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alisha_sel
alisha_selLv12yr
2021-12-31 21:48

Wow, I can tell you have had writers block. But look at you! Writing and improvising. Honestly, amazing. Shows how much resistant you are. I am so proud of you. Please keep writing! Amazing work!!!

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Epyonnn
EpyonnnLv2

I'm not going to sugar-coat my review, so I hope you don't get too offended. Just know that I'm giving these criticisms because I want to help you improve. To start off, your story was a great opening. It captured my attention and made me want to read more. Unfortunately, (and this seems to be a common problem) there are numerous grammar mistakes. Always remember to proofread your work. I'm not an editor, so I won't point out specifics. Instead, I want to give advice on the actual story. The main character is interesting, but his tone of voice and choice of words are inconsistent. The syntax that you used makes him sound like some sort of a sassy girl, and I'm having a hard time taking him seriously. Additionally, the descriptions tend to shift between using contractions and not using contractions. I suggest that you stick with using contractions if you want to keep a casual tone because writing the words longhand can break the flow of the prose. The final thing I want to mention is the worldbuilding (and this ties into the plot and characters as well). For the most part, the world just feels like a basic post-apocalypse with nothing special. I have only read up to the fifth chapter in detail (I've skimmed forward a little bit), but I didn't find anything that distinguished your world from others. For readers, the biggest appeal for a post-apocalyptic novel is the setting, but if it isn't interesting, then I find it hard to keep reading. If you want, you can start by developing interesting characters and later giving more detail on the world itself. But, the issue is that most of the characters aren't interesting at all. I think that the issue stems from the fact that much of the words are taken up by the main character's babbling and exposition. The story would have been much more engaging if you had taken the time to show how different characters interacted and revealed their motivations. That's all I have to say, and I hope I didn't discourage you at all. I think your work has much potential, so I wanted to help you get better at writing. Keep up the good work!

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