iam_adh

There are some grammatical mistakes here and there and the flow sometimes is bumpy. I do wish this was fixed for I would have enjoyed the story more but right now its okay to read. The plot on the other hand is nice and the characters are likeable. Keep up the good work.

The first chapter was a bit short to me and there's not much that I can go off of but I do have suggestions. When it comes to dialog, its best to have the person speaking have its own paragraph, for example: Auo raised his hand to his temple, rubbing his head to lessen the oncoming headache. "I don't want him on my team," he said with anger laced in his tone. "Too bad," Beck began," he's the only player left so you must have him on your team." Also, some sentences were incomplete and lacked tone and mood. Despite this the plot is interesting and the setting isn't too hard to understand. The characters so far are realistic and the world background has potential to become more.

Some of the sentences were formatted in a weird way and it greatly disrupted the flow of the story. However the use of words in some instances were lovely. The story has potential it just needs a tad bit of editing here and there and it would be like any other gem. Keep up the good work!

The story is a bit cliche and it was a little bit of a bummer. I would love if there was more description and detail. However, the plot seems to be going in a good direction. Keep up the good work author!

It's a nice read. However there are some points that could be worked on. For example there are some grammatical mistakes here and there. The story is a bit fast paced however I can see this story going places. Keep up the good work author.

It's a nice read, I like how simple it is and the realistic factors incorporated into the story. There needs to be some changes here and there when it comes to dialogue and more description would be nice, otherwise, this story is good.

Again with the ( ") and ( ' ), ( ' ) needs to be changed to ( " ).

For internal monologue's I suggest you use ( ' ) instead of ( " ) because ( " ) usually means someone is talking to another.

It's a little rough around the edges. Some of the sentences are difficult to understand and the story seems a bit fast paced. However, I can see the potential the story had it just needs more carving done. Keep up the good work author!

Ayoo?