SlimyFish

You should defo move site, or at least crosspost, WN is... how do you say... awful? Both on terms of how much exposure can get but also formatting and self promotion, i would reccomend Archive of our own, which os not only more competent than both fan. Fic dot net but also the Readers and commenters are significantly less brain deficient than wn ones and actually provide helpful advice... Not just 'bOrInG', 'DrOpPeD' or 'mC is bEtA'

Aight lads imma try and gurss what Jordinios next fic is gonna be on (if he sees this and chooses not to do that fic just to spite then i'll make the death of William Wallace look like a tea party) Prerequistes: 1. The worlds gotta have bad bit**** in it, yugioh gx is an exception as Alexis is the baddiest of them all, this means HxH and FMA alchemist are unlikely great for writing but unless genderbending very few girls (like 2 in the troupe and that one blonde in fma) it is possible that jord will choose not to do a harem fic... But based on precedent... nah. 2) be character driven as opposed to story driven this is just a general rule for fic writers but story based anime and games are much harder to write for as so much more work needs to be done. So probably not Kill la Kill, Solo levellong or Kumo desu (sorry spider shippers S M H) 3) easy for Jord to not stfu about Scottish gigachads (there arent any worlds here cuz jord will do it anyway) Aight so what possibilities we got: Harry Potter, easy scottish banter and england bashing (represent Mcgongall) but the characters are 11 to start with so that may require some retconning. Arifrueta, easy to hate original protag but boring as hell to read and therefore write about Shield hero, ^ Kaguya, tbh unless sone netori action (and shirogane aint deserve that) kinda sparse in terms of girls but hella popular so ez money Mha, i think its pretty likely, lots of baddies easy af to slide an oc with a 'Scottish dragon quirk' (Jordinio thats the 4th time this weak an oc has had a dragon in him) and only one likeable competition Rwby, Bleach and one piece are also likely, but ive seen none of them so no comment. Aight im bored time for my prediction drumroll please.......... Tensei Slime! Yes thats right, lots of baddies and rimuru can just be made asexual or female, easy shoe ins for Jords dragon fetish and pretty much no limits on broken powers and most importantly Jordinio can fully realise his wet dreams of a scottish state conquering the world. Thank you for attending my ted talk

This fic is poorly structured and poorly executed. 44 chapters, so far, 44,and yet we seem no closer to the transport than 40 chapters ago. Dozens of chapters of USELESS information chapter upon chapter of exposition that will not matter, there is so much irrelevant information it boggles my mind, every other OL ff has MAX 5 chapters of pre transport, establish NPC, world ranking, class, race and other small tidbits. Let's give an example, the 'scary door' its introduced we see the other guildmates reactions aaaaaand thats it. I can see no, no conceivable time (outside of wasting more time outside of the isekai) this would ever be needed, there are NPCs built for psychological torture and Ainzs breaks minds just by being there. And if, even if such a tool were ever needed why not introduce when, or slightly before, being needed. Yes, plot convenience is bad and a folly of writing but only if relied upon. Plot contrivence on the other hand serves no purpose unless you plan yo build a Tolkien-esque world and considering this is a pre-built world that excuse falls through. You can apply this logic to the constabt talk of PKing, the '''''banter'''''' of the guildmates and the constant mentioning of farming and etc. I hate to criticise free, amateur media but this OL fic has been updating for months now and is behind another released just a few weeks ago and yet the latter managed tp get all necessary information across in one chapter and drip feefs it through the others. I am aware that the wruter has full creative sovreignty and i am aware that WN is weird when it comes to word counts and recconendations nor do i want to come across as a smarmy know it all but 44 CHAPTERS???!!?!

Finally, a flawed harry potter mc. I am very much looking forwatd to seeing Polaris' development, will he learn the pure blood supremacy is a farce? Certainly it has been hinted that he sees flaws with the ideology. Or will he be an unhappy deatheater? Perhaps a 3rd path where he leads the house of black as neither light Nor dark. Obviously HP fics are slow AF and it is really difficult to read (in the best possible way) Polaris effectively being a little sociopath because of how he was raised, he works purely in cold political self interest, with a sprinkling of sadism. I am disappointed he didn't go into ravenclaw I think it could've of made for a great conflict point for Pol and Walburga as well as create a special relationship with Sirius in that they're both rebels, just on different scales and types. Overall a great fic if you want to read a non reincarnated and canon typical OC for the marauders era, currently the novel needs Polaris to be differentiated from Regulus as the characters seem conceptually identical. They're 11and I'm already team polxamelia

This fic is brimming with potential, most Overlord fics (and heck the original itself) suffer from a major problem of balancing. Most of the time there is simply no way to write a compelling story if the protagonist can nuke any threat, this is especially exacerbated in fanfics where writers OCs either replace momonga and 9/10 are infinetly stronger than he is or come alongside him and are unbeatable together. The '''''solution''''' for this problem is either filling the novel with smut, which is fine if that's all they're going for, fill it with mindless filler or make it More administrative which can be extremely dull. This fic will not have the aforementioned problems as eve has been set up (at least as far as I can tell) in OPPOSITION to Momonga; this will mean not only can this fic have wars and fights with actual stakes bit also can allow for some great politicking (is the emperor trying to play off Eve and Momonga against eacother), The writing is great, concise (thank lord its concise Mr origin 38 chapters and still not on Yggdrasil) the aesthetic of androids is chefs kiss as always. So I'm very excited to see this fic develop.

My only concern with this fic is that it seems to do too much, too quickly. Ethan's only a second year and he's already got a massive fortune, learning the unforgivables and seems to highly advanced in so many magics. I see this an awful lot in HP fics where the author ends up with nothing to do in the 'slower years' I.e 2 3 5 and 6 because they didn't pace their OCs development. Obviously this is a few years (IRL time) away and their could already be plans for those years, but I see this fic running out of steam. (Seriously he's 12, he really shouldn't be capable of opening a bank account, learning inforgivables or be on the level of 5th or 6th years if not higher).

He grew up in an, at least, emotionally abusive environment, people in those cases tend not to be the empathetic of people (for no fault of their own, I hasten to add), but the fact he was able to quickly form friendships with Ron, Hermione and other Gryffindors meant that he became relatively stable. But we do see at times, his, not quite sociopathic, but at least affected view of the world, for example in the second book he didn't seem too concerned about the petrification's until it got Hermione, he primarily cared to get everyone else off his back. He had no qualms with killing Sirius or later Pettigrew, and only held back on the latter because he wanted his Godfather in his life. In Slytherin where friendships are dissuaded in place of pragmatic alliances and backstabs, this certain, disconnect, as it were with morality would have allowed him to... not necessarily thrive but become great, perhaps not in a good way.

Ah, we have reached the OPMC singularity, criticising their own author

First of all great chapter, you're really good at turning what would normally be a visual experience (i.e card games) and turn them into a text/story format and still maintain if not create more tension and excitement. I have a question, how do you 'make' these duels, do you have a friend whom you simulate the duel with, do you duel against yourself or do you play out the duel on paper?

BLASPHEMY, I could barely accept them looking at each other before marriage, but holding hands???? Author I am disappointed in the level of debauchery present in this novel, S M H