Her Sad Song
MJ's POV
The next morning, I woke up feeling heavy hearted. I don't know but after what happened yesterday between me and my parents, I really felt guilty.
I know it's been 14 years, 14 long years since that incident happened, and still there's the pain inside of me. The pain that slowly kills me. The pain that became the reason why I don't want to entertain new people in my life.
For the past 14 years, I endured the pain. 14 years I have to lived with the pain. For the past 14 years, I have to lived in this prison and let myself to be imprisoned; It feels like I was being diagnosed with terminal staged disease and there's no cure on it.
After last night, I realized that I've become the person that I never thought I'll be. And there's still time to make things right, or most probably, change for the better.
I'm on my way to the music room because we'll have a meeting in the upcoming music feast here in the university.
"Anong gagawin natin, Louie?" His co-bandmate asked him.
"Gaya ba rin ba ng ginawa natin last year? Pero pre, nakakasawa na!" Another co-bandmate of his, asked him.
"No. May gagawin tayong changes. Since may female vocalist na tayo, ipra-prioritize natin siya para makilala siya ng mga tao dito sa university na I doubt since what happened yesterday. " I saw him smirked at him.This jerk!
"Whatever. Can't you decide quickly? I'm bored here."
"Ito naman. Masyado kang mainipin.. Heto na nga, kakanta ka doon. May special number ka. Like kakanta ka ng isang song na solo mo, tapos yung isa naman, duet tayo. Okay lang ba sayo yun?" Hmm. Sounds good.
"It's fine to me. What song?" I asked him out of curiousity.
"Sa solo number mo, ikaw na bahala. Pero sa duet, ako nang bahala doon." He said and winked at me. Isa na lang, mababatukan ko na tong loko na to!
"Can I play the piano?" I asked them.
"Yes, you can. You're part of our band now, so consider this also as yours.." Said Marco.
I just nodded at them and proceeded to the area where the piano is. I started to test the piano tiles while I'm still thinking of a song that I can perform during the music feast in the university.
I started to play the song 'My Immortal by Evanescence'. I don't usually sing this song so much, but probably because my heart knows exactly how I feel.
"Sh.t! My Immortal!' I heard Angelo bluffed.
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
In the entirety of my teenage years, I didn't do anything but to hide on my shell like a hermit. Being accompanied by my own shadow and surrounds myself with so much loneliness and emptiness in my heart.
These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
There are times that we can't change what has had happened but to deal with it and continue to live even it's so hard to do so.
When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
After all these years, so much things has happened, and still, my heart longs for you. How ironic life was, right?
You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now, I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
It's the highest part of the song. I just closed my eyes and let my voice and heart do the work.
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along
When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
I'm still holding on for you,,. I'm willing to spend another 14 years for you. I will wait for you even if it takes me a lifetime, I wouldn't mind doing it at all.
You still have all of me, me,
"me...." My voice cracked as I hit the last note of the song. Suddenly felf something warm runs across my cheeks. Something I never thought that it still plausible to happen even though I made it to myself countless times already. Tears ruled over my face.
"MJ, okay ka lang ba?" Kevin asked me. I wept my tears and look at them.
"Yes, excuse me but I need to go to the rest room." It's not a permission but it's a command..
Nagtungo na ako sa restroom at pumasok sa isa sa mga cubicles doon at ikinulong ang sarili ko. Akala ko, akala ko hindi na ulit ito mangyayari. Akala ko, akala ko sanay na ako sa ganoon pero hindi pa pala.
I've hurt. And still hurting after all these years. Crop!