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Vallori
ValloriLv103yr
2021-04-01 02:55

It has the potential to be funny with it crossing so many dimensional barriers to get the MC's crew. But the problem is it needs A LOT of editing. The structure of the paragraphs is all over the place. And from one author to another; Do not put multiple dialogue lines in the same paragraph (it is so weird to read). You also need to take another look (maybe three) at the grammar. There are many obvious mistakes even a non-English speaker can point out. Otherwise, I advise downloading the free version of Grammarly, it will fix most sentences here. Also, try and minimize mixing arithmetic words with ordinal numbers. If it is system-related you can use; 1, 2, 3, 4, like that. But if it is anything else, for Example, age then it should only be this: twenty years old... Not this: 20 years old. There are many things I can point out. But here is a summary: - Shorten paragraphs. - Limit the use of arithmetic words, instead go with ordinal numbers. - Check grammar more than ones (use Grammarly) - Do not put two different dialogue-lines of two different people in the same paragraph. I hope this helps. Have a Wonderful Day.

One Piece: Calamity System

JackbladesFF7
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7 Chs

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