7. I Want You.

I woke up tied to the table, and it took me a while to remember everything: the nesting, the right smell, the incredible sense of security, the fact that I existed. And now this. Balance. There was always a damn payment for my time when my soul sings.

I opened my eyes to the dimly lit room; the shadows casting an eerie atmosphere. Damon sat in the corner on a worn bar stool, his presence ominous.

His voice sliced through the air, cold and merciless, as he greeted me. "Morning student, time for lesson."

The room seemed to grow colder, my breath visible in the air. Before I could react, Damon was upon me, his movements swift and calculated. I was not sure if he had some sort of spell on, weakening me, keeping this space so damn cold or what. 

He taught me with a brutal intensity, each lesson accompanied by the piercing sound of screams. The pain was searing, as if my very soul was being ripped apart. But I pushed through, determined to learn. As I had no other choice. He showed me how to project my memories into his mind, a connection that caused a sharp ache in my head. It was a torturous process, but I endured.

Damon's methods grew even more invasive. He used drugs, telepathy, and anything to extract information from me. The nightmare seemed never-ending, a relentless cycle of pain and fear. The weight of the pack's threats hung heavily in the air, a constant reminder of the danger we faced. I couldn't take matters into my own hands without suffering unimaginable agony.

Each time I revealed a threat to Damon, a sick pleasure radiated from him, engulfing the room. Every time I told him about the threat and not trying to do anything about it, I felt actual pleasure. But if I even tried to think of doing anything about them, the pain was the worst that I had ever experienced.

He was once again programming me, to tell him everything, every goddamn threat that there was. I was helpless to stop him. He was unloading his rage upon my body and my mind. Ironic, first he is the one who puts my mind back together and now this assault in my mind. 

The lessons continued, unyielding and unrelenting. He progressed to a stage of violence, where my neck was ripped and wounds inflicted. Damon demanded to know the location of those sticks that could kill an original, and I complied, my voice trembling with fear.

My heart pounded in my chest, the sound echoing in my ears. I felt trapped, as if this torment would never cease. A sense of permanence settled over me, the fear of Damon becoming an ever-present shadow in my life. It was up to him to determine the nature of our relationship, and I felt powerless against it. I knew he had programmed me to fear him whenever he wanted.

Finally, I found myself lying on a table, my body battered and broken. The pain consumed me, a constant reminder of my vulnerability. I had no time how long this damn lesson had been going on. Damon administered an injection that plunged me into unconsciousness.

When I awoke, I was alone in bed, my body aching beyond measure. Each movement sent waves of discomfort coursing through me. My stomach, riddled with wounds, bled sluggishly, staining the sheets of crimson.

As I stood, my weakened state made even the simplest tasks arduous. I glanced at the scale, which displayed a shockingly low weight of 25 kilos. I knew I had to regain my strength, but in my current condition, the thought of eating was unappealing. I would have to find a way to nourish myself, despite the pain.

I should cannulate myself. Recover in peace, and the thought of it made me kind of panic again. Fine. Then we drink Charles's bump and go to the blood room to take Damon's blood and see if it helps at all. Gotta make plans. I must not be too pissed off because if I get myself allergic to his blood, it is not a good thing at all.

And the fucking programming, fine. I had been protecting the pack for seven years, and even after that, I had a dedicated team that watched for threats to our pack and compiled them into a monthly report, a long report, and now this programming hit me.

He did not know, no idea at all, but soon he would. Now, fine, soon the pack leader will have a reading and lots of it. I had a stack of reports that I hadn't even gone through properly, but oh, that Damon would get a reading soon.

I went to the blood room first. I sipped Damon's blood and likewise took a couple of bags of it with me when I got back to the room, poured it on the wounds until my skin was intact, and then went to the shower. I washed myself and let my strawberry scent be present. I was merely a strawberry. He had ripped himself out of me, my life. 

I was just selecting a little more covering clothes when a voice said from the doorway, "What you are doing, baby, you are not supposed to walk in that condition."

This sounded so like my Damon. It made my heart freeze and then the scent came over me. It was his scent. I turned around and saw number four leaning against the doorframe, looking at me just like he used to look. He was wearing the same kind of clothes, not those shirts that Mariella loved, but this shirt had been one that I had bought for him, long time ago.

