J_D_Johnathan
Hello guys(and ladies). I am Author-kun, or Immortal-kun as I liked to call myself. I am just another random dude trying to make up the best stories he could come up with. IMMORTAL-KUN OUT
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J_D_Johnathan5 months ago發表This chapter... seems rushed. The sentences that should be separated were yet again, actions and thoughts should be separated into different sentences. Not to mention, the pov doesn't really include all the things it should have, the emotion and awareness is missing, while including things that should be used in a 3rd person pov like the intensity of the pain, etc. Honestly, All in all, 4.9/10 for this one, sorry. That's all for now.
該書已被刪除。- J_D_Johnathan5 months ago發表
with pleasure
該書已被刪除。 - J_D_Johnathan5 months ago發表該書已被刪除。
- J_D_Johnathan5 months ago發表
what's there to see?
該書已被刪除。 - J_D_Johnathan5 months ago發表
why are you still this calm? THE DAMN BUILDING IS ABOUT TO COLLAPSE AND MANY WILL DIE
該書已被刪除。 - J_D_Johnathan5 months ago發表
classic
該書已被刪除。 - J_D_Johnathan5 months ago發表
bruh
該書已被刪除。 - J_D_Johnathan5 months ago發表
Hmm, should separate thoughts from actions ngl
該書已被刪除。 - J_D_Johnathan5 months ago發表
plot
該書已被刪除。 - J_D_Johnathan5 months ago發表
shit, almost wrote a paragraph here
該書已被刪除。
