Ran couldn't stand it anymore! He laughed coldly: "Bei Ran, we've been married for four years, you have a five-year-old daughter, do you really want to die here?" Bei Ran was shocked, he knew? Would he fight her for her daughter? Gu Qingchen could never have imagined that the chubby little bun in front of him was actually his biological daughter! "Bei Ran, you hid it from me for five years, always flawlessly obedient before me, tell me, how should I punish you?" Gu Qingchen raised a bloodthirsty smile. Could she possibly not tell him there is also a son who looks just like him! Theater Version: The teacher informed Bei Ran that her son had used a scalpel in school to investigate the cause of death of poisoned small animals. Her daughter was causing a stir in school with her stock trading. In her anger, she said, "No one to take you to school today, take the bus yourselves." The daughter sought help from Gu Qingchen but got no response, so she said: "Yesterday, a pretty aunt stayed in Dad's office for an hour, and her skirt was super short." The twins truly had a shared understanding; the son said: "The station manager hugged Mom yesterday, even kissed her cheek, and said he would never let go!" Bei Ran and Gu Qingchen spoke in unison: "Trying to sow discord, you're still too naive, go to school yourselves!" The siblings shouldered their backpacks and went to take the bus, while the couple returned to the bedroom, closing the door behind them. She leapt onto him, her fiery temper on full display: "You actually stayed with that woman for an entire hour?" He was overbearingly domineering: "Damn it, which part of you did he kiss, I will seal his mouth with a scalpel!"

Qin Mu had been reborn and awakened a system. When he saw people and things without principles, Qin Mu decided not to ignore them anymore. "DING! Congratulations, Host, for making choice 3. Take the scam call seriously, making the scammer initiate a police report and fall into their own trap, and activating the Seriousness System!" "DING! Congratulations, Host, for obtaining the Advanced Voice Disguise skill!"

Lin Wan transmigrated into a book and became the stepmother of the male lead. Her husband was an undisputed big shot in commerce and was cold, decisive, and ruthless. Her stepsons were each more eccentric and difficult than the other... until they took part in a variety show as a family. Five families were competing, each of which was perfectly harmonious... Except for Lin Wan's family. Naturally, they were the control group once the variety show aired. Every other family would have scenes of the parents cooking and the children helping adorably, a picturesque sight of family harmony. On the other hand, Lin Wan and her three stepsons ignored each other as they had crackers and ham for their dinners amidst an eerie silence. At night, while the other families went out happily stargazing and moon-watching, Lin Wan and her stepsons told each other horror stories, leaving the viewers petrified! Netizens were flaming as they watched, but they soon noticed that the control group was changing... Even though the eldest son insisted that he disliked his stepmother, he sneaked off to buy her a scarf! The second son declared his favorite person was his father but voted for his stepmother instead! The third son was also caught putting his stepmother's favorite candy below her pillow! The netizens were shocked, but it's true: the tsundere stepsons were extraordinarily close with their stepmother!

After his mother dies from a serious illness, Mo Jingchun is left to shoulder the burden of raising his six-month-old sister on his own. Fortunately, he’s an exceptional student and he awakens the Science System. "Congratulations, dear host, for winning the AI Assistant's first-generation Jarvis source code."

Chu Feng crossed the Jiuzhou Continent and inherited the Ancestor God Blood Pearl, cultivating until he became a Peak Martial Emperor. By chance, he saved an exquisitely beautiful woman with whom he fell in love and married. Unexpectedly, the woman turned out to be the Empress of the Jiuzhou Empire, and after giving birth to twins, a dragon and phoenix, she left without saying goodbye. Through numerous rigorous cleansing and marrow-washing sessions conducted by Chu Feng, these young children astonishingly developed supreme Divine Runes within them, capable of suppressing all forms of energy across Jiuzhou. Three years later, while dull and adorable, the invincible but unaware siblings, took advantage of Chu Feng's secluded meditation during Crossing the Divine Tribulation, sneakily slipped out of the village, and embarked on a journey to find their mother.

« MATURE CONTENT » One learns the hard way how wrong this line actually is: 'Brains over brawn.' It all started when Viktor Redwood slaughtered ten thousand soldiers, outwitted the legendary Emperor Leo and his five mythical-class heroines, and put a bullet through his head in front of those heroines—all achieved using sheer intelligence. But even with all that, he lost everything, got too lazy to even care about anything, and was cornered by absolute strength—all while his corrupted incubus race slowly awakened within him, warping his body with demonic features he could barely hide—leading him to decide to at least kill those heroines alongside himself in a boom. Only for him to regress back into his fat, powerless, and cursed body, starting again. This time, with the knowledge that his dormant bloodline will manifest again, transforming him piece by piece. The bad thing about all this? Now he's been thrown back to his worst day—the trial where his fiancée Elena—the one who put a blade to his heart just a moment ago—framed him. But even that didn't stop him from becoming the villain who made heroes bleed and heroines breed. Unlike last time, when he had thwarted her plans, this time he chose to exile himself to prepare an army of his children and wives. Viktor's got the 100x Ability Rebate System: enter powerful women, steal their abilities, multiply them by 100, and return them in bundles when they become mothers with a ratio of 100% to wives and 50% to children. And with a corrupted bloodline that changes his human self to Incubus as he use system—he will get to have a new identity as Householder Incubus. However, this time, the issue is a small twist—where, even with such an overpowered skill, he has been thrown into a wasteland with his loyal mid-thirties nanny, Helena. Will a weak baron with a cursed bloodline slowly transforming his body be able to create his own army and become the Emperor? « What to Expect: => Lots of Lemons (Babies aren't going to pop from the sky, right?) => Fatherhood Journey (A young man to a father of an army of babies, funny x100) => Transformation from Lust to Responsibilities (Responsible Lust, TADA!) => Kingdom Building + Cute, smart children running the kingdom while parents are on vacation. (Vacation to add more babies to the collection to run the kingdom) => Children Handling Kingdoms (Rest assured, babies will be smart and proficient in all subjects you all failed.) => Teaching Lessons to Heroines Who Dared to Touch the MC (Not forgiveness but punishment by giving heroines' brothers and sisters.)