Afterburn

After the written exam, we had been given leave for the rest of the day and been instructed to show up the next day at training ground 44. Annoyingly, Anko had no memory of me and my sort-of confession after putting Kakashi in the hospital.

I mean, sheesh, what do I have to do to impress a woman around here?

But again, before she left with her banner and all, she just repeated the order for us to show up at training ground 44 again.

Or the Forest of Death, as Anko had so excitedly told us just now, the day after.

Naruto, of course, made fun of her hyping it up so much, doing a little dance while he was at it, so she got to mess around with him a little and then Orochimaru got to mess with her a little.

All in all just good, wholesome fun for everyone involved.

But, well, still... Orochimaru.

So I had decided that I wasn't going to mess around with this exam. Until now, pretty much everything in the exam had been under the safety blanket of 'nothing is going to happen in Konoha'. But this, was more along the lines of what Wave had been. Except Orochimaru wasn't bed-ridden and free to fuck around on without fear of reprisal.

So time to get serious.

Yesterday I had gone back home, taken stock of everything I owned that could help—again, for the nth time—and changed out of the clothes I had worn to mess with Kakashi.

My usual gear was made from Aburame silk and with a denser weave besides, being a lot more protective - even without any additional gear, it was good enough to protect me from minor attacks like shuriken or weaker jutsu at a distance. Though I did, of course, have some underarmor mesh that looked like a fishnet shirt, and lots of bandages besides. Just in case.

I was hoping to look into some manchira-style brigandine, but so far I hadn't had much luck with it and would probably have to get it custom-made. I suspected that the flak jacket given to chuunin was exactly that, but I hadn't had a chance to fondle one up close enough to confirm.

My remaining storage scroll got stocked full of a little bit of everything, ranging from more bandages to first aid kits, to food and camping supplies, along with several sets of cheap throwing weapons. Along with all that, I opted to take with me two waist pouches and a knee holster for each leg, bringing along a wide variety of explosive tags, throwing weapons, and ninja tools within easy reach.

Because you never knew what you might need in a pinch, after all.

This morning I had set out like a man going to war. And in a sense, I was.

Orochimaru.

Until now, the man just wasn't going to be coming after me. But now he was in town and he was looking to make an impression. Preferably with his teeth into my neck.

Which really was going to cramp my style, no matter how well the mitsudomoe tattoo would go with my eyes. Also, the second transformation was just... ugh. It only looked good on Tayuya, bringing out her best qualities.

So, fuck all that shit.

The moment we had been handed in our death-waivers after the exam explained to us, I took charge, leaving no room for Naruto to mess around. We had a precious window of opportunity right now, as with our scroll in hand and with all of us being separated to our respective gates around the forest, I could reasonably explain my plan before we actually had to get moving, without anyone listening in.

That, hopefully, meant that we would be able to remain a step before all the crazies.

"Here's the plan... We're going to be the first ones to clear this exam. I want us in the tower, with both scrolls, within the hour."

"Huh?" Naruto blinked.

"Do you have a plan, Sasuke-kun?"

I nodded.

"Listen up. We're going to form three teams and have a three-step plan. You two will form team 1." I pointed at them both while keeping my eyes peeled for anyone listening in.

It would be just my luck if Orochi-fucking-maru heard me at this point and fucked everything up. I had scanned the surroundings with the Sharingan, noted the ground beneath us for any presences, and then made sure nothing alive was close enough to listen in. I hoped that would be enough, but maybe I was just being overly optimistic.

Anyhow, this plan was relying on us being the fastest fuckers around, so even if he did hear us, it shouldn't matter, Legendary Sannin or not.

"While I'll form two teams by making a single Shadow Clone. The clone will be team 3. The plan is simple," I explained, not giving Naruto time to ask questions since I figured I could count on Sakura at least this much. "You will make 20 units of Shadow Clones the moment the exam starts when I make my Shadow Clone. They will then transform into shuriken and we'll split them into ten and ten units; half for me and half for my clone."

I looked to see if they were still following.

"Team 1 will head straight for the tower. You don't stop for anything. To that end, Sakura, you're in charge. And before you complain, Naruto, do you remember a word of Iruka's lectures about how to navigate in the deep forests of Konoha? Or how to spot dangerous plants, quicksand, or all the poisonous insects? No? Then shut the hell up. Sakura is in charge. Your job is to protect her while she finds you the fastest route to the tower. Got it?"

Naruto looked something between sullen and accepting, which I took as his assent.

"Then, what will you be doing? And won't you be left behind?" Sakura asked.

"I can fly, remember?" I smirked. "I don't need to run through the forest, I'll just go over it and meet up with you there. That's why you should focus on just getting there as fast as possible. If you don't stop, there's no way any team can possibly catch up with you, either."

She hesitated. "Mm, maybe. But the entrances are spread out equally, so the two closest teams could in theory spot us and ambush us if we're not careful..."

I nod, smiling with satisfaction at the point she had raised.

"That's where I come in. Team 2 will take the 30 Naruto clones—transformed into shuriken—and fly left along the fence. Team 3 will take the other 30 clones—again, as shuriken—and fly right. From there when I find the gates, I'll track them down and ambush them first from behind. At most, it should take about five minutes for me to engage them."

Her eyes widened and she nodded in understanding.

