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Universal Mercenary System

作者: Yue_Hajime
奇幻
連載 · 644.1K 流覽
  • 25 章
    內容
  • 4.5
    34 評分
  • NO.200+
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摘要

When he was on the verge of death, he was given a new lease at life by an unknown being. He traveled throughout the Universe as a Mercenary for it, having a System as his guide. He could be a scavenger, a bodyguard, an assassin or a murderer. He would do it all for the favor of a new lease at life. Watch as he completes his missions all throughout the Universe!

Chapter 1Chapter 1

A dying young man lays within a dark alley. His body is covered in both cuts and bullet holes, all bleeding heavily. His breath is very faint, as if it would dissipate shortly. The young man stares at the sky with emotionless eyes, awaiting the death that will eventually befall him.

[Would you like to bind with the Universal Mercenary System?]

The young man turns his eyes down slightly and stares in front of him. There is confusion in his eyes as he locks his sight onto the transparent screen that suddenly appeared before him. He wanted badly to reach out and touch it, but his body wouldn't allow it.

[Bind with the Universal Mercenary System. You will be given a new lease at life, in exchange for your services.]

"I... agree..." The young man hoarsely whispers those two words, hoping whatever it was could hear him. He waited for a few moments, nearly passing out from exhaustion that is racking his body. After waiting for who knows how long, he once again saw the screen.

[You have been bounded to the Universal Mercenary System.]

[Mortal injuries detected on Host, commencing fully body scan and heal.]

A white light covers his body, causing him to close his eyes at the sudden appearance of the light. The young man was wondering what exactly this white light was, when his body felt less pain. He could feel the injuries on his body closing up, being replaced by new flesh, even his very old injuries.

The white light only lasted briefly, but the result was extraordinary. All of his injuries, including old ones, were healed. He could feel it very clearly. He attempts to move his body, and succeeds. He raises his arm and touched the transparent screen in front of himself, his hand passing through it.

He attempts to grab the screen multiple times, but failed each time. Eventually, he gave up due to exhaustion. Though his boy was healed, he has just on deaths door a few moments ago. He wanted to get up from the cold ground, but his body was very stiff.

[Detected Host is unable to move. Scanning Host memories... Found Host residence. Will transport Host there now.]

Another white light covered his body briefly, and he suddenly found himself disappearing from the dark and cold alley, and appearing within his old, shabby shed. This is the only place he is allowed to live in, as his family disdains him.

He found himself on his familiar, broken bed. It is not soft, but rather hard, but it is better than a cold, cold ground. He is already glad his family didn't outright throw him onto the streets, and rather let him stay in this shed until now. He got 3 meals a day, albeit old and cold ones.

[Detected Host is in a safe spot. Will commence System explanation now.]

The young man looks at the screen that appeared once again. He did not attempt to reach for it, as he knew it was impossible to grab onto. He felt saddened by the fact, but he calmly waits for it's explanation to himself.

[The Universal Mercenary System is a System that will send Host on missions all around the Universe. Host could be sent on a scavenging mission, an assassination mission, a bodyguard mission, and many others. Host will obtain rewards from each completed mission, increasing his strength.]

He slowly read the screen and has no reaction to it's shocking declaration. After all, he was just about to die a few moments ago, but now he is healthy and not in danger of death anymore.

[Each completion of a mission will reward Host with points, which can be used on a System Shop. Host can buy everything that exists within it, for a price of points. Host can also earn points by doing certain actions.]

The young man is still very calm and is staring at the screen without any confusion, worry or worry. The single emotion he feels is calmness. This is the reason he figures he is still alive after all this time, throwing away unnecessary emotions.

[Finally, Host will be given a Status screen, which will show Host many things. Such as his name, age, race, gender, stats, points and skills. Host can say or think 'Status' and a Status Screen will appear for Host to observe.]

'Status' The young man mentally says. He didn't want to say it aloud, since his throat is very sore, and he isn't about to injure it further by speaking.

[Name: Lin Feng

-Gender: Male

-Race: Human

-Age: 17

-Rank: None

-Strength: F-

-Agility: F-

-Dexterity: F-

-Endurance: F

-Vitality: F-

-Wisdom: F

-Intelligence: F

-Skills: None

-Points: 0

-Stat Points: 0]

The young man, Lin Feng, stares at the screen in confusion. He does not understand what the letters represent, so he is hoping for the System to explain to him, which it does.

[The ranks of stats go from G- to ZZZ+. G- being the lowest, ZZZ+ being the highest. Host can increase the rank of his stats by using a Stat Point, which can be gained by completing missions in the future.]

