One Piece: It Bites!

Warm... soft... prickly... I sighed, turning a little and trying to adjust. I just need to get some sleep, then I'll be ready for the next day. Just... a little... just a little more...

SPLASH!

COLD! WET! RIGHT IN YOUR NOSE!

- GAH! SON OF A FUCKING BITCH! - I howled, straightening up and moving away from the waves. I was out of breath and bent over, my head was spinning from the rapid ascent, the sand lazily fell from my...

Wait.

I froze as I began to process the facts.

Waves and sand. None of this was in my dorm room.

I slowly peeled the crust from my eyes and blinked, trying to take in the scenery.

A beautiful, wide stretch of beach bordered by an endless expanse of beautiful clear blue ocean.

The first thing that ran through my head was: "This is not my room."

The second almost became "How did I get here?", but that train was derailed by a quick flashback of the last events that I could remember.

The third thing that came to my mind was a confusion that could loosely be described as "DAMN DAMN WHAT THE DAMN WHAT SHOULD I DO!?"

I quickly slammed on the brakes on this thought, slapping my hands on my forehead and inhaling deeply through my nose. "Don't panic, don't panic, don't panic, mind-killer fear, don't panic, think!" I was distracted, if only to hear my own voice.

After a few seconds of standing there and hyperventilating, I managed to calm down and think about the facts.

Fact One: ROB is a fucking asshole who deserves to have railroad nails pierced through every inch of his being.

Fact two: I've calmed down a little if I'm able to swear like a sailor.

Fact three: I'm in One Piece. I should be there. Or at least I have to believe that I am there. If I found myself in some other, less relatively friendly world, or some godforsaken world that I knew nothing about...

I shuddered violently. No, no, don't think about it, carry on.

Fact three: There is a high chance that I ended up in the world of One Piece. This meant that my proposed course of action was still the best: find my way aboard the Straw Hats. Of course, logically, I could live the life of a civilian, especially if I ended up somewhere in the East Blue... but this plan itself has thorns. On the one hand, my skill set is completely useless due to the fact that I literally left college behind, and on the other, the Blue Seas are full of bloodthirsty pirates and potentially even worse than pirates - the Marines!

Is it scary to live the Straw Hat life? Yes. Will it be dangerous, even life-threatening? Hell yes! Did this guarantee that some of the most powerful people in the world would have my back if I could become their friend? It would be better this way.

I nodded firmly, my decision strengthened: it looks like this will be the life of the Straw Hat Pirate.

Moving on, I focused on the fourth fact: I had absolutely no fucking clue where exactly I was.

Well, at least it was a problem I could solve!

I turned around... and stared at the tropical jungle in front of me.

Cold sweat started running down my back. -Oh God, not, not Little Garden, for God's sake, NOT LITTLE DEAD END GARDEN!

However, a quick glance at the horizon and a couple of seconds of listening was enough to calm my panicked mind. There are no mountain-like skeletons, no rumble of prehistoric monsters, no columns of smoke from periodically erupting active volcanoes. I was safe... in a certain sense of the word.

I winced, pulling at the collar of my jacket. I was also damn hot, and not in a good way!

"Stop..." I blinked as a thought struck me. -Jacket?

I hastily checked my clothes: my favorite large black jacket with a hood with many pockets is there. T-shirt with urban camouflage on the chest, yes. My black soft leather boots, yes. Black loose cargo pants, yes. Finally, a dark gray pair of high-powered industrial-grade Bluetooth headphones that I had shelled out nearly five hundred dollars for hung around my neck. There is, whatever it takes.

I sighed tiredly, unzipping my jacket. As might be expected from such a tropical climate, it was quite humid. Luckily, being a stubborn Floridian with an aversion to showing more skin than necessary seemed to pay off this time as I got used to the heat.

I winced as my head throbbed painfully, quickly took off my jacket and tied the sleeves around my waist.

Okay, relatively familiar. I bet it's probably a hundred degrees here!

In any case, with no other options available to me... especially after a last look at the ocean confirmed that there were no ships in sight... I began my journey into the depths of the sweltering green hell.

To be honest, I usually enjoyed nice, long walks. However, there were two main factors that made this little venture a living hell: first, I had no music to listen to, so I was bored as hell. And secondly, there was no beaten path to follow, so I fought my way through a thick barrier of wild foliage that did its best to get in my way.

After expressing what seemed like my entire extensive vocabulary to Mother Nature... let's say in a creative manner, with my jacket getting caught on branches, with tripping over roots and bending under vines and whatnot, I , finally saw it and rushed to the grassy clearing. I hunched over almost immediately, trying to catch my breath and think again.

First of all, as far as I could tell, the island I was on was most likely deserted, devoid of all forms of intelligent life except me. Which was...unfortunate. I had no idea where I ended up. I didn't know which Blue Sea I was in, or even which hemisphere I was in! As I understood it, there was a one in three chance that I would be able to meet the Straw Hats. East Blue or Paradise? Fine! Any other Blue or, God forbid, New World? The situation will become much more complicated... definitely. It will become difficult, is a more appropriate word.

Attention...

My stomach let out an angry rumble, causing me to blush in embarrassment. That's right, food. Food was definitely my second priority. This was difficult due to the fact that I had no experience in surviving in the wild, but I had to at least try. I hope I can get something...

My train of thought suddenly stopped. "I've been marching through this jungle for ages," I thought out loud. -Why the hell didn't I hear a single animal!?

- QUACK!

- Aaah! - I squealed, almost jumping off the ground in shock. -Really...!?- I turned my head sharply and looked around the treetops in shock. Where the hell did these birds come from!?

- OHHO OH AH AH AH!

I turned around as another cacophony of noise erupted behind me. Now monkeys!? How the hell did they go unnoticed!?

- GRRR!

I froze in place as a pair of frantic growls erupted from the foliage on my side. They sounded like my cat...if she was on steroids.

- RRAWW! RRRAAW!

This time it sounded right in front of me. Barks similar to my dog, only much more and much less playful.

Forcing myself to slow my breathing and suppressing the panic of my thought process, I began to step back. A little more, a little closer to the foliage...

- ROOOAAAARRR!

I'm not ashamed to say that I squealed like a little bitch, fell on my face and crawled out of the jungle. I firmly believe that this was a very appropriate reaction to a lion roaring ten inches behind you.

I gasped and panted heavily as I lay on the grass, my mind trembling with fear. I had never had a panic attack before, but something told me that I was on the verge of having one.