One of the strongest points of Shadow Clones, I had concluded, was the lack of limitation when it came to using the Transformation jutsu. So long as they did not need to take a hit, then the sky was the limit for what you could do with them. And this plan would not only serve to quickly get us our second scroll, but also to secure our way to the tower from any genin teams too strong for us to actually confront by way of sheer speed.

Not that there should be any of those, excluding Orochimaru.

But blindly believing in 'should' is for people who aren't properly paranoid.

"So, Naruto. These clones... The plan for them is that I throw some of the transformed shuriken and then the clones will attack to create a distraction. But only the clones I've thrown. You just need to keep the team occupied long enough for me to take them down with my Sharingan or to get their scroll. After that, we can then just disengage and move on."

He grumbled, apparently feeling like he was being sidelined from the fighting.

"The point is to take them down quickly and without having to waste time. The other option is to ambush them with lethal force..." I let the option hang in the air for a moment. "But that's not worth it, to be honest. Not for just some exam's sake. So I'd rather the clones just distract them for long enough for me to deal with it cleanly. So, I want as many clones with me as possible, so that if I run into trouble I can throw them away for a distraction and escape, since alone I'm just too vulnerable."

Naruto nodded, finally accepting the plan without much further fuss.

The fact that I was phrasing it as 'I'm too weak to survive without you saving me' was probably what did it. Work his ego in the right way and Naruto will do whatever you want. Easy.

"That's all step one." I clapped together my hands. "Step two is: we meet at the tower. Regardless of whether or not I've got the right scrolls or any scrolls at all. While the clones can inform Naruto of what I've done if I pop one, I won't have that same line of communication from you two back, so we need to meet up at the tower in any event, even if we'll need to find more teams to fight after that."

"And what's part three, then?" Sakura asked, determined.

"Part three is the rest of the clones going out and gathering information on the rest of the participants while we check-in and clear this stage of the exams. This is where you'll come in Sakura, since Naruto won't be able to remember it all. He'll have clones going around and the stream of constant information will just be too much." I turned to him. "I'd like it if you had each unit transform into our respective likenesses, but you can handle it however you want. Ambush and harass teams directly, set up traps, push them around. Or then if you find some fighting each other, or the animals and insects, you can stay hidden - or then just stalk them and listen in to what they're saying to each other... Do it however you want, Naruto. Just gather as much information on everyone as you can."

I was trying to delegate, but it was hard, since I always wanted to micromanage my assets. It's why I worked best with myself or just plain solo.

"Once you think you've got something good, just pop one clone who knows it all to pass it all back to us and then report to Sakura." I turned to her again. "So you need write it all down as fast and detailed as you can, in case there's a sudden rush of information from two or more clones popping at the same time."

She blinked, a little unsure. "Umm... Ok?"

"This is all in preparation for the exams, because there's likely going to be a lot more fighting to come. So if there are any really nasty cases around, I want to know about it before we have to fight them. So Naruto, focus on memorizing their general appearance, headband markings, and then how they fight and how dangerous they seem. Don't worry about remembering it all for later, just get a solid description on each individual or team and relay it to Sakura."

I knew he hated this kind of stuff back from the Academy days, but I was sweetening the job with the promise of quality Sakura-time on top of letting him run free. I looked at the pink-haired girl to see if she was still following.

And again she blinked, looking hesitant and a little guilty.

Oh no.

"Sakura, you do have pen and paper, right? At least a scroll or something?"

She looked sheepish and I sighed. What 'smartest kunoichi of her generation'? What kind of idiot didn't bring a notebook with them out into the field? That was like the first thing—actually, did they ever teach that at the Academy? Well, maybe she has an excuse, after all.

Still, so sloppy.

"I'll give you my spare," I said with as little reproach I could manage, not wanting to hamstring her right now with confidence issues.

She nodded and thanked me, expression conflicted. I had just given her something of mine but in the context of being disappointed in her, so I guess she wasn't sure what to feel.

Time to recap.

"Anyhow. Naruto, Sakura... What's step one for you two?"

"Get to the tower."

"And step two?"

"Meet up at the tower."

I nodded, smiling. Keep it simple, (for the) stupid.

"Wait." Sakura piped up, looking as if she wanted to make up for her previous mistake somehow. "We should have a password. Sasuke-kun! If you have one Naruto with you and tell him a secret password. Then when we meet, you can dispel his clone and ask Naruto to say it to prove that neither of us is a disguised ninja."

I blinked.

That was actually a decent enough suggestion. I mean it wasn't strictly necessary, since I could just Sharingan to confirm their identities... But I supposed trust went both ways.

"Good call, Sakura. I'll keep one clone around to the end, at least," I said, offering her a nod in recognition of the idea's merit to distract from her earlier blunder. "And finally, step three if all goes well?"

"Spy on everyone else and figure out how to beat them with Sakura-chan," Naruto replied, grinning. I could tell that he was excited about the last bit. The first steps were forcing him to listen to my orders, so the last part would allow him to really let loose and have fun on top of spending time with his crush.

It served more than one purpose, too.

With them so busy, I could get some quiet time with Icha Icha. The profiles they would be making would not only be good for the finals, but also to give me a heads up on valuable jutsu and skills to steal later. And finally, with numerous units running around—hopefully in our team's guise—Orochimaru would have too many red herrings to chase down to realize we had already finished before he could find us.

Mastery is achieving much with little.

