Jolan_Hildebrandt

Your descriptions are a bit rough and tell more than they show. It might be better to play with it. Include sensations of the bride

You can easily combine this with the above paragraph because your still talking about that night

This doesn't make sense. You can't catch a cold from the cold. You can catch hyperthermia or pneumonia, just saying I live in a place where it gets -50 sometimes

You have a great story idea, and I'm sure you've improved since the first chapter. You didn't choke the first chapter with exposition, thank you for that. Too many authors get excited and fill the page with things that could easily be woven into the story. You stayed on point and kept the story moving at a decent pace. However, what got me were the weak verbs and the constant telling. Take some time to bone up on show vs tell and your piece will shine

Try to avoid words like looked and walked, they serve their purpose and everything, but words like scanned, raked, stared have more action to them

nice way to bring the setting in

I'd find a way to combine this paragraph with the above, your still talking about the same person

do you really need this?

I know this story is fast food of the literary world, but you spend more time telling than showing. I actually like the story idea, but you often repeat ideas in the same paragraphs. Some minor edits could help this story shine brighter than it already does

This book shows promise but why do you hesitate to name characters? I had no idea who was talking to who in the first chapter. Also you might want to check over your paragraphs and slim them down.