Lin Feng nods his head slightly, indicating he understands now. He felt glad that none of his stats were at the G rank, and were all at F- or above. Although it is very low, it is better than having the lowest rank.

[When Host completes missions, his Rank will increase. It is currently at none, since Host has not done a single mission yet. The ranks are, Copper, Bronze, Iron, Steel, Silver, Light Gold, Dark Gold, Platinum, Diamond, White, Brown, Green, Blue, Red, Purple, Black, Obsidian. Copper is the lowest, Obsidian is the highest. The higher your rank, the harder the missions are, and the better the rewards.]

Lin Feng felt slightly dazed at how many ranks there were to the System, but he didn't mind. He will eventually climb to the Obsidian rank, not giving up on his new lease at life granted by the System. He felt that reaching Obsidian rank will be a good way to repay the System, so he will work hard.

[Since you are the first Host of the Universal Mercenary System, you will be rewarded a gift. The gift will contain the following: A M1911 handgun, 150 bullets, a silencer, a common Dagger, 1 weeks worth of food and an Inventory skill.]

A bunch of stuff appears on the ground in front of him, so he tilts his head. He somehow manages to open his Inventory skill a few moments later and places everything within it. He puts the dagger in the Inventory and takes it out multiple times, getting himself used to it.

[Your first mission will begin now. Your objective is to kill a young master from an influential clan within your city. His name is Fu Qi. A task was issued due to him raping and murdering 9 underage girls a few days ago. A map will lead you to him.]

A map appears in his field of vision, on it is a blue dot and a red dot. The blue dot is within a small shed, so he knows it is himself. He looks at the red dot and found that it is within an abandoned building further into the outskirts of the city.

His expression did not change when he was told to assassinate Fu Qi, nor when he found out why he is doing so. He simply stood up and cracked his bodies joints before leaving his small shed. Nobody was around as usual, so he easily slipped out of the manor grounds.

He followed a street towards the red dot and is soon at the abandoned building where Fu Qi is. He notices 2 bodyguards in black suits standing outside the entrance, so he is wondering what to do. Then he remembers his handgun and it's silencer, so he brings them out of his Inventory.

He has never used a gun before, so he holds it somewhat awkwardly. He moves closer and when he feels he is within a good range, he shoots out twice. Both bullets hit the two bodyguards heads, leaving a small hole in them.

Both of the bodies fall to the ground without knowing what killed them, and Lin Feng is somewhat relieved he managed to kill them that easily. He opened the door that was behind them and entered the building.

He could hear crying and begging from further inside the building, so he quietly follows the sound. He found a pair of stairs that led to a basement, so he walked down them without making any noise and the screaming was very clear to him now.

He saw a big bed with a few naked little girls on it. A young man was currently straddling one of such little girls, and she is the one who was crying and begging for him to stop. The other girls on the side are all still, and their eyes look blank, speaking of their untold torture down here.

He didn't feel like wasting one of his precious bullets, so he puts his pistol back into the Inventory while bringing the dagger out from it. He silently approached the young man who is too distracted with the pleasure the little girl is bringing him to realize anything is wrong.

It was only when the dagger sliced across his throat that he found something was wrong, and he stiffly turned his head around, only to see an emotionless young man holding a bloody dagger behind him. That was the last thing he saw before his mind turned blank.

Lin Feng calmly watched the body of Fu Qi fall off of the little girl below him. She struggled and crawled out from below him and looked straight at Lin Feng. She looked at him in a daze before she suddenly hugged him and started crying into his stomach.

He wanted to push her away and leave the building, but a sudden screen from the System stopped him from doing so, while also confusing him.

[You killed Fu Qi and completed the mission. You obtained 1 skill point and 10 points. Your Rank increased to Copper. Congratulations.]

That one was very normal to him, since he already knew something like that would happen, what confused him was the second screen that randomly appeared in his vision.

[You have triggered the second mission. Take care of the little girl in front of you from now on. The mission will be completed when she is officially under your care.]

He stared somewhat in a daze at the screen for a moment before looking down at the little girl hugging his waist. She looked to be around 8 years old. Having gone through something like this at her age is sure to leave behind scars in her mentality, which wouldn't be good.

Since he was issued a mission to take care of her from now on, then he will. He will do anything that the System asks him to, such is the untold promise he made when he was given a new lease at life from it.

He slowly raised his hand and placed it onto her head and began rubbing it slowly. The little girl stiffened for a moment before she looked up at him. He was also looking down at her with his expressionless face, and she suddenly closes her eyes and faints.

