M0r0ving12

Your specific feelings for Yang are irrelevant because your main character may have a completely different opinion from you. This is fine. History is written not only by the Author, but also by the characters that participate in it, and this distinguishes a story in which there is a soul from consumer goods. If the relationship between the characters is harmonious and did not come from nowhere, then everything is in order. So do not guess, and even more so do not create pairs before they actually add up. And your Yang is not the original Yang. So what's the difference whether you like the original Yang or not... There is no original Yang in your story. The characters have their own opinions and are able to influence the story. This is extremely valuable. Don't try to suppress it. You are the author to the reader, but to the characters you are just the storyteller. I really hope that you do not destroy the individuality of the characters simply because you have some feelings for the primary sources, whatever they were. It would be extremely sad. Do not guess the future... The characters are able to surprise, including the author himself.

What's the point of the first chapter? There was an explanation of how his power works and a whole list of worlds where the technology trees will come from. But what is the point if the last time the main character did something fully, I don’t remember how long ago and no, the body doesn’t count for Elizabeth. There was not a chapter but a continuous torment. That's why it was necessary to describe this test!? Waste of time! In general, what I want to say ... The idea of ​​\u200b\u200bthe story is interesting and about the first twenty chapters are quite good. There are mechanics of worlds that distort reality and interesting interactions of technologies with each other, but as soon as a reasonable person appeared in the frame and the characters opened their mouths to communicate, the story went downhill. The drone that showed his battle with the Grimm and the first village on the way was attacked and then the fellow travelers who imposed themselves. It's very forced. Now the chapters have gone where there is a lot of social aspect. I'm here for technology and magic. In order for the main character to distort logic and common sense andtransformed into something new, but the story turned into a typical heroic fantasy where the chosen one goes to save the world. The author, I am very upset by the fact that the original idea did not even go by the wayside, but was driven into a place where the light does not shine. Am I asking too much for history to stick to its idea? The protagonist is a technician with an ever-changing tech tree, not a life saver. In fact, I read the last chapters on stubbornness and the desire to see what else he will do interesting from the available resources and technologies, but with each new chapter I feel hopelessness more and more because everything has come to almost absurdity where a character can make a nuclear reactor on his knee and pull it out of his pocket planetary destroyer. In this case, all the steps of resource collection and production will be skipped and will show only the result and there will be a social aspect. And after the character left his first base, the story went downhill and began to talk about anything but the creationamazing and constructing the impossible. The story lost its spark by focusing on combat and the social aspect. It's really sad... The text itself is good but I can't help feeling that the social is frankly superfluous secondary and the plot is forced.

Well, opening this story, I was optimistic, but the author took it and turned the story into one huge flashback. Then jumping from first person to third and empty dialogues like a cherry on top of a cake. And those dialogues are badly written. Several speakers are mixed in one line. There is virtually no descriptive part and the chapters are disgustingly small. In short, the author of what you posted is horror.

The thing I hate the most about any type of story is that... It turns the whole story into a flashback and I hate flashbacks to the core. It's really a very disgusting way to greet the reader... What difference does it make what was in his past if we already know where he ended up and who he became?

No. I didn't like it at all. I hate rewriting the same thing with minimal changes or a different point of view. This is a waste of time for both reader and writer!

I see... I mean, this story is already effectively dead, or close to it, and that's why you wanted to slam the door loudly creating this incredibly forced and nauseating plot. What is essentially the difference what happens in this story if you are not going to continue it? Why? Because you have a new story! Why continue the old when there is a new one? So it was with the "Hero" so it will happen here and with your new story.

I was quite happy with the main character and the story as a whole... However, this plot is so coercive that it frankly makes me sick. This is... Beyond the brink of good and evil. The plot is so forced that there are no words, only gagging. Why did you decide that such a move is a good idea? YCH still wait for the next chapter, which must be Explanations! If these explanations are forced, then ... Well, I may not leave, but I will stop looking forward to new chapters and will wait until I get 10-20. Although more likely without a proper explanation of what happened here and why it was a good idea on the entity's part... History will rot in the library. If before this chapter the story had a solid four with a plus, then after this chapter it hardly reaches the deuce. Do you understand how much the author fell because of just one very unfortunate and forced decision in the plot?

Hmm... If Ren becomes supportive of Ikki and shows that his device and power are not garbage, will the protagonist of this world cease to be the protagonist? Eliminating the protagonist without killing or deceiving... That would be very fitting for Angel. Yes, and the author ... Isn't the "Pillar of Justice" supposed to destroy only those who have negative karma and bless those who have positive? Where then is this justice if it destroys everything ... Blind justice is no different from blind evil, which is evil simply because.

In translation, the system says... "Go for a walk and also fight with your peers and do not sit in four walls and eat pills, this is not good for your health."