Of course, there was the possibility that he would have to dispel all his clones once we got to the tower, if it was ruled out as unfair interference by the proctors, but that would be a matter for then.

"Good. Now... Let's show them our sick speedrun strats, boys and girls."

"Huh... Where'd you get that ointment?" I ask looking at his wounded cheek and the slight sheen on top of it. We were getting ready for the second exam to begin when he'd suddenly started applying it.

"Oh, Hinata—that weird gloomy girl from the Academy y'know—gave it to me!" Naruto answered with a grin.

"Hn," I grunted, ignoring how Sakura was telling him off for calling Hinata that.

"Sure it's not poison?" I asked, teasingly.

Naruto paled, looking at the ointment she'd given him. But then he shook his head.

"She wouldn't do that—she's not an evil-eyed bastard like you!"

I feigned a hurt look, and again, Sakura chastised him, but in a controlled manner under the watchful eyes of the proctors.

Sighing, I shook my head. "Anyhow, you guys ready?"

They both nodded, and I turned to look at the proctor who was going to be opening our gate. By some coincidence, it was actually Anko and she was looking at us as if we were a bunch of kids going for a picnic, who were just about to walk into a minefield.

She was totally looking down on us, huh? Couldn't have that now, could we? I'd make her regret dashing on my heart - that cold-hearted bitch.

"Hey, you."

She almost didn't deign to even look at me, I could see it in her body language. But she was listening.

"Race you to the tower. Winner has to buy the loser some grub. Place of winner's choosing."

I could feel the desire to roll her eyes from all the way back here, but she held it in and ignored us. Without a crowd, it didn't seem like a bunch of firstie brats were even worth putting up a show for. Guess whatever amusement our first meeting had generated had already run out.

Well, fine. She could be that way.

I closed my eyes and settled into a light meditation to wait for the second exam to commence. It was just minutes away now.

And soon enough Anko took out a clock and nodded. "Alright brats. I'm opening the gates now; the moment it's open, the second exam has begun!"

Naruto grinned, hands already flying into his favorite seal as Sakura got in place behind him. I copied him, taking the left wing and leaving the right wing open for my own clone. Had I planned it that way, or in reverse? Eh, doesn't matter.

Anko looked up, putting away her clock into the inner folds of her coat.

"We now start the second test of the Chuunin Exams!" she shouted and the gatea flung wide open.

"Mass Shadow Clone jutsu!" Naruto shouted.

I created a single clone as we were engulfed in a wave of chakra, our vision lost in the fumes as the sheer power that Naruto threw around so casually washed over us. Fucking kitsune. Better not be my fluffy konner waifu, Naruto...!

In two seconds flat the sixty—no, ninety clones— divided into three, with a third jumping into my open and specially prepared second waist pouch as a stream of shuriken, and a second third doing the same to my clone's pouch, with the final third rushing forward to act as scouts for Naruto and Sakura.

I grinned, not minding the slight deviation at all.

It was good that he was thinking on his own, too.

And I couldn't help but marvel at his ability with the clones. It would have taken me at least a handful of seconds to organize into groups, but he had them all ready to go and knowing their place the moment they sprang into existence. The advantages of a simpler mind, perhaps?

"Go!" I shouted in stereo as my clone and I shot off, myself with the Midnight Flicker and he with a much weaker start to refrain from dispelling himself.

Between us, Naruto and Sakura dashed into the forest.

With my Sharingan I had the pleasure of witnessing just for a moment the pure, unadulterated surprise on Anko's face as we all exploded into action. And then I was screaming through the air in the space between the fence and the forest.

It took me less than five seconds to find the next gate and I stifled a mental curse; the gate wasn't open or attended. 44 gates, less than 44 teams. Just the odds at work, keep moving.

The second gate I found was a much better match, my Sharingan immediately picking up the fresh tracks in the soft soil heading into the forest. I pulled a 90-degree turn in the air and dove in after them, weaving between trees at a blur, a shadow so fast that nothing could keep up with me. As soon as my speed began to wane, I bounced off of a tree with the chakra repulsion step on birdfeet, leaving only shattered bark behind.

My red manic orbs tracked the unfortunate team's path as I kept dodging and threading between trees, branches, tall grass, and hanging vines, like a silent goshawk on steroids. Cocaine-zone-eyes!

Just for the sake of doing it, I did a barrel roll through an extremely small gap between two trees, bringing in my wings for a fraction of a second.

There! I spotted a team of three. It had been 20 seconds since the exam had begun. These guys just had had bad luck. But hey, I was going to be real gentle about this, where someone like Gaara would have just straight up murdered them.

So in a way, real lucky for them.

It was no one I recognized, not that it would have particularly slowed me down even if I had.

I un-transformed in the air, left hand diving for shuriken-clones and right for my new custom senbon, bloodthirst tinging the air so violently that they immediately knew something was wrong, turning around to check their tracks for followers, despite how unlikely it should be.

But too bad they didn't look up above them.

I loosed six shuriken-clones and the noise of their cutting through the air finally alerted them to my presence above. I took aim with the senbon and charged them with chakra—the expensive steel eagerly drinking in my energy.

Eenie, meenie...

Choosing the one in the front, whose eyes were tracking the shuriken and not me, I let loose the needles with a Flicker throw, the comparatively silent supersonic projectiles making a sharp whiz through the air, that none of them thought or had been trained to react to until suddenly three needles had embedded themselves to a thigh.

