Well, it might be a good idea to focus on the pacing of the story. If it's too slow or too fast in parts, it can lead to a clunky rendering. Another aspect to consider is the character development. If the characters seem flat or inconsistent, that can also make the story feel off. So, work on making the characters more relatable and dynamic.
One could start by revising the writing style. Maybe simplify complex sentences and use more straightforward language. Also, check for any grammar or punctuation issues that might be causing the clunkiness.
To improve the clunky rendering of a potentially good story, first, look at the overall structure. Is it a linear narrative or something more complex? If it's overly complicated, simplify it. Then, pay attention to the details. Sometimes, too many or too few details can make the story seem disjointed. Also, think about the tone of the story. Is it consistent throughout? If not, make adjustments to ensure a smooth flow from start to finish.