Perhaps she was too exhausted and hurt due to what just happened, causing her to faint. Lin Feng surely did not know, all he did was find a pair of clothes and placed them onto her body, before lifting her into his arms and carrying her.

He did not feel like it would be a good idea to bring her back to his tiny, cold shed. Her body is already damaged due to Fu Qi, and his shed is not a good place for her to stay at. He silently thought about what to do when a screen popped up.

[Host, if you are unable to figure out what to do, it is simple. You can use points to purchase money from the System Shop, and you can use that money to find a place to stay at temporarily.]

Lin Feng suddenly stopped moving when he read that, and he gently placed the little girl onto the ground. He brought up the System Shop and searched up money into the search bar, and it came up. He could buy $100 for 1 point, so he spent all 10 points and bought $1000, which will last for a while.

He put the money into his Inventory before picking the little girl up again and continued walking until he left the building. He looks at the map for a few moments before he continues walking, leaving the premises of the abandoned building.

A short while later, he is standing outside of an average hotel. He enters the hotel and a few people look at him weirdly, most likely due to the little girl in his arms. He doesn't mind and pays $50 for a room and brings her up.

He opens his room with the key provided before locking it from inside and bringing the little girl over to the bed. He places her down atop it and brings the blanket over her to cover her body. He suddenly felt tired and realized it was already 2 am, so he lay down beside her on the bed and quickly fell asleep shortly after.

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Dr_SaltedFish
Dr_SaltedFishLv11

Original score would be 1.6, but I'm leaving it as 3 as encouragement. There are many details that are not well thought out, and it hurts the story. I'll try to keep things to main points, so it doesn't drag too much. Writing: below average at best, grammar and vocabulary needs more improvement. If possible, you might want to get a proper editor to help you. You often add irrelevant or redundant details to your sentences, eg. Repeating 'excited' 2 or 3 times in one paragraph. Your writing is uninteresting, it doesn't draw in the reader, you tell them what happens instead of showing it. Eg. 'The gun clicks, which says it's empty.' The transition from this to the remaining fight scene is choppy. One way to improve on the fight scenes is to play with the MC's 'body' a bit, toy with the perspectives and add more physical detail to make it more dynamic. Eg. 'He frowned at that click. Empty huh... Daggers then, as he pulled them out from the inventory. MC leapt towards the enemies in one move, and decapitate the nearest assassin with his momentum. It took them a second to orient themselves from his sudden action, and MC exploited that. Another decapitation to his right and he pushed himself off to the one on his left. That one's next.' Don't tell us about the fight, be in the fight with MC, show us how it went, make us feel as if we are him/with him experiencing the action. Don't write a static scene for us, it feels like MC just took pot shots at stationary targets instead, target 1 here, he stabs, target 2 there, he shoots. 'His heart was thumping loudly, adrenaline was one hell of a drug. He couldn't stop the mad grin crawling up his face as he went after the last one. Pistol out, MC stared at no.10 right in the eye as he pulled the trigger. That shot rang out loudly in the now silent night, "Ding" went his system, as the completion screen popped up in his view. All done before dinner too, perfect.' Your characters: let's start with MC first, he is a robot. If he does not emote often, then add in more details/adjectives to the times that he does. A shy smile, a devious grin, a sly smirk, burning anger, frustrated roar, gritting his teeth in frustration, murderous rage. That would let readers know more about him, how strong were his emotions on the scale at that point. Charcaters who don't express much emotions tends to exaggerate their emotions more when they do, was that how your MC is like? How worried was he on the scale? Pacing around in circles, biting his lips, staring into the distance deep in his thoughts? It helps in character building so we are not stuck with a blank template of MC. At this point, all I know of him is he has white hair, purple eyes (?), is 17, seems to have almost no emotions. Your side charcaters are also very unrealistic. The girl just went through a traumatic event, had the MC decapitate a man in front of her, was probably covered in that man's blood together with MC and she just decides that this person could be trusted? Sharing a hotel room, then a bed with him? No night terror? No despair over her sh*tty life? The instant MC appeared, she was cured of all her problems in life. No need for psychologist or anything? The lackey is also the same. They trust far too easily after just experiencing a traumatic event. Plot: I guess it's going to be a typical xianxia plot then, just need the dumb bimbo harem to appear before everything's in place. I'm not going to expand on my disdain for this trope. Plot convinience, plot armour and mary sue characters are the main flaw for this type of plot. Please do not make this girl one of his future love interest, otherwise this would be grooming, and that's messed up.

Dzone221
Dzone221Lv5
_001_Guto
_001_GutoLv15
MTNF
MTNFLv4
Wolfina
WolfinaLv10

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