Or rather, punched clean through the meat of his leg so fast that they hit the dirt behind him.

He barely had time to inhale for his scream before the unit of Naruto clones landed on him, leaving the second unit to take another and me to rush the final genin who was just pulling out his weapon.

Ah, Waterfall. Looks like water won't be the only thing falling down for you.

"Where did you—"

Sharingan sank into his consciousness through wide eyes and he dropped like a sack of potatoes to the ground.

It was a simple application of the basic self-protection mechanisms built into the human brain, like when someone was knocked out with a punch or when they fainted from seeing blood, tricking the victim to essentially black himself out. It required a bit of 'violent' push, as far as the usually subtle art of genjutsu went, but it was undeniably effective.

And currently, it was the most effective skill I had for combat.

Genjutsu was hard.

I turn to the final standing Taki genin and draw a kunai, spinning it lazily around my finger just to make a noise and get his attention. "So, who has your scroll?" I look at the clones sitting on the only wounded genin, still bleeding from his leg. "Oh, and you two... Mind getting my senbon? They were kinda expensive."

"Huh, these things? When did you get these?" the Naruto clone who decided to get up asked.

"After Wave. That guy on the bridge with the mask... I didn't want to just forget about him."

"...Oh." The clones looked a little melancholy from the reminder, but I think he accepted the reasoning as the clone handed them back.

"So. Scroll?" I asked, eyes glowing for a second as I turned back to the last standing genin.

"I... I..." The Taki-nin swallowed, finally realizing that he was out of moves. "D-do you promise to let us go if we give it to you?"

"Yeah. We're kind of in a hurry. So, scroll?" I insist, starting to lose patience. "I can just genjutsu it out of you, you know?"

"He has it." The genin points at the first one to be downed, the one who I had thrown my senbon at. "In his pouch. Just take it and go. Please."

"Naruto?"

One of the clones reached in and pulled out an Earth scroll. Bummer.

"Check all of their pouches for other scrolls, just in case. Don't touch their other gear." I order. "And you, hands in the air while he checks you out. Move and you get an express ticket to the dreamland like this guy." I nudge the unconscious genin with my foot for emphasis.

The clones work quick, but we find nothing else.

"Well, shucks. We'll take it anyhow, though. Throw it here." The clone does so and I put it away beside my copy of Icha Icha. "Naruto, on me. We're moving again."

They immediately transformed back into shuriken and returned to my pouch by way of my hand, leaving me with the shaking Waterfall genin, sleeping beauty, and our moaning-in-pain friend on the ground.

"Your friend will wake up in half an hour. He won't remember what happened. Take care now."

With that, I Midnight Flickered out of the clearing like a nightmare given wings, vanishing into the dark canopy above without a sound, taking a course for the tower at the center of the forest, enjoying the view and the bright sunny day as I go.

This place is really nice up in the air, too. The air is so pure and refreshing, I should fly here more often—

Before I can settle into a comfortable glide a hundred meters above the forest, I hear a scream. A very girlish and terrified scream. Leave it. Just leav—Eh, I got time anyhow.

I bank in the air and dive through the leaves again into the murky forest, dancing through, between, above and below the hanging vines, thick trunks, slithering massive snakes, and over a pack of sleeping squirrels.

In the space of two seconds, I cross through fifty meters of forest to find the source of the scream.

A red-haired girl being attacked by a staggeringly huge brown bear. As in what the hell was it even eating to survive-big. This forest was fenced off; there shouldn't be enough nutrients to support an ecosystem capable of producing megafauna like this damn thing.

More madness of chakra, I suppose.

Hmm, might as well do my good deed of the day.

I pull up and un-transform upside-down, my feet coming to push up against the bottom of a massive branch. I charge a sixtieth of my full chakra into my feet and kick-off, Flickering through the air and spinning down with a thunderclap-like axe-kick into the bear's head. I feel something give way in the beast's body, even before its skull hits the ground and its jaws crack shut with enough leftover force to shatter teeth and send bloody brittle spittle flying.

Catching myself and flipping, I land beside its head on all fours.

I look around, Sharingan awhirl for any other attackers—be they another beast or her teammates coming to help.

But I find nothing and return my attention to the girl.

She had fallen, dropping both her glasses and another Earth scroll. Well, that was fine; it wouldn't be a good deed exactly if I then demanded her scroll immediately afterward. She grabs her glasses and sits up, clutching the scroll to her chest as she looks at me with wonder.

I look down at the bear, frowning.

"You know... If this thing is beyond you, you probably shouldn't be here."

If she was a support type or something, then fine, but at least she should have stuck with her team. Her face lights up, embarrassment or anger flushing her bright red to match her hair. What a weird color. Not exactly pink, nor ginger or coppery...

Well, whatever.

"Umm, thank you..." she says timidly.

"Hn."

Now I almost feel bad for talking shit about her. Like stealing candy from a baby, even though it's full of high-fructose corn syrup and cancer. I sigh, taking out three shuriken and I can hear her inhale at the action, tensing as she looks at me with wide, doe-like eyes.

I throw the shuriken down next to the bear and they transform into Naruto, all posing coolly as they land, looking around curiously. One was even dabbing for fucks sake. Did his clones all seriously have the same thought about making a pose when they un-transformed? Or does he have some kind of hivemind communication going on? I couldn't do that with my clones.

