tgfofp

The story is generic, and the characters are made from cardboard. The MC also seems slow. The "Golden finger" - the System, is almost superfluous, and its exact use is blurred. The grammar is okayish, even with the few errors here and there, but all characters' names are Western. It's strange and breaks immersion to have these kinds of names in an Eastern novel. It might be worth reading for some people, but there are heaps of better stories in the same genre.

Ever since the chapter when he got the red eyes, this fanfic became slow and stale like swamp water. You keep this theme going on how your MC is some great manipulator, even calling him a Devil, when in reality he barely does anything meaningful. Even worst is that your grammar has not improved any since the first chapter. Your sentences are still a whole paragraph. There is a lot of edge to your story, but no point. It just drags on and on for no reason. I thought it will get better as time passes and maybe there will be something original after he goes to the Dark Continent. But I think that might not happen.

The shining... is a bit too much.

You are really stretching all of this like it's made of rubber.

The pace is so slow it's like watching a fighting anime, but every day you only get to see 5 minutes of each episode. So you only have people looking menacingly in each other eyes for a single episode.

I don't think it's a nerf, more like a waste of time and a good idea having a bad execution. From what his teacher explained, this increase of magic power he has is artificial and based only on his rampaging emotions, thus he has to drink this magic dampening potion daily. He also needs to work on the control of his magic while under the effect of the potion. As for this 'soul magic' you are implying, there is still a Horcrux inside the R&R. The ring with the Resurrection Stone, can also be a gateway to this kind of magic later on in the story. Worst of all the MC didn't learn anything by himself and had to be helped by his Grandfather and his teacher. So he is not growing but is stomping in place or even backsliding. That is just my opinion of course, if you find it entertaining that is fine as well.

So this whole color ark was a complete letdown then? He didn't gain anything from the vault, and he will have to work on what he has lost in the summer. He didn't even learn all of this by himself but it had to be explained by his (plot device) teacher.

Finally some action. Better not get too cocky though, since falling in the sea full of fish-men might mean death.

I can already say the next chapter will be about his teacher talking about how this Seven Deadly Sins curse is incredibly strong and something he has never seen before. Most likely it will be something that has to be resolved by himself. For pride, he will have to show humility and respect for others. For envy to show compassion, kindness, and gratitude. For wrath: gentleness, self-control, patience, and peace. For sloth: diligence and perseverance. For greed: kindness, generosity, and charity. For gluttony: self-control, contentment, and discernment. And finally for lust: love, unselfishness, self-control, and chastity. I am of course basing these on a large variety of anime about the Sins. We shall see if I'm right or not tomorrow.

The apparent "s3xuall tension" that you are trying to form between Ivy and Quinn makes their interactions feel awkward. I hope you are not trying to make a Ron/Hermione: they bicker with each other so much, that they actually fall in love. That's not a good idea for a long-term relationship.