Phantom_of_Romance

Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoy it and I'm working on completing more and more chapters for you to enjoy!

I'm glad to hear that

yeah it was confusing for a few seconds until I finished reading chapter 1

I'm confused here, is Defiance a Devourer or is she not? The words 'her kin' confuses me

Remember to use an Active Voice here, "has surrendered" is passive. Change it to just "surrendered" as its basically what you were saying anyways. I'd suggest switching this paragraph to after the next paragraph or after the dialogue Defiance mumbles to herself to see if it has better impact and breathing room from the amount of world-building you placed.

Try placing the action before what he says it adds to the story

There could be a better way to put a little less telling and a little more showing when it comes to characters emotions, but the story is fantastic so far! Every character is well-built so far and the World Building is placed in well. Story development is pretty smooth, but my 5 stars until after the book is finished. Its a great read, for those who love a dramatic romance novel with a twinge of Adventure sprinkled out the story-line.

Instead of commanded, maybe try ordered

Maybe change the Chapter title to something that will make more sense? Like, 'An Unexpected Rescue' or 'Mishandled and Defiled' if you want to go the same route. Just my opinion, but you place whichever you want.

For the pole falling on Clara's back, do the sound effects like you have been doing. It's probably a strength of yours. Or simply describe the pole falling and slamming behind Clara. Whenever you write, 'Suddenly' or 'Out of nowhere' it ruins the surprise you want to show as a general tip. :3