"Hey, hey, Sasuke? What's this?"

"Yeah, she's got the wrong scroll, too!"

"Are we going to eat the bear? I don't think it'll taste good."

Shrugging, I reply half-heartedly. "I feel kinda bad for her. Mind looking out for her?"

"...Seriously?" The last Naruto clone asks, peering at me suspiciously.

"Did you eat something funny, Sasuke?"

"Yeah, yeah? Like the bear?"

I scoff. "Or don't. Let her get eaten by the snake slithering in that-a-way, if you hate the idea so much. I'm leaving now. Consider this an early start on part three, yeah?"

"Sure, sure. Whatever, Sasuke."

"Hey, hey, sis, who're you? I'm Uzumaki Naruto and I'm gonna be Hokage, y'know!"

"And what do you think about ramen?"

"I—I'm, uh...?"

I chuckle. She'll be fine, whoever she is.

With another Midnight Flicker I explode straight upwards and push through the canopy again, taking myself to an altitude of some 300 meters before I start gliding down towards the tower. It hasn't been more than five minutes yet since the start of the test, so I'm sure we're making good time.

I land on the roof of the tower lightly, looking around towards the direction I knew we had started from, eyes scanning the rolling green treetops, before settling down to wait on the red roof.

A minute later a raven comes flying my way and transforms into me.

We exchange a Sharingan glance, chakra touching chakra as an identity checking ping before we share a smirk. He reaches back for his pouch and throws it over to me and I grab it out of the air, taking out the Heaven scroll and the clone shurikens. No casualties, either.

Nice.

"See anything good?" I ask. He shrugs and dispels himself. "Huh. That is pretty cool."

I now knew how to make kenjutsu afterimages with the blade.

Or rather, I had figured it would be easy with just an application of the basic Clone jutsu, but now I knew how to do it really well, too. Like you could do it at the shoulder, the elbow, or at the wrist, and there was a logic to where you wanted to hit based on where you did it from.

It was kind of like the taiatari follow-up attack; he pushes this way, you let him, and then hit him in the opening that follows. It wasn't the cleanest technique - more of a trick in my book, but I wasn't going to complain.

"Neat."

Taking out one shuriken, I toss it onto the roof, sinking into the wood and chipping the old red paint. I bet they use oxidized iron dust as a base for the paint around here, too. Same rich color as old houses in the countryside had, back before.

It transforms into a Naruto who looks around the otherwise empty roof suspiciously with squinting eyes. I guess it had been dark in the pouch and the rooftop was bright? The Shadow clones more or less could see, regardless of their shape, being chakra constructs giving them funny abilities like that.

Hmm, I should try and figure out how they do that. Would make for a pretty good sense backup if I'm ever in a really dark place.

"Tell Naruto and Sakura that I'm here, and to hurry up. I've already got both scrolls, so it's not like I need the first Earth scroll anymore to pass."

I offer him a smirk and just as he's about to complain, gently boot him off the roof to his death.

It was actually something I had been thinking about testing too; the exact chakra-to-volume ratio necessary for ensuring that Shadow Clones could take a hit. I mean, Shadow Clone shuriken were tough enough that they didn't just poof on impact, so obviously there was some critical threshold you just needed to exceed.

Or maybe it's just a function of the volume; even if Naruto makes a single Shadow Clone it's not like it's that much tougher than one from a batch of a hundred.

Did that in turn mean that making small clones was a better use of the chakra? I mean, I was already sticking with the raven form, so what if I could make them tough enough to take a hit or two? It would dramatically expand on the depth of my tactics and allow me to pull off some real mindfuck shenanigans...

It wasn't as if I needed to actively experiment with the jutsu either, since Naruto was constantly using it and giving me new pointers—unwittingly, because Sharingan for the win mwahahahahaha—every day.

The real article showed up ten minutes later, carrying a screaming Sakura on his shoulder while being chased by a fuckhuge snake. I actually hesitated for a second as I stood up, not sure if it was a summon or not. It would make sense if it was, since how else was Orochimaru able to find team 7 in canon...

Hmm. Yeah, okay. This calls for clones.

I let it rip, sending eight shuriken flying before throwing another six-times-three straight at the snake. It was actually kind of comical, watching a horde of orange suddenly gang up on the snake from all directions and beat the ever-loving crap out of it.

Can't see Orochimaru... So, probably safe to jump down.

This place probably had giant scalies of its own, not just those the Snake Sage could summon. Taking out another clone, I said: "Think we'll need the sword of Gryffindor for the snake?" and then snapped it, dispelling the clone.

Naruto's eyes immediately found me as I dropped down, hopping down each of the roofs like steps, as the tower widened out towards its base, until I reached the bottom.

"Yo. Took you long enough."

Naruto, actually still panting as he puts down a rather frazzled-looking Sakura, glares at me balefully.

"You... have... no idea, what we went through! The things in that forest!" he shouts at me, then inhaling slowly. "And what the heck's a Gryffindor?"

"A password, duh. Come on, looks like the snake's realizing we're worth too much effort for lunch."

As I said, the big serpent was giving us a glare of its own, lashing left and right to get rid of the many Narutos harassing it, but having so little luck with that, it seemed just about ready to slither right back into the forest. We all look at the massive thing, listening to its deep and angry hissing. It somehow reminded me of a pissed-off New Yorker—someone with Italian ancestry and proud of it, throwing angry hand talk our way—as it made its exit.