He stood up, walked to me, and said softly, touching my cheek that familiar way, "Long story baby, but it is me, and ain't going nowhere, no matter how many potions Mariella comes up and she knows it. Losing you, it was too much for me, I broke out, putting me in front and I am now stronger than the core, but I am not as same, not fully, but I am yours, baby." 

I had no words. I went to him and hugged him, and with everything I got, he hugged me back not too much, as I was still pretty damn skinny. I inhaled his scent, got to my safety. 

He said in my hair, "Let me guess, number one gave you a lesson and programming."

I nodded. 

He broke off, looked at me, and said, "Well, now it is just a matter of getting you better and keeping you safe." 

There was a coldness in his voice and he smirked, quite dangerously too, and remarked, "I told you, baby, ain't the same, but close enough." 

He walked out and said, "Come into the kitchen and eat skeleton, you gonna need it."

I was just a strawberry because Damon had rejected me and taken Mariella as his alpha, so now I was just a strawberry, and in fact, Mariella could be the alpha. Now, it was time for me to react and react well. He had just taught me to react, so here I was reacting and feeling. Once I got myself sorted out and dressed, my wounds healed. I teleported to the New Jersey mansion, took all the threat reports from the previous year, and then teleported back.

I had my blonde, spiky straight hair in my high ponytail, my black jeans, and my thick pink woolen shirt keeping me warm, as I was still not strong enough to keep my body heat. It would take time for me to get my body back to shape. 

I entered the kitchen, and Damon, Mariella, the wolves, and the two and three were eating. The wolves were very close to the salvatores. Oh, did our nesting go a little bit wrong? There was jealousy in the air. Mimosa sneered at me as I stepped into the kitchen. Clung closer to number three. I was not sure was this reaction because of the number four or what.

The two looked at my skinny self pretty damn closely and said, "Where have you been for three weeks? Nice cover-up, by the way. You are in such terrible shape, missy. You almost require feeding at the medbay, but I can see you can't stand it, so I won't push."

Damon looked up, looked me over, and furrowed his brow. Oh, was it any surprise that I was in pretty damn thin shape? Mariela was sitting next to Damon at the end of the table. She sat so close to him, again next to him. No problem. Now, I wasn't the least bit jealous. There was no place again for me in there.

I carried the files before Damon and said, "There you go, pack leader, just doing my programming. These are last year and before that, issues are unsolved."

He furrowed his brow and asked, "What on earth are these things?" He looked at quite a thick stack of files before him.

I replied, "I protected you and the entire pack for years before, during, and after the seven years. I know Mariella thought your pack was so strong that no one would attack you, but the truth is that I took out the enemies before they could attack. For example, I was there when you put those locks on that bridge in Paris and I took out a bunch of demonic assassins coming for Mariella, for you, and three hitmen coming at Charles. I have been collecting these threat reports for years. I have people and friends who compile these and submit them to me, and they have a rating and a suggestion on how to deal with the threat. I have pretty much let Magnum, Dexter, and Murdock deal with them."

Damon grunted and said, "Oh well, from now on, all this will come directly to me. Take care of that for me...I'll go through them now, then."

I walked away. I didn't want to stay there. Besides, I wasn't hungry yet, and I would eat peacefully by myself when I wanted to. I was honestly really fucked up and cranky, and I didn't want to blow up in anyone's face. I had my rage to deal with and I knew it would require probably Magnum at some point, as I knew myself.

I went to my office. I had a study here, dark web access, and I always checked to see if there were any problems I could help with. I had taken back my work after Damon had once again thrown me away from the pack. So it was just again my work. I had quite a long experience in my belt, so I was good at this. Sometimes, there were requests for consultations, and I did them casually. I wasn't going to missions but helping my friends. Time went by and I had no idea how long I had again focused on my work. I had been doing everything for a while when Damon and Mariella came to the door.

Damon looked at me momentarily and said, " Haven't I told you that you're not a flea anymore? "

I looked up and said, "I did this again when you threw me out of the pack. This is my nature. I'm just helping my friends. A few consultations, nothing more. You have a problem with my work. You have always had and I begin to be fed up with being the one who had always to give in. This would be a good time for you to start to learn things about me!"

