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honestly i thought your bringing of lucifer into the story was a great addition. with it you could do a lot of things.
i would say have him put the money towards community outreach since hes becoming well known as sugar he could set up a place to teach kids music with other officers like chen who can sing
could always have chris join jack and zoe in a thrupple type deal like she did in the series just this time make it work out
yea.. this is stolen
if you plan to keep the real IRA as his background you can work them together. like his mom actually marrying this guy to support her son in the future before she died or something and the IRA helped establish the company for laundering money he can even help the club in this way
based on the 7 chapters ive read its a decent start but id suggest getting someone to proof read your book before rewriting it. you've got a handful of mistakes in each chapter. but the overall feel is pretty good
dont do gender bend make bryan the bad guy for once like have him working for the AB or w.e
fuck yes i was right on the head about swat haha thanks man i enjoyed the latest update
ive come across a handful of rookie self insert stories or the like and none of them left me wanting more. so as i read the first couple chapters i wasnt to interested then by the 3rd chapter i never put my phone down. im glad with the stories progression and i see your begining to add other characters from other shows. i look forward to seeing more perhaps you can incorporate the show swat since jack has shown to want to go the metro route.
hey man ive read all your works and was curious if you plan to do any more writing? stories like DC John Wick Riddick or star wars? maybe even some tv shows?