The God's Trick

"I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do. I already passed the finals grade to the system, and everyone knows when it is already encoded, it will be problematic for me and you to full out those grades."

Those what words were said to me as he turned his back, but I can see the look he gave and the disgusted expression as he talks to me. Out of all the graduating student in our batch I was the one he failed. All my efforts this year, if they can look back to it, they'll know I don't deserve those failing grades.

But just because of one thing. Just because of one fall out. I became unfit to their eyes. Then everyone and everything fell apart. I thought I had it all together. It was supposed to be my last year here. I could have left here and be able to start over. I don't want this. I don't want this anymore.

I suddenly felt my surroundings. My own hand being gripped by the other and digging my nails onto my wrist. I can't feel anything. I took out my vibrating phone and answered the call.

"I'm sorry if this is sudden, but can you come over?" I looked at the caller ID and then the numbness I felt lessened. Yet when I turned to the corner to walk out I saw her.

"What do you---" I was cut off short from the sentences she said to me through phone.

"You know what, no need. I just want to tell you, I'm breaking up with you. That's all." And I heard the dial tone. I look at her walking with a man at her side, holding her on her waist and laughing leisurely.

"Breaking up through phone? You sure are savage."

"What? It's not like it matters. Plus I don't want to see him. Maybe he'll just use those excuses to make me stay. I'm tired trying to reassure his sorry ass. Plus I only dated him because he looks kind of good and he gives me what I want."

I suddenly felt numb again and coldness surround me. I need to go back. If I don't.. I wouldn't stop myself.

As I got out the hallway I looked up and I can feel my tears on the verge of falling down. The setting sun illuminates yellow and orange hue to the sky and the shadows of people walking out the university can be seen to the ground. I slowly raised my head and look at the University building.

"Ahh... I know.." I uttered to myself as I raised my leg to walk towards the stairs.

"Hey! Isn't that?"

"Shh.. Don't. Let the guy be. You might catch his illness."

"Illness? He isn't ill though he's just---"

I just continued to walk up. I don't care. I don't care.

"Mom, can you help me? I need help..."

"Eos. Not now, I'm busy. Go to your dad."

"Dad, please help me. There's something--"

"Eos! You are not to cry. Man are not to cry!"

" Mom... Dad... help... I'm sick."

Memories played in my mind. I reached the upmost floor.

"You really like wearing long sleeves recently, feeling cold?"

"It's so hot bro. Take off your jacket!"

"You're stressing out because you feel hot."

"What the heck are those cuts? Are you insane?!"

I slowly opened the door leading to my freedom. My skin felt the autumn breeze as the sun set. The empty space in front of me. I walked until I reached the long cold metal. My eyes watched the scenery below. I have been a live for 21 years and more than half of my life I know that there is something wrong. I reached out. I tried to help.

But for them, me possessing this kind of thing is unacceptable. More than that, I shouldn't be the one to be like this.

I didn't want this. No more.

I don't care anymore. I want freedom.

I easily took my shoes of and I climbed over the railing. There were some who immediately saw me. I know they don't care. They wouldn't care. In this world, it is the survival of the fittest. If you're sick, then it would be good for everyone for you to leave.

"Fuck you all. I'm free."

I said and let go of the railing and darkness followed.