"Alright. How many clones you still got running around?" I ask, once the snake had finally decided to call it quits and leaves.

"Uh, I dunno. Like, close to a hundred? Probably more." He shrugs. Shrugs.

Christ. Well, if I had a konner cutie in my gut, I'd probably have a hundred clones running around all the damn time, too. And most of them as konner cuties.

I inhale slowly, closing my eyes and deliberately exhale all the anger and envy out.

"Okay. If you want to make any more clones, now's the time. I'll let the rest of my backup go and we'll head inside," I say and lazily toss around all the shuriken clones from my waist pouch, ending up just unclasping the whole thing and shaking it to get them all out. "Oh, and Sakura. Give one of the Naruto's the Earth scroll. I have one anyhow, so might as well keep the extra as a bargaining chip for the clones running around. Never know when it could prove useful."

She looks up, somewhat dazedly only now getting her bearings as she nods, handing the scroll from her pouch to the nearest Naruto.

I nod and then after a moment's consideration also perform the cross-seal, fielding five Shadow Clones of my own. My head feels a little woozy, but I manage. No reason that while Naruto was doing his reconnaissance, I couldn't also be stealing jutsus left, right, and center.

I had a proud Uchiha dickass jutsu-thief legacy to live up to, after all.

"Let's go. Pretty sure we've set a record already, but no point in just standing around while we could be making our victory lap."

We enter the tower, finding the 'instructions' written on the wall quickly enough and despite her frazzled state, it only took Sakura two seconds to figure it out. So, we threw open both scrolls and activated the summoning seal written, which I with great interest observed with my Sharingan.

I think the most surprised one, when the two scrolls summoned a proctor, ended up being Iruka-sensei as judging by his gobsmacked expression, he definitely hadn't been expecting to be summoned quite so soon. Or by us.

"Eh? Eh? Eh? Naruto? What, the—You guys passed already?!"

"Of course we did! I'm gonna be Hokage so obviously, we're the best, don'cha'know?"

The chuunin laughs helplessly at that, then yelps as Naruto crashes into him for an energetic hug.

"Anyhow, it looks like you'll have plenty of time to rest up for the final and third round of the exams, since we still have five days of the second left," Iruka explains, sheepishly holding onto the excited blond. "You've left me completely stumped and without words with how well you have done. There's nothing more I need to teach to any of you."

A bittersweet expression.

I guess even a teacher sometimes wishes for his students to not excel. Too much, at least.

"Hey, hey, Iruka-sensei, let's go for Ichiraku ramen, come on! You've got to buy me some, right?"

He laughs, but pushes down Naruto.

"Unfortunately, you still have to wait here in the tower until the second exam ends. The rules are the rules. In the upper levels you'll find accommodations and food, so make sure to rest up at your leisure."

I raise my hand, finding this to be a decent enough opportunity to air some final questions.

Iruka smiles at me. "Go ahead, Sasuke. We're no longer in the Academy, so you don't need to raise your hand."

"Thanks. I assume we're not supposed to interact with the other genin while in the tower, right? We're—just as an example—not allowed to go around and start raiding our competition still out in the woods, right?"

The Academy teacher blinks, the question completely taking him by surprise.

"Yes, that's right," he answers, going automatically into lecture-more as if we were in class. "In effect, you have completed now a dangerous mission, having passed through hostile territory and decisively reached your goal, with all critical goals achieved. At this point, you would be retreating and returning to the village with news of your success."

I nod.

It was about what I figured.

"Then are any traps and sabotage we've already left behind exempt from that ruling? It's not like we can be punished for leaving a snare behind and having it take out some team, right?" I ask, smirking as I see the cogs turning in his head.

"Nn—yes...? In theory, that is true, I suppose..."

"So here is my question: we have left over a hundred Shadow Clones outside this tower to cover our retreat. Are they considered rule-breaking meddling," I raise my right hand, palm up. "Or are they considered a trap left behind?" The left palm mirrors its twin on the other side. "At this point, we can still dispel them all... But would that be true to this mission, realistically? It's not as if we can directly influence them otherwise."

"A... a hundred Shadow Clones...?" Iruka is choking, looking at the wickedly grinning Naruto with wide eyes. And I get it, I really do. At this point the forest is filled with more Naruto than non-Naruto ninja, even accounting for proctors and security personnel. I'd know: I counted. "I, umm... I will need to ask one of the higher-ups. But for now, they... Should be fine...? I think?"

I nod.

"Thanks, sensei. Mind showing us to our quarters now? And Sakura, let's get ready since we've only just gotten started."

Sakura blinks. Nodding immediately as she takes out her—mine, originally—notebook and a pencil. "Right! It's my time to shine! I'll have a profile on everyone ready for you before the exam ends, Sasuke-kun!"

"Ahah-haha..." Iruka laughs weakly, realizing finally what exactly we've cooked up. "I really do have nothing left to teach you guys, do I?"

Anko came rushing through the door, looking as if she had just gone six rounds with Orochimaru in the Forest of Death.

"Wooow... No wonder you thought the Forest of Death was dangerous if it's that tough for you to manage through it," I said, looking her over with a deliberately shocked expression. "I thought it was pretty easy, though."

Which, she kind of had. Or, well, literally actually had. Gone through six rounds with Orochimaru in the Forest of Death, that is.

