My Coat is Dry-Clean Only, So Please Stop Bleeding on It
Most people who die and get reincarnated into the world of Bleach want to be a prodigy Shinigami, an Espada, or a broken Quincy.
Me? I woke up as a sword.
Specifically, I woke up as Tensa Zangetsu—the physical, teenage manifestation of Ichigo Kurosaki’s Bankai. I came fully equipped with a jagged black trench coat, a permanently depressed expression, glowing blue eyes, and enough latent spiritual pressure to give the Captain-Commander a stroke.
Living inside Ichigo’s inner world is a nightmare. It rains constantly because the kid has zero emotional regulation, he swings his blade with all the grace of a toddler holding a crowbar, and I have to share rent with a psychotic albino who laughs too loud. So, when Ichigo is on the verge of being bifurcated by Zaraki Kenpachi in the middle of the Seireitei, I decide to break every fundamental rule of Zanpakuto lore and physically step out to block the strike myself.
Not because of the power of friendship. But because the screaming was giving me a migraine, and I realized stepping out of the sword to effortlessly one-shot a Captain was the ultimate way to farm god-tier aura.
Now, I'm out in the real world, and I absolutely refuse to go back inside.
I refuse to explain who I am because staying silent is way edgier. Ichigo is being gaslit into thinking my appearance is his fault. Yoruichi is terrified of my bottomless Reiatsu. Byakuya’s philosophical monologues are being violently interrupted by my nonsensical, cryptic one-liners. And Sosuke Aizen is about to find out that his century-in-the-making keikaku means absolutely nothing against a bored, hyper-depressed teenager who uses 0.00000000000000001% of his power just to keep the dust off his boots.
The sky is black, the rain is annoying, and everyone in this afterlife is an idiot. I am Tensa Zangetsu, and I have an aesthetic to maintain.