Steve

I don’t often review, but I feel like I need to drop one here before the story progresses too much, as it has potential. Story is good, characters are good, although they could be a little more flushed out, while the world at the moment is a little generic. Main issue I have is the writing quality. This is one of those odd balls where it seems the quality actually went down as the story progressed. Once we started getting to the paid chapters, grammatical errors, sentence structure and typos became more prevalent. Author, would suggest looking into getting an editor, as much of this could be fixed.

The story is pretty generic with nothing really popping out to set it apart from other similar novels on the site. Additionally, the chapter sizes are quite small, and quality is pretty sub par (par for the course on this site). Sentence structure is all over the place with an entire paragraph being one gigantic run-on sentence. So much could be fixed by a skilled editor.

Probably should look towards breaking these long run on sentences up. Commas are good and all, but there are several cases where you should look towards restructuring.

See this! I just gifted the story: Lollipop

Thanks for the chapter, but even with the R18 comment, you probably need to go back and edit it as there are many grammatical errors,