Mr_O_

thanks! ;)

In this part, you can put the thought in italics—it’s typically done that way to clearly distinguish it from dialogue. As for quotation marks, you can leave them in or take them out; either way works. But I’d recommend making the change to italics for clarity.

The story’s got an interesting premise. I made it through the first 10 parts, and I was left curious about what kind of impact changing the past will have on the present in the main story (just to satisfy my own curiosity, really). So, you've definitely got a good hook there! As for character development, up to the part I read, I felt Amira was more fleshed out than the rest, probably because of her lead role in the story. I know you have a chapter introducing each character, but honestly, I skipped over it. I prefer learning about the characters and world as I go. One thing to mention, from my perspective, is that the writing can sometimes get pretty descriptive, like the expressions, tone, and surroundings. It’s not that it’s bad; it just sometimes slows things down a bit. Keeping it briefer here and there could make the flow feel a bit lighter. Overall, though, I think you’re on the right track. Hope my feedback helps!

I liked hearing where your motivation to write came from. I’m just curious why you gave yourself 3 stars.

Thanks! I’ll start reading your novel this week ;)

Oh, and I actually love hares... :(

This paragraph and the following two are the same ones used at the end of the previous chapter. I’m not sure if that was intentional or maybe a mistake? Just leaving this here in case it’s helpful👍

I’d love to know how you’ll develop the idea of what happens to the current present when the character travels to the past. I’ll keep reading to see if I can find the answer myself.

The story grabs attention quickly; it’s super well-organized and easy to read, without getting caught up in unnecessary details. The descriptions are clear, which keeps the flow going smoothly—perfect if you like a narrative that gets straight to the point. As a tip, I’d suggest adding a bit more emotion to the characters so readers can connect better with what they’re feeling and thinking; it’d make things feel more personal. One more thing: try breaking up some of the longer paragraphs to keep the reading light and easy. With those tweaks, the story and characters will definitely hit closer to home. Hope it helps!

The protagonist stands out for his power and skill, along with a confidence and arrogance that he’s not afraid to show. His strong, assertive personality makes him a complex character, one who doesn’t hesitate to assert himself and pursue his own pleasure, giving him a dark, almost anti-heroic edge at times. While the combat scenes are good, they could benefit from more detail and intensity to make them even more immersive. It’s still early to give a complete review, but the beginning of this story shows potential, and it’s definitely intriguing to see where it will go and how it will evolve.