Marmora

All the critiques and advice I had were noted on my phone, and my phone’s screen went black. Well, I’ll try to keep the original idea of the critiques. The main piece of advice I would give to any author, especially in romance — since most of them fail at this point — is regarding the female protagonist. The female protagonist doesn’t need to be the most beautiful woman in the world for readers to like her; she needs to be as charismatic as possible. In real life, older and more experienced men tend to look for women with a good personality rather than just good looks. A relationship isn’t only about what happens in bed. She has to be a partner, a friend, someone you can talk to and have fun with. In most of the stories I’ve read, the female protagonist is just a pretty 'inflatable doll'; they hardly have any personality of their own. Another point: your story is mostly about social interactions, right? Your characters are very '2D', you know? Like, they’re really bland, they hardly have any personalities, traits, or defining characteristics. The best characters in a story are the ones with strong personalities, so don’t be afraid to take risks with them. I’ll give you an example: Daemon Targaryen, up until he went to Harrenhal, was the most beloved character in House of the Dragon. Daemon has a strong personality, and he’s not exactly a nice guy — he’s actually quite a jerk. Now, a nice guy with a strong personality would be Satoru Gojo. He’s a goofball, but he’s still the most loved character in Jujutsu Kaisen. One great thing about having characters with strong personalities is when they interact. Look at Daemon and Viserys, or Billy Butcher and Homelander. Who doesn’t want to see Butcher versus Homelander? All of this is because of the interactions created throughout the series, and their personalities really add to it. And one last thing: never try to create a perfect character. Don’t try to explain in detail why a character has this or that type of personality either. Let the readers understand and see the characters' personalities through social interactions, such as dialogue and conversations.

I don't mind if you give me some spoilers if you want. Sorry man, but it really turned me off. I literally read until chapter 26 by forcing myself. I feel like the story doesn't get anywhere, and that the whole world and its characters are very D2. This story really isn't my cup of tea, good luck and much success to you author-san.

I don't even know what to think about this...

She should have arrived only after the guy had finished "playing" with the MC. That way he would stop being a brainless animal. A beta Japanese protagonist is one of the worst things there is. And don't come defending this shit, the guys were armed, so this counts as self-defense at the very least.

It's still too early to give a concrete critique of the story and its development. But this seems to be the author's first writing. I don't know why the author is describing so much and repeating things, which makes the reading very monotonous and dull. If he reduced some descriptions and didn't repeat as much, or described in a way that wasn't so similar by adding some context along, the text would be more linear, easy, and pleasant to read. Of course, this is just constructive criticism. If you've already finished reading "Yandere Therapy" and want to read something similar, this is a good option. After all, they are very similar.

That story is great, really good. There are some mistakes, but nothing major. I just don't like the protagonist, but everything else is pretty cool.

Do you have a raw link?

What a disappointment. I don't know why people like Specialization so much, I think it's just because it's the most "different". Since it is not the strongest or most versatile category. And this is the most difficult category to work in. Not to mention that Specialization Hatsus come with HEAVY restrictions. Also, most specialization abilities are mediocre or are hyper-specialized. If a Specialization faced an Enhancement with both at the same level, in ten fights, the Enhancement would win between 6 and 7 of the fights. The same goes for Transmutation and Emission, they would win most fights against a Specialization.

For the standards of Fanfic on this site, this story is very good. To be honest, I stopped reading in chapter 4 because I didn't like the main character, so I'll give my review of what I've read so far. There are some things that are uncomfortable for me, like the main character being a classic hero who saves the princess at the right moment, thus making her fall in love. Or some chapters are gigantic, like chapter two could easily be divided into three. I could be wrong, but I'm almost certain that the author is from the USA, given that the main character's personality is the same as that of all Fanfics by USA authors. One thing I don't really like is that it seems like I'm always reading the same main character with a different skin. Not to mention that I don't find the personality of this type of main character very interesting. But aside from these things that bothered me, I had a very pleasant surprise, something I didn't expect. Something that I thought would happen one way, happened another way. That was something I missed, nowadays most things are predictable. Regarding Nen, the author is blessed with an understanding of how Nen's categories work. But there are still some errors, but just by understanding how the 6 categories of Nen work, I will ignore any other errors. And since it's a Fanfic where Nen is placed in another world, the author can make a mistake or change some of Nen's rules and say "I do what I want, I'm the author and the work is mine," and there's no way to argue with that, so it stays as it is.