Review Detail of Daoist30ArYr in The Angelic System That Turned My Life Into Hell

I've read until the first time Ophelia and Mika meet, at the end of the exam. The system is interesting and some sort of non-isekai getting game'd but for Mika. I think there's gonna be some subversion which make this interesting, yet I'm not into much this worldsetting. Still, it has some hook. Gotta say, I'm not into this kind of power-trip "fantasy has to be like an rpg" + HxH tropes, and the writing has problems. First, grammar. Revise it. Second, there's out-of-nothing information dumps or little to no info when things happen, making it kind of dissonant. I'm a mangaka, so I can't give many writing advice beyond *rythm*, and with a story that begins with a mystery, information should be done little by little, and not give spoilers beforehand. Let the reader see that he will win without the narrator telling them when and how before the action happens. Otherly, the descriptions of physical appearances are too much vague. We don't have much info about how it does resemble our world. What is a military uniform in this context? Is it Medieval? Is it Modernist? From were? What kind of robe? What kind of badges? Or the weapons. What's the type of sword the MC has? Is it straight? Is it pointy towards the end? Diamond cross section? Is the cross section maybe hexagonal? Has a fuller? Maybe leaf-shaped? Maybe it's the format of Webnovel that doesn't let authors to put in-between illustrations to give visual information, and it's something that it's seen on the purchased version, which unfortunately, I'm currently unable to have. Still, remind you that even with all the criticism, it has hook and expected subversions of the tropes, so I'm hopeful this arrives to good ports. Good luck and good writing, friend!