Jedidiah_Burney

this is unreadable. Barely put together and throws the main into sex randomly. Not to mention the only explanation in the whole book about his orgins is in the description. I strongly suggest this piece to be taken down as it can't even be considered complete.

Could you at least actually describe the sound? Like this, ShReech! And I suggest that you use more words to describe the sound that it makes. Something like, THUD, BANG, POP, WOOSH, try to imagin the sound in your head and then writing what you would describe as the sound. Like the rooster cock-a-doodle doo. You can write sounds down on paper, try it

Thought it didn't show.

Don't know why I am replying, but he did make many more mistakes than you mentioned. I am enjoying the book so I don't want to point them out.Main reason for reply

Nice.

It is nice. But I personally don't like the vampire with the game system. So not a fan of vampires. This story is only possible because of the vampire lover girl. What I would do if I became a vampire is die. I refuse to drink blood even if it killed me.

The small part that I can read of the next chapter tells me that it is unlikely to be the end of the cliffhanger.

Cliffangers my old enemy.

I read about 38 chapters, and I think that The writer could do better on the names. Haven't experienced the updates. No idea the timeline there in, nor place they reside. So over all I would say that it is a good novel but the writing needs inprovment. The characters introduced were done well but the naming is cofusing.

I like the story line but like most other novels on here it needs a publisher to look over it.