TonyaRMoore

I know that Becky Chambers book and wow - that's a huge compliment! Thanks so much for the helpful feedback. There are definitely a lot of improvements needed. Some things are stylistic choices, though. Like the repeated use of broken sentences. It's risky craft-wise but definitely a deliberate choice. Thanks again! 💕

Oh, she totally did. lol

Thanks for the feedback! 💕

I like what I've read so far. There are few areas where the syntax seems a bit off/unnatural but that, I think is a minor issue. For the time being, our girl seem to be the perfect victim but I hope that over time, this character will be developed to the point where she has some agency and can gather the gumption to to what it takes to save herself!

Thanks so much for the feedback! 💕 (By the way, I'm very intrigued by the concept of the Rakshas Apocalypse. I'll be checking out that story too!)

I was very detailed (wordy) mostly because it is only the first chapter. This story has a TON of potential. Don't waste it! 🥰

This is promising. I think you have the beginnings of what could be a really twisted and captivating story. 😎The first chapter is all there is right now but these are my immediate impressions: the first scene--while, yeah, it IS gory and graphic, kinda lacks the visceral tension and feeling you'd expect to get from such a violent scene. We see what the killer is doing but it's all very matter of fact, like a reporter giving a news report. What's the killer thinking? What's the victim thinking and feeling? I don't mean just physically, but emotionally. What's going throught their heads in that moment? This about how you'd use this scene to to shock and horrify the reader. That, I think is the aim of psychological horror. (Have you ever watched Wire in the Blood? That might provide a useful frame of reference)The scenes that come after could easily be fleshed out into chapters two and three. That first scene could use some more meat. Immerse yourself in it. Let yourself like really **feel** the the horror, terror, and aversion or else -- I feel like you'd be robbing yourself of half the fun of even writing it in the first place (which is something I'm also telling myself because I tend to rush/breeze through stories/scenes too 😒)

Yay - thanks. Your feedback is very much appreciated. When you say character designs, am I right in thinking it's more along the lines of the character arcs/charcters (personality) development? I feel like I have somewhat of a handle on physical description (I do get lazy sometimes) but I get the sense that my weak area is more fundamental than that. You know, like characters seeming a bit flat as opposed to 3-diminesional, etc... I appreciate you pointing that out. It gives me something tangible to work on. 😎👌

ooh - thanks so much for that feedback! This helps a lot. Other than chapter 11, being the exception - I can definitely see what you mean too... 🤔

A very intense, fast paced, and interesting story. Aside from some syntax issues and some unecessary exposition (info dump--and heck, I'm guilty of that a lot too) this is a pretty good story and I'll definitely keep it in my library so I can read more.