Naruto had been slightly annoyed with 'that super-creepy Kusa lady with the long tongue, who keeps trying to hit on Sasuke all the time' for a while now. And I agreed; people who couldn't take a hint were just the worst.

Back before, there had been this co-worker of mine who was gay and had had a thing for me, and he just didn't quit. It was actually kind of flattering at first, since he was good-looking, but there had just been a slight problem of me not being gay enough to reciprocate the feelings. So I'd tried to let him down gently. But by the time he was grabbing my ass in public and twerking in my face at company parties was where I had to draw a line and quit the job.

HR is always useless when it comes to actual workplace problems.

Still wasn't sure how I'd rate it compared to Orochimaru's behavior. Sure, one was objectively nowhere near as bad, but it also had been a lot more up-close and personal. This shit was all happening at a distance. I wasn't even receiving any of the clone memories, so all I knew was what I heard from Naruto.

Which only made me think more about how I would handle him, if I were forced to...

By the sound of Naruto's annoyed reporting, it wasn't going to be easy. Legendary Sannin and all that.

I think somewhere after destroying the seventh disguised unit, Orochimaru had started cottoning onto the fact that we weren't actually anywhere in the area anymore. But I guess the thought of us having left behind distractions even though we had already cleared the forest just didn't occur to him, so when at the eighth time Anko showed up the fights really started escalating.

Mostly due to Naruto getting pissed off, actually.

And it wasn't just he who had to deal with the slithery sage; at least three of my ravens had some-fucking-how been captured and dispelled. Or so Naruto had reported. It was probably the glowing Sharingan that had given them away, since even the blond noticed them that way.

I guess even the Sharingan can't beat hindsight.

Most of the contestants who hadn't made it to the tower yet—those being the Sand team and team 8 besides us—had been avoiding getting involved as bigger and bigger jutsu started getting thrown around. By the time the ANBU had showed up, Naruto said most teams had just started digging in and hiding to weather the storm.

By which time most of our clones had been utterly annihilated, so our big plan for gathering intel had gone kind of up in smoke. Sure, we had already managed to compile a little bit of information, but the odds of those people being the ones who made it to the tower seemed unlikely given that none of them rang any bells.

That said, just listening to a second-hand account of a Sannin running around and throwing some pretty ridiculous jutsu around more than made up for that, as far as I was concerned.

Because even with all that, I should have at least managed to keep one pair of eyes on most if not all that fun going down. Okay, sure, I already knew that a lot of his summoning and body modification jutsu weren't going to work for me, but if I got a glimpse of even a few of his regular jutsu, then that would be enough to keep me occupied for the foreseeable future, because all his eccentricities and proclivities aside, the man was a legitimate legend and master of ninjutsu.

That and anything he did in-between; taijutsu, kenjutsu, throwing and movement techniques et cetera et cetera, was all still fair game.

With all that data, formulating a plan to fight the Sannin shouldn't be impossible.

Eventually, the creepy crawler did chose the better part of valor and had fucked off—presumably leaving it to Kabuto and the Sound genin to figure out where the hell I had gone—leaving Anko and the rest of the proctors to deal with the mess.

That had been a few minutes ago already.

And I guess that because of that it had finally occurred to her to check out the tower. And here we are.

There was a twitch in her eye as she looked us over, sitting around a table with papers, scrolls, and notebooks strewn all around us.

I had drawn a to-scale and very detailed map of the forest from memory and we were using kunai and shuriken to mark where Naruto's clones had been dispelling and where there had been fighting. We had replaced the original battle-kunai markers with senbon, once it became apparent that the other genin had all decided to hunker down and not get further involved in the Sannin shitstorm shaking the forest, so the few needles on the map kind of got lost in the whole.

Sakura had been running at a whopping 120 percent writing everything down, making schematics and timelines and profiles, once Orochimaru had gotten involved.

Probably because Naruto had relayed some of the snake sage's designs for me as his next protege. I wasn't sure how much of it was her just wanting to impress me and how much it was actually her natural, unrestrained, self coming out to play to, I don't know, protect me?

Honestly preferred her this way, though.

"You..."

"You owe me grub, by the way. You're super slow. I guess they hand out vests to just anyone these days," I said and then returned to my book.

Sure if the Hokage got involved, I'd get my act together.

But Anko was small beans, even if she was damn hot.

Besides which, I was just a Shadow Clone; I wouldn't have to deal with any of the fallout. The real me was hiding somewhere just in care snake face decided to charge the tower, and he hadn't told me where. Opsec, obviously. I assume he was somewhere in Konoha, actually, far away from all the excitement... But it didn't really matter to me.

Shadow Clone, destined to die, and all that jazz.

Then again, weren't we all born just to die, naturally-born flesh and blood beings and strategically expedient chakra constructs alike? So might as well get in a bit of revenge for leaving me behind to act as a distraction in case Orochimaru decided to pay the tower a visit.

What would I do against the man, if he did choose to come here, anyway?

Obviously, the real me was already drawing plans after witnessing first—second?—hand how the man operated with the Sharingan. But I didn't like just sitting around and rolling my thumbs. So, based on what I did know, how would I fight him right now? How could I bridge the gap in physique and chakra, which only well-honed time could imbue one with?

Oh, right. Angry and frustrated Anko about to maul us.