He strode over to me, did not say a word, put the lid down on the laptop, picked it up, and teleported somewhere. He did not even bother to answer, but just imposed his will over my life as always. My rage bubbled up and quite damn well.

Then he looked me hard in the eye and said, " Those reports are very illuminating, but what's missing is they don't list any threats to you and, baby, now, I don't think that's the case, so start talking. Why don't you do as you're told?"

I rose to stand. My voice was quite damn loud. "When I do not belong to this damn pack when I am nothing, that is a necessary evil. Someone you can just throw out and then start to demand me to behave in a certain way when you are ready for that. I am not a fucking robot. I have feelings too, and strong ones. Your sheer laziness pisses me off, your easy fix to impose your will on me, and think that I am not reacting. When you goddamn torture me for weeks and teach me to react, so this is me reacting. When it comes to me to react, tell me, can I trust you that my threats for me are priority over those to Mariella, or the pack? Because threats against me are the most acute, they need first taken care of. Can you fucking lazy ass telepath promise me that?"

Damon said nothing at first, then he said, in an arctic voice, "Your threats, please, or do I use more effective ways to get you once to obey me?"

I sighed, went to one of the cabinets, and took a pretty damn big stack of reports, my threats. I had kept them separate because I didn't feel I belonged so much in the pack. My shit, my problem, besides when Salvatore finds out about all these threats, I don't know if he's going to let me anywhere for a long time.

I put the reports on the table and said, " My threat reports come in weekly, so there's plenty of them. I've got Magnum and even Alaric to take them off the agenda. They are not easy to handle and I get updates on which problems are still on. "

Mariella furrowed her brow and said, " Why haven't you told the pack? Why not to let Damon help?"

I looked at her for a moment and said, " These reports are from when I did what I did to Nick, and as you remember how I was treated, I was kicked out of the pack. Do I have any idea how wanted I am? I haven't had time to focus on these at all. My shit, my problem. I don't bother the pack when I'm not that important and am not someone they trust."

Damon's eyes flashed. He teleported the stack of files away, went to the cupboard I took them from, and teleported everything away. He was silent.

Then he approached me, pressed me against the wall, felt my stomach, and growled, "Oh, you've done well, student. Well, this is just a little reminder that you will give it all next time and now."

Then he found the most sore spot on my stomach and hit it with his fist as hard as he could. 

The pain exploded in my stomach, and I doubled over. Damon looked at me coldly and turned around. 

Adam's voice from the door said, " Oh fuck, Salvatore. Now, I'm going to show you and show you well. Has she not been through enough of you and your overblown ego? You did not promise to her that her threats were priorities."

Before I could say anything, Adam took over and punched Damon as hard as he could, and he retaliated. Then Charles came in and joined in the fight, and soon, all three were teleporting away, apparently to the gym to let off some steam.

I had recovered a bit, and my fucking had grown to pretty good proportions, and now I decided to show off. I was not the official alpha female, the alpha of the pack, Mariella was, but I was the oldest and strongest alpha female, and it was time to react, so I let another innocent pheromone into the air that made Mariella a breeding female and once again took myself out of the equation.

I put in another pheromone that would make these three females go into heat and fast, but not me, my reaction. That's it. Mariella walked away. She had taken the pheromone, and soon, the wolves would take it, too. Shouting does not work in this pack, that has been seen now,

 I strolled into one bedroom and lay down on the bed. Just being. I had never been afraid of death; I was pretty much fearless, but this. This changed something inside me, and I didn't like the feeling at all, not one bit, but it was a feeling I had. 

I didn't know if it was a genuine fear of death or what, but that experience, that time when I didn't exist, was somehow so awful, or maybe I existed somehow. Still, in such a fragmented way that I wasn't, I knew it would take time to deal with this, and I would have to think things through for myself and put myself in order, and maybe then I could have a taste of pack life. 

I felt that emptiness all the time, the emptiness of not having any reserves and no chance of getting pregnant just like that. It had been there all the time up until the moment everything went out of me, and that feeling lasted, and it was still there.