The story is pretty entertaining. It also has a lot of potentials to succeed. But, the problem came right after that. The way you transition between the scenes by giving headings is a very bad way to write. You should let the transitions flow naturally, rather than forcing them. You should also work a little on your structuring.
MissAlexis
Liked it!
贊沒有回復。 來,成為第一個評論的人!