"Orochimaru's gone by now. At least none of our intel units have encountered him since..." I gestured to Sakura.

"Four and half minutes ago, right here," she dutifully replied, looking up for a second from her papers to point at a marked spot on our map.

"We made copies of our encounter reports with him, and around the time he started summoning snakes we started writing down everything he was saying. Here." I extended a scroll to her. "My sincerest condolences on having such a dickhead for a teacher."

I mean I had Kakashi, but he was just an emotionally stunted annoyance when you got right down to it. Orochimaru was... well he was goddamn Orochimaru.

The purple-haired special jounin sighed gustily, raising a shaking hand to her face, wiping at the crusted sweat, dirt, and snake blood there.

At this point, Naruto cleared his throat, looking up with a mixture of embarrassment and empathy.

"Umm, sorry I thought you were creepy and dumb before. And for making fun of the forest and... You, uh..." he said, scratching at the marks on his cheek. I wasn't surprised, though, since I had seen the signs on his face, as the fights progressed; the growing respect and admiration for the woman.

Deciding to throw softer measures in the wind, he spoke his piece directly. "That snake freak is wrong. You're not a failure, you're actually really cool! Way cooler than he is, y'know! That thing you do with the snakes coming from your sleeves to throw those explosion tags was really awesome!"

Anko blinked, as if confused by this sudden fever dream of a reassurance.

She drew a shuddering breath, accepting the scroll from me but saying nothing for a long moment.

"I need a stiff drink."

And with that, she walked away on wobbly feet.

I carefully did not say anything, merely returning to my book. Just because I had accepted my death didn't mean I was going to actively court it.

At least, not until I found out what Ichika-chan's secret was.

"Eh... Sasuke's got that creepy smile again..."

"H-he's not a pervert, Naruto!"

"You don't believe that yourself anymore either, Sakura-chan."

"..."

I giggled, turning the page, ignoring them both.

Finally!

My clone giggled, turning the page of Icha Icha Paradise and it had been about damn time that he did.

He had been lost in his thoughts again? He had probably been lost in his thoughts, again. I tended to do that a lot. That, and he was being deliberately flippant in the face of authority, too. Man, it didn't look nearly as amusing from the outside—the mood in the room was pretty chilly for those first few seconds there when the special jounin showed up.

And I damn well understood why. I had been there. I had seen some fucking shit that my dumb clone hadn't.

But that was all over now—Orochimaru had decided to get the fuck out of dodge and I had seen him leave. Just relax. Read some Icha Icha and relaaax.

I had to shift a little to get my eyes lined up with the page in a contortion I didn't want to think about too much, peering through a transparent section in the disguise. The chakra construct constricting me in the shape of the pillow was a bit tight, but compared to my usual raven transformation it wasn't that bad. And that little bit of added space also meant that if it came to a sudden fight, I wouldn't be hampered down too much in that first instant.

Because all bets were still off on that part.

Despite being so close to Orochimaru, the tower in the center of the Forest of Death was the safest place right now. It was the eye of the storm, as long as he didn't get his creepy, stretchy, and elongating hands on me before the Hokage showed up to deliver his 'fuck around and find out'-presence.

I mean, the damn snake had already proven that he could find my birds and that he could infiltrate Konoha, so I couldn't very well just fly around and leave myself completely alone for him to swoop in on. So, the only card left to me was to play the double-bluff and pretend to have left the tower, while actually staying in the tower.

Because holy fucking shit, I was not getting involved with Orochimaru if I could help it.

Fuck, fucking fuck all that shit.

Because, fuck damn the man was crazy; those snakes of his, his use of Earth clones, and his sheer mastery of ninjutsu... And that one touch-applied genjutsu I saw him use... Good fucking god, I now knew how to make someone start bleeding from their eyes, ears, and nose with an applied cluster headache, and I had never even wanted to know that it was possible.

Poor ANBU guy—but better him than me? I think?

And he hadn't even been trying to kill them, not really. He had been looking for me for his curse mark shenanigans and just trying to ignore them. Just the bullshit he had pulled off with his tongue and Kusanagi had just been to get past the annoyances.

The orange horde on the other hand hadn't been so lucky. Once Naruto started trying to punch back, things had just continued to escalate. Ambushes, traps, literal hails of steel, coordinated assaults with the ANBU, deliberately aiming for his blindspot, setting up 'oh no you got the real me—sike!' plots, using the wildlife and trees and other natural hazards to make the running battle exponentially more complex and dangerous... and Orochimaru just waded through it all without even slowing down.

You could bring a literal army against the man and it would all amount to nothing.

So, in summary, fuck getting involved with any of that fucking shit. Jesus fuck.

Until I could throw out a week's worth of my chakra in thirty seconds and then keep going as if nothing had happened. I was decidedly not tangling with that motherfucker. So, at least not for a couple of years, yet, at the most progressive estimates of my growth. And if Orochimaru is afraid of tangling with Itachi... I sure do have my work cut out for me, don't I?

For now, there wasn't much I could do about it, though; the only way to improve on my chakra reserves was to just keep training. So, I might as well just continue reading and try to figure out what Ichika-chan's secret was...

Huhuhuhu...

Naruto blinked, rubbing his eyes.

Was it Sasuke... or Sasuke's pillow which just gave him that super creepy feeling? The blond shuddered, shaking his head as he returned his focus to Sakura-chan and the few clones that still remained.