_VIIX_

You publishing this is not a problem. Far from it, as you do actually write well. The problem is with the lack of SI elements. My expectation from a SI would be that he won't sit still, in a desperate attempt to do something, everything would spiral and the plot would've been blown to kingdom come. Some good results and a lot more bad results with potential issues for the future. As you yourself said that he's someone who already had free will in a life before. These shackles would've made him way more restless and I was hoping for his confrontations to be more vehement but more rooted in logic and facts, rather than rage and jealousy...

And I honestly don't feel that it is being explored. Like I have said before, if the plot is very much almost the same with the original, then what are we even exploring at this point? More family feuds, siblings rivalry and all that jazz?

Forgive me if it comes out as a rant, but what's the point of a SI story if the overall plot remains the same. I mean the only change I see is the family drama so far.

Nah, This ain't it. This has potential but Author, this style of narrating the movie in a written format... messes up the writing flow. The flow breaks in the last 2 chapters, were too noticeable.

Again with the dialogue inconsistencies. The MC simply does feel like he's part of the play. Idk if the author was going for it but man, this is hard to get past.

I didn't want to be rude but the dialogue flow is so bad that half of the things just don't make sense to me. Maybe because the characters are aged 5 y/o atm, so that's how they talk but still, I found the dialogues and interactions forced and inconsistent at times. The MC's love for the bugs seems forced, with the way of his talking. I mean if he's an adult already then, this kind of overhyped "acting", I believe is pointless.

Honestly speaking, overall this is a bad piece of work. I would Any future reader would do well to start off at chapter 16 rather than chapter 1. But the thing is that the initial chapters were way way better than the recent ones. Imho, the recent ones have very little thought put into them and pretty much 99% movie in a writing format.

Taste? What's even there to discuss about taste? Some things are downright bad and wrong. And this is a picture perfect example of that. Pretty much the last 15 Chapters are a waste of time for the readers. And I personally don't believe they contribute to the story in any kind of way, whatsoever.

When will the MC grow up a bit. Coz at the moment his thinking is a bit too naive for a war filled era.